(quirky music)
- Y'all know what I'm about to say at this point.
Hello. Happy gay month, you gays.
From me, your favorite ally.
It's now gay month. Haha! Woo!
Two weekends in and I'm exhausted.
I didn't do much, I'm just tired.
We made some gay cocktails.
Reacted to some gay pride merch.
And now for the climax of this time
where I exploit my sexuality 'cause it's really trendy.
We are going to be reacting to pro-gay content.
Yes, right girlies.
It's not my first time doing that.
Did I do this last year? Did I do this last year?
Girl, it's been a stressful few years, okay?
I need some positivity.
Also been another stressful period for me again.
And also I feel like there's a lot of negativity
being thrown around at a like higher rate than usual.
But we're gonna react to some pro content, okay?
We're all gonna smile and be giddy and happy and gay,
and gay, and
more gay.
Yeah! Yes gay.
Oh my god, I know some gay people.
Me too.
That's why I'm an ally.
("Star-Spangled Banner" instrumental plays)
(laughs)
So I took to Twitter.
Sadly. Unfortunately.
Guys gotta send me some pro-gay shit
so we can get all prideful and giddy.
And y'all sent me some and we're gonna react to that,
right now here in...
Being queer.
Yo, I'm sorry, I went on a run today.
My mind is gone.
- Wave your pride fags.
Flags!
- "Send me some pro-gay content,
let's get cute and prideful."
That's what I said.
I think we saw this last year, but I'm not certain,
but I think it's fucking hilarious
so I'm gonna show it anyway.
"Time to be proud.
Pride Whopper."
Do you see it? Do you see it?
Do you see it, gays?
You know I didn't get a single pride sponsorship this year
and I wonder...
I wonder why.
That how you fucking see it, you fucking gays?
It's a whopper with two tops and two bottoms.
I don't know what the fuck that means.
I don't know how that makes sense in the gay world
because that's like impossible.
Like what are two tops gonna do?
Punch each other?
Talk about their feelings?
Girl.
Honestly, this is probably not a thing they've ever done,
but this will be fucking great.
I want a top burger, please. Gimme a top burger, please.
Thank you very much.
A burger of only tops,
made from the top cow of the group
with the top tomatoes in the farm.
And the top lettuce from the...
Lettuce tree?
"I've been drawing portraits of queer people
slash canon queer characters every day of pride."
Where's mine?
Where's mine, Aisha-Luv!?
Just gonna post this, promote yourself
and then not give me one of mine?
Mm.
Okay, so who do we have?
Who's this?
Who's this, Aisha?
Aisha-Luv!, who's this?
There's a lesbian flag behind her,
so I'm guessing she's a lesbian.
And unfortunately due to my utter ignorance,
I don't know mentee a lesbian people.
That are famous. That are famous.
I know a lot of lesbians.
And who's this, Aisha?
Who's this?
For a second I thought it was Ross Matthews,
but then I know for a fact I'm going to embarrass myself.
This person looks like my friend Monica,
so I'm gonna say it is.
Congrats, Monica, you got one. I didn't.
Aisha.
Oh, I know him.
We know this one. We know this twink.
We've all been around.
This is me now, okay?
Paint him black, it's me.
Okay, I'll take him. I am now a twink.
I'm entering my twink era.
Imagine I just lost so much weight, right?
And I just became a twink.
I would be unstoppable, okay? Okay, bitch?
I'd be posting every day with my twink ass, okay?
Just 'cause I'm a twink, I don't fucking know what to do.
Front row at every concert, girls,
weaving my little twink ass between the crowd.
I'd be like a cat, girls.
Squeeze into people's backyards through the gates.
I'd be everywhere.
Logan, too, bitch, I don't care.
What is this?
(pitched-down music)
Oh.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'm just doing research, I'm just doing research.
It's just research, I'm just doing research.
So we gotta replay it real quick, for research purposes.
For research purposes, 'cause I'm a researcher.
An ally.
Mm, yeah.
Yeah, mm-hm.
Yeah. Yeah.
Mm-hm. Yeah.
You see, this is gay because...
This is pro-gay, because...
