Well hello there again, Internet!
Corrine here, and you're watching Corrine vs. Cooking!
Today I'm gonna be attempting... THE CAULIFLOWER GRILLED CHEESE.
Yeah.
Sounds delicious, doesn't it?
I happen to f***in' love cauliflower and I've been seeing
this goddamn cauliflower grilled cheese creation
all over my Facebook feed
for the past couple days and I need to make it.
Now normally, I don't give a f***,
I'll eat bread. I'm not one of those gluten-free people.
But I do have a lot of friends who are,
so this is my service to them.
Because not eating bread...SUCKS
And having a good grilled cheese alternative never hurts
And, I'm gonna make this a little bit more interesting
by going to the farmers market to see if I can procure some cauliflower.
Farm to table, BITCHES!
Let's get started, shall we?
I was looking for cauliflower, you got any cauliflower, up there? [Inaudible "no".] Cool, thank you so much!
I have a random question for you. [Mmhm?] When does cauliflower season start?
[Uhhh, I think it starts in the fall?] In the fall? [We usually get cauliflower with apples...] Okay, cool! Good to know! Thank you! [You're welcome!]
Well dang, that was /fruitless/!
Guess we're gonna have to go for the imported stuff!
I was really hoping to lessen the ecological footprint of my cauliflower grilled cheese.
Apparently, I have to be an asshole just like everyone else!
That cauliflower only had to travel across the country...
...that's not to bad, right?
Who cut this cheese anyway? It's a little pricey.
Phwoo, alright.
We made it home from yet another excursion to the outside lands.
I think we have all the ingredients we need,
and I got my chef hat on!
So, y'know I'm f***in' ready to get this party started!
*whispers* Let's do this!
Okay. So, the first thing I have to do,
according to this little video over here,
is cut my cauliflower into /florets/.
That's a hard word to say.. /florets/ {okay Buddy}
Upon unwrapping this cauliflower, however,
I'm realizing the downfalls of eating things out of season.
This sh*t has all kinds of rot spots in it,
and it smells /pretty bad/.
I don't even know if this is safe to use, but
this sh*t flew all the way from California,
so we're gonna have to f***in' use it.
Just go ahead and shave all that sh*t right off.
There ya go, just shave it off.
I wish I could do this with parts of /my/ body.
Yeah, that's a lovely image to have while making oneself a grilled cheese sandwich..
*chuckles* Good times...
Okay, now we put our broccoli{cauliflower} pieces into the foo processor
to make "Cauliflower RICE".
You can't see this right now,
but I put 'Cauliflower RICE' in air quotations,
'Cause it's not really rice.
Yeah.
Impalio motherf***ers know all about that cauliflower rice, don't you? ..A little culty..
Just a little culty...
Okay.. anyway,
Now we can crack our eggs and mix those up,
and then grate some of our parmesan cheese in there.
Now, I don't know why I'm complaining about the cauliflower coming from so far away,
this sh*t came all the way from Italy. So..
This grilled cheese has already traveled a ton of miles.
And, actually, now I'm finding out that all this other organic sh*t is from China!
We're all being lied to all the time.
Alrighty then.
Now, I just gotta put some seasoning in there and mix that sh*t up
and in the cauliflower goes!
Yeah. It's lookin' pretty good.
Now, what I usually do when I'm cookin' grilled cheese
is put a sh*t ton of butter in the pan.
The video didn't show anything about butter in the pan,
but I just think this is really important to the process.
Ya need f***in' butter when you make a grilled cheese sandwich.
And, yeah, ya just scoop a couple scoops of your cauliflower mixture into the pan,
and kinda shape it into a bread [slice] shape
Now, this is the part that makes ya feel a little sad,
Is it really that important that I eat bread,
that I gotta shape some cauliflower into the shape of pieces of bread?? Is that what my life has become?!?
Okay, yeah. So, uh,
On my first flipping attempt,
I realized that this sh*t is not as easy as it looks.
And I actually think the butter did not /help/ my situation..
I think it made things a little too /moist/.
So... yeah.. This-
This just didn't work at all.
Okay, Attempt Number 2: Without the Butter!
Butter doesn't make everything better, apparently.
Just scooping some more cauliflower batter into my pan and shapin' up my little bread pieces,
And, guess what, things are shaping up pretty nicely.
Yes. This definitely seems to be working better, things aren't breaking apart as much so...
F***.
Whatever, I'm not gonna lose all hope.
Regroup a little..
F***in' sh*t will not stay together.
*chuckles of exasperation*
*sighs*
It's okay, I think my cheese will hold it all together in the long run.
So, let's get some cheese in there!
And now we wait.
/This/ is the magical time in a grilled cheese sandwich's life, you can't rush this process.
You gotta be patient.
Okay, I think it's ready!
Let's do a little pull porn first, shall we?
Oh yeah. Look at that gooey deliciousness
*chuckles*
*sigh*
*whispers* You are everything to me.
Look who shows up /right when/ the sandwiches finish. [It smells good.]
[What is it?]
It is a cauliflower grilled cheese, wanna try it? [Of f***in' course I wanna try it, I'm starving.]
Alright, here you go.
[Doesn't look like a grilled cheese sandwich.] It's made out of cauliflower
[What's made out of cauliflower?] The bread!
[The bread...?] Yeah!
[Technically then it's not bread, is it?] It's bread.
[It's a cauliflower and cheese patty is what it is.] It's "bread".
[Is that a rabbit, what are you doin'?]
*C chuckles* Just try it!
*more chuckles*
Do you think it's better than a grilled cheese?
[No..] *both start chuckling*
Do you think it compares at all to a regular grilled cheese? [No. Not even slightly.]
For the record, am I good at making grilled cheese sandwiches? [Yes.]
[Yes, you are good at making grilled cheese sandwiches but this..]
[is a.. this is terrible.]
*R chuckles* [This is terrible]
It doesn't taste good, right? [No] *more chuckles from Rob*
[It needs some more salt of somethin']
I tried to put salt in it.. I was thinkin' some sriracha maybe.
[It tastes foreign, like something I would eat in a distant country and not enjoy.]
[but I'm eating it here] Racist.
[No, I'm just saying, there's different food out in the world, some of it you don't like.]
[This is one of 'em.]
Sriracha makes everything better. [Yeah.]
[Yep. You gotta numb your tongue first.] Right.
[And then it tastes alright.]
Yeah, alright, thank your for your feedback.
Thank you. [*distant* You're welcome.]
It's very *starts laughing* artistic...
I'd be PISSED if I got this instead of a grilled cheese.
I probably won't be making this again.
You f***in' lied internet. You LIED.
Why? Why do you have to lie??
..hat is just stupid now!
Stupid!
..unworthy of it.