(upbeat jingle)
- Welcome back!
- Kickstarter, it's where crazy ideas go to get funded,
like your half-brother Robbie who's trying to make a
digital-dystopian-wizard-vampire graphic novel
called "Skyfiire", why two I's!
- Okay, here's what we have done:
we have scoured Kickstarter and found some real ideas
that we feel like need a little extra help
getting off the ground, and today we are offering them some
musical assistance in the form of
completely original jingles.
My heart's a tinglin' to kickstart some jinglin', Rhett!
- Right.
- It's time for:
Kickstarter Jingles!
(percussive beat)
- Alright, up first,
we've got the Micro Ice Maker.
It is a USB powered, tiny ice maker that makes
tiny ice cubes in six minutes.
- So your laptop can make ice cubes.
- Yeah buddy!
And they say on their Kickstarter, "The ice cubes makers",
yes they made both of those plural.
So, I'm just gonna go and trust that that is the way that
ice cubes makers want me to say it.
"The ice cubes makers are perhaps the smallest, fastest
and cheapest in the world market" and if you didn't know
there was a world market for ice cubes, you ain't livin'.
- Is this dangerous, Rhett?
I mean if you've got ice, like, water going into you laptop
that's kinda scary.
- Well, as long as you have it on a level surface
I don't think that's gonna be a problem.
Don't operate this on a slope.
- Maybe we should put that in the jingle.
- Speaking of danger: I think that is the angle
for the jingle that is gonna get this thing funded.
- Yes.
- Here it is:
Hit it!
(playful xylophone music)
♫ Studies show big ice cubes can kill you
♫ When ones stuck in your throat, what you gonna do
♫ You're gonna stop breathing before it melts away
♫ Then you'll be dead or have a damaged brain
♫ Tiny ice is the best solution yet
♫ Just go to www.bigicesucks.net/tinycubes
- That's what they call in marketing a fear tactic.
- That's right, and bigicesucks.net is available.
We did not buy it.
- We're not going to
- Yeah, but it is available.
- You can use your Kickstarter funding for that.
- You're welcome, Micro Ice Maker!
- Alright, I've got another Kickstarter campaign here,
it's very intriguing, it is called "The Strap".
- Uh oh...
- It is a do-it-yourself strapping system.
It is designed to secure and organize your items
in many different ways to suit your needs--
- [Rhett] I don't understand what I'm
trying to strap it down for.
Is this earthquake stuff?
- Well, it could be, but I think it's just so that
all of your medicines can stay in one place and--
- But why do I need my bowls strapped to my plates?
In what world
is this person living in that they think that's a good idea?
- I think what you're pointing out is that this is a very
progressive concept.
- Oh, that's right.
- And it really needs a jingle to sell it.
- Right.
I shouldn't be so skeptical, is that what you're saying?
(laughs)
- So, let's help 'em out, Rhett.
- Okay.
- Hit it!
(snare drum beat)
♫ All the smartest people in the world use the strap
♫ Don't bother checking, I can tell you it's a fact
♫ Organize your stuff by strapping it in
♫ Then walk away and let the party begin
♫ Oh jeez, Stacy came to the party
♫ She's standing over there by the tray of havarti
♫ Go on dude, go and talk to her
♫ Tell her about the strap, it'll make you seem cool
♫ Tell everyone about the strap, it'll make you seem cool
Yeah
- Wow, Stacy's gonna love that!
- She is so on-board.
- Stacy loves The Strap, ya hear that Stacy?
- Yeah.
- You listenin' Stacy?
- We got another one, right?
- We do: Vegan Packets!
- Vegan Packets, you've heard of those!
There on Kickstarter! (laughs)
- I actually did not know this, but--
- Me neither.
- A lot of condiments are not vegan.
Makes sense.
Their Kickstarter states, "We wanna make dining out easy
for vegans with grab-and-go condiments".
The problem is that they did not even get close
to their funding.
- Do you know why?
- I don't wanna say that there's not a lot of demand
for vegan condiments, that's not what I'm gonna say.
I think it's because they don't have a jingle.
- Yes!
That's it! (laughing)
- And they're gonna have one right now.
Hit it!
(Slow electronic music)
♫ If you eat ketchup or you eat mustard,
♫ Blood is on your hands.
♫ If there's mayo on your sandwich, you must understand.
♫ That condiments are tainted with the suffering of animals,
♫ But there's new condiments that lack it.
♫ So if you're vegan and you like Ranch, grab a Vegan Packet
♫ Ohhh Tastes great on beef.
- Yeah.
- Tastes great on beef.
You may not wanna do that, but it will taste great on beef.
- Alright, all of those Kickstarters have been jinglified!
- Yes, next make sure to click through to the next segment
to see Link make his long-awaited return to Instagram!
- That's right, I'm comin' back,
and I'm bringin' Beyoncé with me!
- Clean muggin', straight huggin'.
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