Hey there, Anndi at The Skin Deep
if you're curious about {THE AND} experience, check out our card game
that you can find at theskindeep.com/shop and play in the comfort of your own home.
Enjoy!
Ready?
Alright
What do you remember from the first time we met?
I remember...
seeing your headshot
like on a mood board for a runway show that we were about to walk in together
and I remember saying,
"Why do I want to have a sex with that woman?"
When I first saw your photo
Yeah, I remember
like getting changed with you and like noticing that our outfit was like super similar
and getting put, I think right behind you in the lineup.
We were actually walking together.
Yeah
In the same exact outfit.
In the same outfit?
Same outfit.
Yeah, puff puff
It was really puffy.
So puffy.
Like embarrassingly puffy
But, like cute
Yeah
When do you feel closest to me?
Well, when umm
we made out that one time while watching RuPaul's Dragrace
No, that was like-
It was actually the the night that we met.
I remember like...
I remember thinking our relationship was gonna go in a totally different direction
when I first met you.
Well I, you know-
I feel like in the future, one day- you know
Maybe, heyy
It's the genitalia thing.
- That's literally it! - That's it!
But I didn't even know about your genitalia when I first met you, I was-
Obviously I was like attracted to your personality
Yeah
No, I'm kidding
No, I really was
See I would, but the prob-
Last time I slept with any guy,
it was like that guy who kind of looked like the flock of seagulls and I literally didn't know what to do
I was like
and I just I couldn't do that to you.
I couldn't deprive you of:
You know, servicing - I mean
I don't know
I don't know!
I don't feel closest with you when I'm being...
sexual with you.
It's more when I
Don't have anybody else to turn to.
Like you're that person in my life.
So, yeah.
You're like my confidant, you know?
I feel the same way
Like I feel like, I feel closest to you when I come home after a long day
and we don't need to talk.
No matter what we're doing, even if it's really mundane. It just doesn't feel awkward or off
and it can be filled with silence and I am so
surrounded by noise all the time with like, you know
the press and people, like constantly hitting me up through social media and my work.
It's just it's nice to know that there's one person I can be silent with.
Yeah, meow
What's one thing I don't understand about you and why do you think that is?
That's a big question
I'm gonna get some water for that question
Oh
Well there- yeah, okay
Yeah
Oh, yeah that thing
Yeah, well
But it's okay.
No, it's good. It's it's actually fine. It's good that you don't understand everything
because I am a standalone human being at the end of the day.
Yeah, and you gotta have some mystery
I gotta have some mystique about me or else, you know
One thing that I think that you might not understand
is my experience
culturally, my experience with my family being, you know
raised by an interracial couple and
going and visiting those two respective families and entering into those two different worlds.
I think that that is something
that very few people get to have.
And I feel lucky- I want to bring you to my-
- We're going in a few weeks, I'm going to go down - to my Mom's house
Yeah, well I want you to meet-
But, it's like
Yeah, if you meet my family
like my immediate family,
It's gonna be a different experience because we were raised in love and acceptance
and we were encouraged to be ourselves
authentically and all of that because my parents
had to fight for the validation of their love alone.
But when you visit my Southern Baptist family in North Carolina, that will be the culture shock for you-
I can relate though, my Dad's a Trump supporter
My you know, I mean, I don't really like using the term dad but one of my parents is a Trump supporter
And then the other side is very Catholic.
Yeah
So there can be a relatability
I mean as a person who- you know, my birth certificate has an F on it.
And I've always felt like that F stood for failure
you know because I just failed to pass or failed to be good enough to be an acceptable woman.
When I wear a dress down the street I get these looks and when I see a job opening for, you know female
Bartender or whatever. I know that whenever it says female, they're not talking about me.
Yeah
No matter how I try and I feel really alone in my identity a lot of times.
Yeah
And you're a person who really strongly identifies as a 'He' and you do have a lot of queerness around you-
But don't even say that because that's not true.
Ah, that's something that I don't know about you.
No, I've said it.
I don't have a preferred gender pronoun whatsoever
Really?
So my preference is not 'He' and I know that- I thought you knew that.
I did not know that.
In our talk that we did at the Phluid project,
that's the first thing I said.
Like, my name is Cory Wade. I don't have a preferred gender pronoun.
That means you can call me 'He' and I will respond. You can call me 'She' and I will respond.
You can call me 'They' and I will respond.
You can call me unicorn. You can call me galaxy- anything.
I remember that part, yeah
But that's what-
But I guess it's cuz like, maybe that-
I mean, I remember you saying that, but I guess like I've never seen I've never seen-
I've never seen it in action.
Oh, it's in- it's in full throttle, full force,
full action Hanny.
RD: Um that's amazing C: I promise you that.
But I still-
I will cherish and love that.
But I didn't know, I'm so sorry like I-
I've always kind of assumed that you're very in your male identity.
Because you're very-
What about me...
and how I act or even dress sometimes
RD: Well, yeah C: gives you that impression?
Well your dressing can definitely be a lot more
across societal norms or spectrums.
Yeah
But I guess that like inherent knowledge of like what is our body to ourselves
and I've never had a conversation with you
I don't think ever,
being like: this is how I deeply, truly feel in my heart and you know
you said "I feel deeply-
I didn't feel male because male for me was something to constantly live up to.
I was raised with 3 straight, cis
brothers, who were brought up, you know- put into sports.
And I was too
and we were constantly like measured by how manly we were.
And it wasn't like anything intentional that our parents were doing it was just kind of like
that's what the world does, you know?