I say so.
And as an ally, I dictate what is and what isn't
right for you queers.
As an ally, of course. It's just for your safety.
And this is okay, okay? I approve it, you're welcome.
So when's the parade?
- [GEICO Gecko] People think I'm just some gecko
that sells insurance.
Did you know I'm also bisexual?
- And here we have a playlist.
"Coming out as gay to your parents."
"Hello, Mum, Dad, I AM Gay,
I was Born This Way. We Accept You."
Oh. I like how this is like a trend now.
People are using playlists to make sentences.
I just saw a TikTok of someone taking
the whole dinner speech from Hereditary,
and turning it into a playlist word for word.
I was screaming.
The dedication it takes,
and also the fact that there's a song out there
literally called "Your Sister Is Dead"?
Insanity.
Someone sent me a gif of a shark.
Is it gay because it's not swimming straight?
I'll accept it, okay, I'll accept it, okay,
as an ally.
"This moment from Big Windup screams gay without a doubt."
What is this show? I've never heard of this show.
What is this show? What's happening?
Why are they squeezing each other's hands?
These are the noises I think are happening
in each frame, okay?
Hng! Ah? Hrg! Gr!
Hm! Huh? Oh.
Ugh. Ah, ugh! Huh? Oh, uh!
Why do I feel like I'm 65% right?
Ooh, "Which of these guys is secretly gay?"
Oh my god.
Joey Graceffamicasifafanufacasumaca.
Remember that sponsor, 23andMe video he did,
where he was actually surprised that he was white?
I don't know, I just like to bring that up randomly,
'cause I made that compilation.
Okay, let's see what this is.
Oh, it's 13 minutes? Maybe we won't.
- [Joey] I was put together with a group of six cute boys
to put my gaydar to the test.
- Are they cute? Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Sorry, that was mean.
- [Joey] Each round, we will ask each other questions,
and vote out who we think is the gay one.
- Okay, they're voting out the gay?
When are we ever gonna win?
Why can't the gay just hang out,
Joey Graceffanicafaseffana?
Why can't the gay just hang out?
Lemme in this group, I could've been the secret gay.
I can.
As an ally, I am not.
I forgot, I'm already losing my track.
- I'm Zach, I'm straight.
- My name is Brett, and I am straight.
- You are not. You are not. Brett.
I am sorry, Brett.
My gaydar went woo, woo!
I could be wrong.
I could be problematic, I don't give a shit right now.
As an ally, I can be a little problematic sometimes, okay?
I already do enough for the gays.
- Hi, I'm Nick, and I'm straight.
- Hey, I'm Carey, and I'm straight.
- Honestly, Carey might be. Carey might be.
'Cause that grunge in his voice, that rattle in his voice,
makes me feel like he's smoking that smoke,
and going to those circuit parties,
and his voice is gone.
That was a very gay rasp.
As an ally, I can say that. As an ally, I can say that.
I get to dictate what I can say as an ally,
because I already support you (beep) so much.
I can say that now.
I can say that now, because I paid for drinks once.
- Right off the bat,
I'm curious if any of you guys are sus of anyone.
- I am, a little bit.
- Of course you're the first one to talk. Deflecting.
I watch too much Big Brother, I know, it's him. It's him.
I don't even wanna watch the full video,
I just wanna go straight to who's the gay one.
'Cause I personally think it's between Mr. Raspy Green Boy
and Mr. Denim Jacket Boy,
who just talked first to deflect his ass.
- Too clean looking, like,
the rest of us I think we just walked in here,
you look like you had it all done before you got in here.
- Too clean looking is your sussiness?
Mm-mm, no, that was a deflection.
No, it's him. I'm skipping to the end.
I can't watch this, it's gonna make me uncomfortable.
As an ally, I don't like to see gays tear each other apart.
You're more than your stereotypes, queen.
But first, do you wanna touch my boobs?
You wanna touch my boobs, right?
You wanna touch my boobs, right, you fucking (beep).
- I agree, 'cause highlights are really gay.
- Oh, no.
- And you have highlights.
