Hi, I'm Nicky from Little Ones
and today I'm going to be
talking to Rhiannon Connelly
Rhiannon is the founder of Bloom Post-Natal Services,
she is a mother of two boys
and a post-natal doula in Perth, Western Australia.
Her role is to provide mothers
in the early stages of parenthood
with the physical
and mental support they need
to feel empowered and nurtured
Today we're going to be talking about the role of a doula
and the role of other support services
available to new families.
We're also going to talk about
how important it is to support new parents
in the first few months of having a baby
and what we can all do to make sure
these support systems are in place.
Thanks so much for joining me Rhiannon
it's good to have you with us
Rhiannon: Thank you
Nicky: So then that's obviously shaped your desire
to do what you do now
which is of course a doula
which is something that we don't have in New Zealand at all
a lot of people
well I'm 90 percent sure,
A lot of people wouldn't even know what the term means
Rhiannon: No, no it's the same in Australia,
it's not a term that people go oh yeah, doula
I know what that is
If I said I'm a doula
people would go,
you're a what?
It's not something well known,
and if they do know,
they know it more associated with birth support
because you can have a doula help you in labor,
Nicky: Yeah, that's right
Rhiannon: So it's
hard to kinda label yourself like that
because nobody knows what it is
but it's basically
just a woman who gives you
mental and physical support in that fourth trimester period
Nicky: That could be birth, and then it could be
a couple months after
Rhiannon: Yes, so I only deal with after
cause that's my kind of
passion, I think that you know
we've got amazing programs and things hypno birthing
you know people can really access those tools
and resources to have amazing labors
and you know, our husbands or partners you know
they're a lot more involved nowadays
so people understand that
a woman needs a lot of support in labor
but then they have the baby and
Nicky: Radio Silence
Rhiannon: Get back to normal now
there's not that same connection
I think it's becoming more,
people are becoming more aware
which is great
but it's still that trying to
you're trying to change a culture that is not,
That is all about being independent,
doing it yourself
and like we were saying before,
it's hard to ask for help,
but trying to change it so that people can say
it's all right,
you weren't meant to do this on your own
you know, we're not meant to just
you know, back in the day
in traditional cultures, they have the village
they have the support networks that help you.
You're not meant to do it alone
So, trying to bring that idea of
the village back a little bit
and being that person
Nicky: So your role is to provide support and
whatever that means to that particular family
Rhiannon:Absolutely,because every single person is different
every single baby is different
so, you can't just say a stock standard
this is what I do and that's only what I do
because for one mum, it might be
that she feels loved and supported
by having her
laundry done and folded
and blah blah blah
or it could be
that she, this is her second baby
so caring for the toddler
so she can have some one on one time with the baby
or vice versa
have some time with the toddler
so I'd care for the baby
as simple as
you know, having the baby,
holding the baby while you have a shower or have a nap
because I can remember
when my husband went back to work
I desperately just wanted a shower
and I was like, but where do I put the baby
Nicky: Yeah! I remember that too
Rhiannon: I had to put him down on the floor
on a towel he screamed the whole time
and I quickly just you know
made myself feel slightly more human
we shouldn't have to do that you know.
It's trying to create a bubble so that the mum
can literally
focus on recovery
and the baby
so in traditional cultures they have like
a forty day period where this gets provided
and the mum is not allowed to do anything
she's not allowed to cook, clean,
not allowed to lift anything
she basically can stay in bed for forty days if she wanted
Nicky: Amazing,
but unrealistic in our society right?
Rhiannon: Yeah, totally unrealistic,
nowadays but you can still try
and you know take a few things off the plate
and make it
just a
little bit easier,
let it flow a little bit so you're not thinking in your head
what am I going to cook for dinner tonight you know
yeah, it's just wild
But that's kinda what we're all about
and what we try and provide so
just there's, I mean
there's so many little ways that you can help a family
just so they can focus on the baby,
Nicky: So what do you love,
if you had to say what you love the most
about the work that you do with families,
what is it?
Is it cuddling little newborn babies?
Or is it seeing that the bleary eyed mother
just goes thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Rhiannon: You know what,
I think the best bit about it is like,
love babies, love them so beautiful,
but I actually just love being a cheerleader for the mother
and I love mothering mothers
because I feel like that's something that is so innate
we're humans, we crave that connection
and in that really vulnerable time
we're kind of
you know,
we're a really baby focused society
so when you've got visitors they're all coming over,
mum's sitting here
like shattered
and they're all here like
this beautiful baby and blah blah blah
and you know when they're done they put their you know,
they have a cup of tea
put it in the sink
and leave
and you've got no food and dirty dishes and
you're tired, so
I just love
flipping it
and pampering the mum
and just being you know
like letting her be the queen
because she just brought a baby into the world
you've just held a baby for nine months
like that's no small feat
it's huge, it should be celebrated
so I just love kind of
seeing a mum really
connect with her baby
and you know kind of start to learn that mum's intuition
you know kinda start to be like
my baby likes to be
held this way
or my baby likes prefers it if I feed this way
and you know just, build that confidence in themselves
cause that can be something that's hard
I know when I first had my baby it was like I don't
I don't know how to do any of this
and I'd be googling all the time
and be like am I doing this right? like
But there is no manual, to being a mum unfortunately
no manual to
caring for a child
you just have to learn your baby
and so giving them the space
and time
to just do that
and not have to worry about all the other stuff
that normally we have to worry about
like cooking, cleaning,
Nicky: Yeah, the toddler
So, what would then your advice be to new mothers
if you know in terms of
how can they
let other people help them?
how can they help themselves?
how can they be helped?
when they first have a baby
Rhiannon: I think, if they can
to start planning
when they're pregnant
start really thinking about
like I said who's gonna be your support network,
you know, who are going to be the people that you're
hoping will
help you out?