So I'm definitely- I would consider myself genderqueer, but I also pass by societal standards
Yeah
in a way that I know you don't.
Like I've seen it with you in real time where I'm like
waiting outside of a bathroom for you because
I'm afraid somebody's gonna say something
because I'm watching their eyes and I see them looking at you when you go into the women's room.
That's what I'm talking about. Like that's that's the
Where you've really, you know
your experience is like totally educational for me being a part of it, being there.
Um yeah
and yeah, yeah, yeah
Meow meow meow meow meow
What's the pain in me that you wish you could heal and why?
Yeah, I think that a lot of times you don't feel like you're enough.
And that
You know, as much as you keep on saying like my destiny
I know I'm destined for good things and know I have a future that's not this, it's something bigger.
I think often times you think that you're not enough. That you're not good enough, you're not pretty enough,
you're not like unique enough, you know
and you just keep on going through these waves of rejection
and I think sometimes you reject yourself over that
I wish that- that's definitely something I wish I could heal for you because I think you're absolutely enough.
Thanks
We just have to find who it is out there who wants to...
Sabotage me. No, just kidding-
I'm a psychopath.
Thanks
Yeah
What do I wish I could heal in you?
I
know that deep down, based on how I've seen you react when
people say certain things to you about your physical appearance.
That you don't know how beautiful you really are.
Oh shucks
I don't get bothered by- I really don't get bothered by physical comments,
RD: but I do get bothered that people- C: I've seen it
No, I don't actually feel ugly when people say it,
I feel frustrated because I know that's the kind of stuff people kill themselves over every day.
And I know if they're saying it to me, they're saying it to other people
and it really upsets me.
That's why I respond to them on social media.
That's why I spend like part of my day,
Educate don't hate, like going on and actually responding to the trolls.
Which you're not supposed to do, but we have a lot of fun with it and we've actually
converted and brought a lot of people over to a more peaceful
Yeah
way of thinking.
I've seen that, and I-
but I've also seen it with people who
know you beyond social media like
lovers and
Oh yeah, for sure.
People who you've let into your life who say
Yeah, really really intimate people
Who say things that I see cut you and I just want you to know
that when they do that,
that's their ugly showing and
that you are beautiful and perfect.
In, not only my eyes, but in so many other people's eyes.
Both of your eyes!
Yeah, in both of my eyes
You're so pretty
So pretty
What do you wish for me in the future?
Ugh
Everything
I don't even think you know how big it's gonna get
but it's gonna get big Henny
and you are-
I think that you are
extraordinary and I just want you to live up to
Your highest version of you and
it's gonna happen.
So, I'm not even worried. It's not even like I have to
C: wish for it RD: It's happening
Yeah
that's the thing about you
like, I'm like I see you
Same thing about you.
Yeah
If shit goes south,
we'll just either live in a tent in my- one of my parents backyards up in Vermont
and make a living collecting eggs and mushrooms from the forest.
But we'll be together
It's gonna be beautiful.
Alright
Awww
Why do you love me?
Meow
Why do I love you?
You know, it's really funny
We first met during the runway show, but the funny thing is is I didn't even want to be a model, I ended up
You know
I ended up going to a lot- to my friend's house and they wanted to be a model
they wanted to be on America's Next Top Model and I was homeless at the time,
I was in a really rough space
She would say, ok, if you come over and you work out with me and help me get in shape
I'll let you crash for the night
So every week I would come over when America's Next Top Model was on
and we'd watch an episode of America's Next Top Model
We would work out to Richard Simmons
and then we'd rewatch the episode and drink a bottle of Jack Daniels and completely undo everything
that we had just done.
But when I watched the show it was the season that you were on
and I saw you just getting slammed for your identity so much
It really
it really affected me really deeply
and when you got eliminated I actually stopped watching. I still don't know who won the season
I didn't care
I was like, "justice was not served" and I always wanted to meet you.
I was like this person is so amazing
and I feel so connected to them and their struggle and who they are
When I saw you, um
It wasn't like this weird bizarre new friends kind of thing
my instinct was- I remember, I think I said
you were just like "Hey!" you were just very friendly
and I was like "Good to see you"
Not like "Nice to meet you" or "Hey, how are you?"
It was "Good to see you" like
we just had like spent the day apart
or we've known each other our entire lives.
and I think that's why I love you.
I think, like
we are people who have existed together for a long period of time even if it's not in physical space.
I think we're just
We have a really really special honest connection. That's headed in the same
Like to the same dimension and I'm really really honored to be in your life.
I Love you
because
You accept all of me and
really understand truly all of me.
And that's why it's hard to like even
grasp to try to answer the question earlier
like what don't you understand about me because I feel like
there aren't very many people out there who do.
The only reason we seem like so much and we seem
so mysterious to most is because of what people are trained to perceive as normal
and I think that
You are like the most normal person I've ever met and no one would ever ever say that about you
You know?
But it's because I see-
That's fair
its because I see myself in you.
Yeah, I just, I love you. You know that.
I love you too
Mm-hmm.
I know that yeah, meow!
We're going to have beautiful babies in the future.
Done.
Yeah, so is the pact still intact?
Yeah sperm donor or marriage.
Marriage
If we don't get married by, you know
Yeah, but no
When we- if we do that, it's gonna be such like a beautiful like queer wedding
that I'm going to be such like an insane planner for.
I can't wait.
Cool
Hey guys, I hope you enjoyed the video if you want to see more videos like this one
You should definitely consider supporting us on patreon at theskindeep.com/patreon.
Thank you very much!