- "Highlights are really gay, and you like,"
okay, maybe they're all gay.
Is this the twist?
'Cause he talked, too, and I'm like,
now I'm sussing all y'all out.
What are these like Corbin Fisher boys fucking,
what's that other one, what are the sites?
Sean Cody, there we go, that's the name.
I was like "It's a boy's name."
Let's skip to the end, I can't do this.
I can't do this. I'm not doing this.
Oh, oh, okay.
Okay, okay, okay.
So my third guess.
Which means I'm a gold star ally, look at me!
(laughs grandiosely)
Ru Paul.
"Matthew and Paul are the embodiment of wholesomeness
and I refuse to hear otherwise."
Excuse me?
As a wholesome ally for the gays,
I beg to differ.
I make a lot of wholesome content here, okay?
Like-
♪ In your ass ♪
Period.
Okay? And you (beep) better fucking watch it.
"Moving my blind husband's cup. Will he notice?"
Is this...?
I mean I guess they're a couple, but I mean damn,
if I was blind, I'd be like
"Bitch, you better stop moving my shit
before I throw this cup at your face."
But I have a temper, okay?
That's what allies have, we get mad for you gays,
'cause we know y'all can't fight.
Lemmy, stop!
- [Text To Speech] Seeing how long it takes
my blind husband to notice.
- Oh my god.
- His bald head (indistinct),
and Nick was like licking his own head.
- He's really just reaching for it, he's not grabbing it.
This feels fake.
This 110% feels rehearsed and skitted,
'cause why does he keep on grabbing his cup
when he's not even sipping from it?
He's just putting it right back down.
Whatever, okay, wholesome content,
you know, most wholesome content is pretty fake.
'Cause y'all gays ain't wholesome.
I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking.
I'm an ally, I'm an ally, guys.
"I heard what you said about gay people.
It wasn't very funny."
Who are you to say that?
As an ally, I say it was fucking hilarious,
and you (beep) better fucking laugh
or I'm gonna fucking tell Twitter
that you guys are being so disrespectful
to me and my allyship,
and you're gonna be fucking canceled, okay?
♪ Bitch, I'm an ally ♪
♪ I can't even think straight ♪
♪ Bitch, I'm an ally ♪
♪ I can't even think straight ♪
- "I've been waiting for this moment." What is this?
"4 BIG GUYS"? What?
I mean, I'll take four big guys.
I mean, girls. I'm an ally.
♪ Four big guys ♪
(dance music)
♪ Yes sir ♪
♪ Four big guys, and they grab on my thighs ♪
♪ Blow up my guts like the Fourth of July ♪
♪ If they keep fucking my butt, then I might just cry ♪
♪ Poop and semen spraying on my eyes ♪
♪ Lick my dick and the cum starts spraying ♪
♪ Charging up my dick, I'ma go Super Saiyan ♪
♪ When he cum the fucking booty, I don't do much playing ♪
♪ I whispered in his ear like "Hey, are you staying" ♪
♪ He said "Yeah, I'm not leaving" ♪
♪ I guess he George Floyd, ♪
♪ 'Cause always leaving my breathing ♪
♪ He chew on my dick like a baby that's teething ♪
- Did he just make a George Floyd allusion
to being surrounded by big men?
(slowed, high pitched music)
You see, this is where I'm gonna stop, y'know?
Sometimes you gays take it too far, okay?
As an ally, I have to police you for your safety.
- Ally.
- Okay, whatever.
Wow. Orange, that's a color in the rainbow.
I know that 'cause I'm an ally. I'm an ally.
I'm with you guys, you know?
You're welcome.
♪ Be who you are ♪
Oh my god, she's Black.
Black and gay? Wow.
I don't know.
I don't know, guys,
I gotta pick one to be an ally with, okay?
I can't be allied with both, okay?
I can't hold a rainbow flag while screaming BLM,
that's too much for me.
I'm an ally, okay? Allies need space to rest.
I only care about your rights
as much as it makes me comfortable and safe, okay?
Okay.
"Embrace." Embrasay? Embrasay.
Okay, ooh. Oh, she's not into you.
She's not into you.