So it could be, you could do like
at your baby shower,
bring a meal to pop in the freezer
Nicky: Oh that's a great idea
Rhiannon: yeah, so then you're sorted,
basically you've got all these meals
and that's pretty easy
another idea is a meal train,
so I don't know if you know what that is
but it's so
you've got,
your mum,
your mother in-law
you make a week timetable
and you say okay on Monday Mum you're going to drop around
or you know
and have it sorted in that way,
it's a nice kind of way that
you don't have to think about it
but I mean if it's already
in the freezer
like you yourself bulk cook up food.
Because that's just one of those things
everybody needs new food
and you need to be nourished in that time.
So having
kind of
easy to grab,
easy to sort food you know when you're breast feeding,
have a think about where
you're going to be feeding your baby
and set up your station so you've got a water bottle
snacks that you can eat with one hand,
and have those set up
Nicky: Phone charger
Rhiannon:Yes! phone charger,cause you might be there a while
Nicky: TV remote
Rhiannon: TV remote, yeah
and have it all set up that way
so when the baby does come you're not kind of like
I'm starving and my baby's been cluster feeding
and I haven't left the chair for like three hours
you're slowly just dipping into that energy
but if you have it there you can kinda keep yourself going
so yeah, I think meal,
you know, that's my kind of big one,
I think another great thing
and most mum's would know this is a baby carrier
you'd want those soft beautiful ones when they're new born
if they're not wanting to be put down
at least you can still maybe walk around
or not feel like you're just stuck on the couch
cause I know with my first
I think he fed, it felt like all day
and all day I was just sat there on the couch
like I can't move
this feels like a prison, my arm is dead
so if you had a baby carrier at least you can
give yourself a little bit of freedom of movement
Nicky: And if you've got an older child then that's crucial
too because
You're gonna need to be taking them to the toilet
or you know, doing whatever it is you're doing with them
yeah, my younger two kids lived in a baby carrier
absolutely lived in them
Rhiannon: Yeah because you, the world doesn't stop
when you have a baby unfortunately
when you've got those older kids saying,
they're like mum I want to go to the park
you know and you've got school drop offs you know,
try and think what
the biggest needs are
kind of like sleeping,
feeding, bathing,
cleaning, cooking
kind like go on there, so what can you outsource,
how are you going to make sure you can tick all those boxes
is it having the cleaner come once a week,
cause I know when my space is clean
I feel so much better about everything
but I don't want to do it, you know, so
Nicky: Yeah, organized house, organized mind
Rhiannon: Yeah, you know so have a cleaner come in
or like I said dog walker
or what can you outsource so you're not
having to focus on that
you're just focusing on the baby,
biggest thing is
lower your expectations you know
everybody wants and thinks they're gonna be the perfect mum
or they're aspiring to the perfect mum
it doesn't exist
just, get through the day and you are the perfect mum
you know if you get out of bed
and your baby is happy and fed
and you know, you're still both alive at the end of the day
you're amazing, you're doing a great job you know,
don't beat yourself up
thinking I'm not
doing enough,
I'm not doing it how I'm meant to do it
you know, I'm not doing it how Instagram
looks like it's meant to be
It's so hard to kinda get out of that mentality
Nicky: go easy on yourself
Rhiannon: Go easy on yourself,
like just go with the flow
Like don't think I've got to
get out of the house
and do ten things today,
no,
just take it easy
and you know, you'll find your way
and before you know it you'll find your feet,
you'll feel more comfortable and confident.
But I think it's just
it comes from you
not putting the pressure on yourself
and another
I was just gonna say another thing you can do is
really protect your space
when the baby's new
if you're feeling really tender
and feeling really vulnerable
and then having someone you know is going to come in
and just be like
what's going on here or the house is so filthy
they don't have to come around, cause it's your house.
You can say no
you know, just protect that space
and protect your self and your energy
because that is so drain-able having somebody come in
and it can cut you, when you're a brand new mum
and someone says something that
they're not thinking about it
they're not gonna give another thought,
but you might carry that with you for years.
So you know, protect your space.
Nicky: stay in your bubble, be in the little safe bubble
and obviously if mothers are feeling like they're not coping
or feeling like they're struggling
there are support services like you,
people like you that they can reach out to,
who else? Doctors
Rhiannon: Yeah you can speak to your doctor absolutely
if you're feeling you know seriously overwhelmed
go to your doctor,
they're the best person to speak to
if you're really feeling like things are going that way,
but just having like I said a doula who's in there,
you've got that person who is,
you know,
we also know what it looks like when a mum is not coping
so we can kinda see the signs,
sometimes when you're so deep in it,
you're not consciously going
things don't seem right, you just haven't go tout of bed or
you just haven't changed your clothes for a week
and you're like whatever
it is what it is,
this is my life now
and having that person kinda go
I think that we need to look at this a bit closer
like are you coping, if not I can come with you
to go and see someone.
You know, if you're struggling with breast feeding
lets call a lactation consultant together
you know, sometimes it's so hard to
do that
on your own,
cause it's just so hard
even to get out of bed
so having somebody who can kinda be like
let's do this, I got you, you know,
I'll be there, I'll sit with you beside,
you know lets get you well,
so, yeah, I mean, that's so important.
Nicky:That is so awesome, and obviously if anyone's in Perth
they can contact you
And I'll be putting all of your contact details
in the description box of this video as well
Rhiannon: Thank you, yes, yes call me
here for you Perth mums