( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ALL RIGHT, WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY.
PLEASE I'M JUST GONNA DO THIS OVER HERE AGAIN, DO IT OVER HERE
AGAIN BECAUSE I HAVE A VERY SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT RIGHT NOW.
I JUST FOUND OUT RIGHT BEFORE THE SHOW SOMETHING WE DIDN'T
KNOW.
YOU KNOW HOW WE HAD THE LATE-SEASON FORM STELLA?
WELL WE MADE A LITTLE FUN OF THE WEATHER CHANNEL BECAUSE THEY'RE
NOT ALLOWED TO NAME ANYTHING, BUT THEY DO IT ANYWAY.
THEY'RE NOT PART OF THE GOVERNMENT.
AND THEY NAMED IS WINTER STORM STAECIALG SO WE MADE FUN OF THEM
BY RENAME IT WINTER STORM CRAZY BALLS.
AND IT TURNS OUT, JUST HAVING SOME FUN, IT TURNS OUT THEY'VE
GOT A SENSE OF HUMOR BECAUSE THEY'VE JUST TOLD US-- AND THIS
IS-- I CAN SAY THIS?
OKAY.
NEXT YEAR, FOR THE 2017/2018 WINTER STORM SEASON, THE THIRD
STORM, THE LETTER "C" STORM, WILL BE WINTER STORM COLBERT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THERE IT IS.
>> Jon: THAT'S WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT!
WOOO!
>> Stephen: IT'S TRUE.
THIS IS REAL.
AND I HAVE-- I HAVE ALWAYS SAID IT IS SO GREAT THAT THE WEATHER
CHANNEL DOES THIS.
THEY SHOULD BE PART OF THE GOVERNMENT.
THEY'RE REALLY SUCH AN IMPORTANT PART OF OUR CULTURE.
>> Jon: RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.
>> Stephen: LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT NEXT YEAR.
PLEASE, EVERYONE STAY SAFE DURING WINTER STORM COLBERT.
SPEAKING OF NATURAL DISASTERS, DONALD TRUMP.
TODAY, PRESIDENT TRUMP WENT TO A RALLY IN YPSILANTI, MICHIGAN.
AND HE TALKED ABOUT HIS CLOSE TIES WITH THE AUTO INDUSTRY.
>> DURING MY FIRST WEEK IN OFFICE, I BROUGHT AMERICAN AUTO
COMPANIES TO THE WHITE HOUSE.
NONE OF THEM EVER GOT TO SEE THE OVAL OFFICE BEFORE, BECAUSE
NOBODY TOOK THEM INTO THE OVAL OFFICE, OUR PRESIDENTS.
THEY EMPLOY TENS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE, BUT I BROUGHT THEM INTO
THE OVAL OFFICE.
>> Stephen: IT'S TRUE.
TRUMP WAS THE FIRST PRESIDENT TO BRING AUTO EXECUTIVES INTO THE
OVAL OFFICE.
HE'S ALSO THE FIRST TO BRING IN STEVE BANNON, KFC LUNCH BUCKETS,
AND THAT BEEPING HOUSEPLANT HE GOT FROM VLADIMIR PUTIN.
BEAUTIFUL, NEVER SEEMS TO BE WATERED.
AND TRUMP ALSO TALKED ABOUT OTHER BIG CHANGES HE PLANS NOW
THAT HE'S IN OFFICE.
>> OUR TRADE DEFICIT LAST YEAR REACHED NEARLY $800 BILLION.
NOTHING HAPPENED.
BUT SOMETHING DID HAPPEN, HAPPENED ON NOVEMBER 8.
BELIEVE ME, IT HAPPENED.
>> Stephen: ALWAYS SO INSPIRATIONAL WHEN FOUR MONTHS
AFTER THE ELECTION, THE PRESIDENT'S MESSAGE IS,
"BELIEVE ME, THIS HAPPENED."
IT REMINDS ME OF M.L.K.'S "THIS IS NOT A DREAM" SPEECH.
WAKE UP.
I THINK THAT'S HOW IT GOES.
>> Jon: I DON'T REMEMBER IT LIKE THAT.
>> Stephen: AND TONIGHT-- THAT WAS TODAY, TONIGHT THE PRESIDENT
IS IN NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE, HOLDING A HUGE RALLY IN HOPES OF
WINNING LAST YEAR'S POPULAR VOTE.
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.
BUT MEANWHILE, THE OBAMACARE REPLACEMENT, THE TRUMPCARE, IS
IN HUGE TROUBLE.
IT'S TOO CONSERVATIVE FOR MODERATES AND TOO MODERATE FOR
CONSERVATIVES.
IT'S LIKE A FORMULA 1 RACE CAR MADE BY VOLVO THAT RUNS ON THE
TEARS OF OLD PEOPLE.
( LAUGHTER ) DOCTORS HATE IT, RETIREES HATE
IT, HUMANS HATE IT, BREITBART HATES IT-- THIS BILL IS SO
UNPOPULAR AND OFFENSIVE, TRUMP MIGHT APPOINT IT TO HIS CABINET.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS ) >> Jon: THERE MIGHT BE A
POSITION FOR IT.
>> Stephen: BIG FANS OF TRUMP'S CABINET HERE TONIGHT.
SO WITH OPPOSITION ON ALL SIDES, SOME ARE WARNING THE PRESIDENT
WHAT PASSING THIS BILL COULD DO TO HIS RE-ELECTION HOPES.
>> I THINK DONALD TRUMP IS GOING TO GET CAUGHT ON THIS IN 2020.
I THINK THIS IS A TRAP SET FOR TRUMP.
>> Stephen: OH, IT'S A CLASSIC TRUMP TRAP.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW HOW TO SET A TRUMP
TRAP-- YOU JUST PROP A BOX UP WITH A STIRK PUT A TACO BALL
UNDER IT AND DO THE TRUMP CALL: "CLASSY
BOOBS!