This is an asexual video,
this is a video about asexualism.
Okay, music.
Hopefully it's not copyrighted, okay?
This ally needs to pay his rent.
Ooh.
♪ Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, be who you are for your pride ♪
She wasn't into it. Trying it again.
Wasn't sparking. She doesn't understand.
She's confused.
And now she's naked. She's naked.
Naked! Naked girl.
I'm an ally of that. I'm an ally of nakedism.
I'm an ally of nudism.
But I still gotta think about the Blacks, I'm not sure.
Wow, he turned into a fireball and exploded into a firework.
She touched her pussy and it's cracking.
Wow, I've been there before, sis.
(sputters)
Not into the bodies. Are you not into the bodies?
Not into the bodies, not into it. Okay.
So she's aseshesheshewy.
She's aseshoosashoo. Asixue, y'know?
More cracks.
Yeah, that's what happens when you're asexual, okay?
Everything around you just starts cracking,
even your pussy.
I would know, I'm an ally.
"Understanding Asex-" I knew it.
I knew it.
See, my senses, 'cause I'm an ally,
my senses are like supreme.
I can like spot a non-straight person from far away.
Okay?
You're welcome.
Yes, read it and understand yourself, sissy.
Sis-boom-bah. Sis-boom-bah-bah.
Are her cracks gonna be healed? What's happening here?
Naked ghost.
They're gonna make some naked ghost love, I love to see it.
As an ally, as an ally, as an ally, as an ally,
I support ghost sex.
Lemme stop talking.
More cracks, ooh, oh, she's reaching,
ooh, yeah, grabbing, and now time for the sex.
The sex. Time for the sex.
Ooh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, she turned her also into a ghost.
Okay, so this was Resident Evil.
The gays love that game, right?
Oh, is this supposed to be like she found who she was,
and now she's in a pool of belonging around people
that are like her?
I feel that, I feel that, I feel that, okay?
As an ally, sometimes when I walk into straight spaces,
I just feel like they don't understand my allyship.
Okay, but that was actually cute, I actually like that.
We stand with our fellow aces, okay?
Y'all are the best card in the pack, okay?
You can be one or 20.
Right?
Girl, I don't know. I don't fucking play blackjack.
Do I look like a girl that gambles?
"I don't have much, but I drew gay cats one time
and I'll do it again."
And that's all it takes, hunty, okay?
Hunty mama sis-boom-bah.
Kitty cat cat cacat cacat cat, sashay away.
Shantae, you stay.
- Ally.
(multiple overlapping songs) (birds screeching)
- Was that the bite of '87?
(logo dings)
- I'm scared?
- [Player] In the hood I'm like Princess Diana.
In the hood I'm like Princess Diana, like, period, bitch,
I'm in the hood, I'm like Princess Diana, bitch,
I'm thick 'cause I be eating oats!
(logo dings)
- Okay, maybe I'm not an ally anymore, I don't know.
I hope you gays have a wonderful gay month.
♪ Be who you are, for your pride ♪
♪ Don't hide ♪
What did we learn today, kids?
We learned that I'm a great ally, I'm a wonderful ally.
I'm not the only one that gets cracks in my pussy.
That was great to see that representation there.
The ghost sex, that was also great to see.
And then I'm really good at my gaydar, okay?
I see someone put a link to my channel,
and you guys are so funny when you do that.
You're so funny.
As an ally, I find it a joke.
Okay? Y'all know.
Y'all know I'd never just do some gay shit.
Now I'm gonna go order my top Whopper,
and have a bottom of a good time.
(laughs painedly)
Do they have good times? I don't know.
I wouldn't know, I'm an ally.
There's still a few more days to sign up for the Japan trip,
I'm going to Japan, I'm going to Japan, I'm going to Japan.
I keep on saying this over and over again,
but there's still a group of people that don't know this.
June 23rd is the last day for you to sign up to get tickets.
Hopefully this video comes out before then.
Not cheap, I'm sorry, it's literally international trip
with a tour guide.
But other than that, thank you guys for watching.
My name is Mac, and don't forget to like, comment,
share and subscribe, bye!