Oh hey everybody.
This week week on Ask Cristen, this is my resting bitch face and it needs no reminders to smile.
This week’s Ask Cristen question is coming from JillJune96 who wants to know, ‘Hey
Cristen.’
Hey JillJune96.
‘Why do men ask women to smile?
I'd also like to point out that I have never been asked to smile by a boy who is my own
age.
It is always a man who is over 30.
It seems to me that whenever they ask you to smile it’s for their own benefit, not
yours.
But I would love to hear your input on this.
Thanks!’
Smiling in public spaces is a feminine gendered act.
Yale psychologist Marianne LeFrance has studied this extensively and literally wrote the book,
actually make that books, on smiling.
Doctor LaFrance’s research has found that while women and girls might be all smiles
when hanging out with other people, when we are alone gender differences in smiling behaviors
disappears.
And that smiling gender gap also closes when the power dynamics are equal.
Why are women and girls smiling all the time in the first place?
2 hypotheses.
The warmth afflictive hypothesis claims that if women are more expressive, emotional and
empathetic naturally, then naturally we’ll just smile more.
But to me this hypothesis doesn’t hold much water considering how anxiety and depressive
disorders are twice as commonly diagnosed among women and if we get back to smiling
research there is no gender difference in the amount of fake smiles versus genuine or
Duchenne smiles that men and women exhibit.
Even if we might smile more frequently, it doesn’t mean that we are genuinely beaming
out happiness and empathetic expression.
Which brings us to the dominance status hypothesis.
This posits that people with less social power will actually smile more as a form of compliance
to those people with higher social status and more power.
In the context of a gender unequal society where there are absolutely power imbalances
at play, it’s almost as if a lady smile says, ‘hey there don’t worry about me,
I’m going to stay in my lane.’
And when it comes to why women these days can’t seem to shut up about men shutting
up about telling them to smile, I think there are two main factors fueling this frustration.
Number 1: Dudes I don’t care how pure-hearted you think your intentions are, the fact of
the matter is it’s a dominance display and especially if you’re just telling a random
women going about her day that you don’t even know that you just really like to see
her smile.
The subtext of that is requesting her compliance to your higher status and ho, ho, ho ‘scuse?
And guys there’s also a cautionary tale for you in here because y’all are so used
to smiles being served up to you left and right that research finds that women are better
at distinguishing between fake and genuine smiles whereas men are a lot likelier to misinterpret
women’s smiles as us flirting.
Frustration fuel number 2: Cognitive dissonance is just exhausting.
I have a feeling that people watching this who are in service oriented jobs whether it’s
baby-sitting, bartending or being a flight attendant who have to put on that happy face
know this type of emotion labor drainage very well.
Psychological research has found that it actually detaches us from ourselves which of course
at the end of the day makes self-care a lot harder.
So what are we to do about all of this?
Well guys if you’re confused at this point I would highly recommend checking through
the sources in this video description and reading some of Dr. LaFrance’s research
because it’s just straight up fascinating.
And I’m not saying that men are bad for wanting to see smiles I just think that it’s
helpful for us to peel back some of the layers of what’s going on in this very persistent
cultural pattern, because that’s another thing.
This is a cultural specific pattern, both our smiling gender gap and also the expectation
delivered by men to women that we should be smiling all the time.
So now I want to know from you dear viewers.
What are your thoughts, tips and insights on this whole smiling issue?
Let me know in the comments below.
And thanks to everybody who watched and commented on the last Ask Cristen question, ‘Am I
worth the wait?’
Mel said, ‘Counseling!!
Don’t underestimate the power of talking to a professional who specializes in PTSD
after assault.
As a survivor myself, it has been pivotal in my growth as a person.’
Aaron Pelchat shared, ‘I’ve been going through a tough time with the loss of a person
in my life recently, so a lot of this really jived with me.
It isn’t easy loving yourself and reminding yourself that you’re worthy of love on such
a non-linear path as recovery.
Also Cristen, I also enjoy binging on 90s television to help myself feel better.
I marathoned all 134 episodes of Xena: Warrior Princess in under a month.
So much feminism and so much gay, it was a solid decision.’
So as always dear friends, ask me your questions whatever they may be so I can give you some
answers with a hefty dose of resting bitch face.