>> THANK YOU!
>> Stephen: HEY!
>> GOOD, GOSH.
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU.
>> I'M SO HAPPY TO BE HERE.
I'M STILL TALKING IN THAT OTHER VOICE.
I'M JOHN BOLTON ♪ BOLTON, BOLTON, BOLTON
♪ KEEP THE DOGGY ROLLING ♪ I'M JUST FEEDING FROM THE ENERGY
BEFORE.
>> Stephen: I LIKE IT.
>> STEPHEN!
>> Stephen: WHEN YOU SEE SOMEBODY LIKE JOHN BOLTON APPEAR
ON THE NATIONAL SCENE, DO YOU GO, "OH, WHAT A LOVELY
CHARACTER?" LIKE, "LET ME AT HIM!"
WELL, Y>> WELL, YOU KNOW, WE TOO LIBERTYS.
THE MUSTACHE WAS GREAT.
HE'S GOT THE NEWS TALK, AND HE SAYS CRAZY THINGS, BUT HE ACTS
VERY CALM.
"I BELIEVE IT'S A WONDERFUL THING WHEN A NUCLEAR WEAPON GETS
OUT OF ITS TIGHT SILO AND HAS A THROBBING, AGGRESSIVE TRAJECTORY
TOWARD ANOTHER COUNTRY."
AND YOU'RE LIKE, "WHAAAT!" "I THINK THERE ARE MANY
COUNTRIES WE HAVE HAVE TO BE WORRIED ABOUT IN TERMS OF
THREATS-- CANADA, FRANCE, NORWAY, HAWAII."
"HAWAII?" "WELL, THEY COULD BECOME A
NATION STAKE AND DEVELOP NUKES."
WHAT I'M ALWAYS LOOKING FOR IS THE EXAGGERATION POINT.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> YOU'RE GOING FROM THAT AND THEN THE LITTLE HEEE"P" LIKE AN
ANIMAL.
>> Stephen: WHEN I WORKED FOR YOU ON THE "DANA CARVEY SHOW."
YOU SAID, "DON'T WORRY IF IT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE THE PERSON.
>> YOU FIND YOUR HOOK.
CAN YOU DO YOUR ANGRY GREGORY PECK FOR THE PEOPLE OVER 50?
>> Stephen: SURE, I'LL TRY.
>> WE THREW SO MANY THINGS AT STEPHEN.
YOU CAME IN AS A SKETCH PLAYER AND WRITER.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> BUT YOU DIDN'T FANCY YOURSELF AS AN IMPRESSIONIST.
>> BUT YOU NAILED GERALDO -- >> Stephen: IT'S FUNNY BRING
THAT UP.
I REMEMBER, I REMEMBER-- IT WAS DURING THE O.J. TRIAL THIS WAS
GOING ON.
>> I DID CATO KALIN.
>> Stephen: YOU DID CATO KALIN.
AND THE FUNNY THING WAS-- SO THE "DANA CARVEY SHOW" WAS IN WINTER
INTO SPRING OF 1996.
>> BASICALLY, IT WAS A SHOW THAT WENT PHEEW, AND WAS GONE.
AND THEN THERE WERE CACTUS.
>> Stephen: KIND OF A LEGEND-- IT WAS A MURDERER'S ROW.
YOU AND ROBERT SMIGEL, LOUIE C.P.
STEVE CARELL.
ME.
>> STEPHEN COLBERT.
>> Stephen: ROBERT CARLOCK WHO CREATE "30 ROCK" WITH TEENY,
AMAZING GROUP OF PEOPLE.
>> FREAK GLE AND SO WE'RE-- THE CARVEY-- THE WHAT YOU McCALL
IT, THE O.J.S IF TRIAL IT GOING ON.
AND I FIND OUT, "DANA CAN'T FIND A HOOK FOR GERALDO.
YOU DO IT."
>> I THOUGHT I WAS DOING CATO, WHICH WAS BASICALLY GARTH, WITH
A LITTLE MORE ENERGY.
>> Stephen: SO HERE'S ME AS GERALDO.
>> AND YOU AS CATO KALIN.
CATO, MY FRIEND-- >> "I HEARD A THUMP, THUMP.
AND THEN O.J. WAS SWEATING."
THAT'S WHAT I REMEMBER.
YOU HANDLED IT WELL.
>> Stephen: WELL, THANK YOU.
BUT I HAVE TO-- I HAVE TO THANK YOU FOR HIRING ME FOR THAT SHOW.
BECAUSE I CAN DRAW A DIRECT LINE FROM YOU HIRING ME FOR THAT SHOW
AND BEING RIGHT HERE BECAUSE ALL THE JOBS I GOT--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ALL WORK-- IT'S ABSOLUTELY TRUE.
>> I LIKE TO THINK THAT'S TRUE.
I DON'T FANCY MYSELF A TALENT SCOUT.
BUT WE DID LOOK AT 300 PEOPLE AND PRETTY SOON, OVER TIME, WE
KEPT LOOKING AT THE TWO STEVES.
I THINK I NICKNAMED YOU, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS STEPHEN --
>> Stephen: YOU DID.
>> STEVE CARELL AND STEPHEN COLBERT, WHEN YOU GUYS WERE
REALLY UNKNOWN.
I MEAN, NOBODIES -- >> Stephen: NO, WE COULD NOT--
WE COULD NOT GET ARRESTED.
HONEST TO GOD.
>> BUT WITH OUTSIZED TALENT, CRAZY TALENT.
>> Stephen: THAT'S ME AND CARELL ON YOUR SHOW.
THIS WAS "WAITERS WHO WERE NAUSEATED BY FOOD."
>> WE DID A LOT OF PRESENTATIONAL COMEDY.
THE CHYRON WOULD COME UP AND SAY, "NOW PRESENTING WAITER WAIT
ARE NAUSEATED BY FOOD."
>> Stephen: "GERMANS WHO SAY NICE THINGS."
"SKINHEADS FROM MAINE."
>> DO YOU REMEMBER "SKINHEADS FROM MAINE."
IT CAN'T AIR AND WE CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT FURTHER BUT USE YOUR
IMAGINATION.
I USED TO GO AROUND DOING THE PET RIDGE FARM, AND I THOUGHT IT
WOULD BE FUN TOW HAVE THAT GUY BE A SKINHEAD.
>> Stephen: EXACTLY.
>> YOU CAME IN WITH A CRAZY, WEIRD, "TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD"
SCWIEB VOOIB.
YOU WOULD LOOK AT THE CEILING AND GO-- WHAT WAS YOUR HOOK.
>> Stephen: YEAH!
"CARVING A HATE STICK TO BEAT SPANIARDS."
YOU YOU SEE?
WHY-- WHY WERE WE CANCELED, DANA?
>> WHY!
>> Stephen: WHY ON EARTH!
>> WHY?
I DON'T GET IT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I KNEW-- I KNEW WHEN THEY
WEREN'T TRYING TO RAININOUS IT DIDN'T SEEM RIGHT.
I SAID, "YOU WANT US TO--" >> Stephen: DIDN'T THEY SAY--
>> YOU KNOW WHEN A SHOW HAS LOST FAITH.
"SHOULD WE DO ANYTHING DIFFERENT, TAME IT DOWN?"
"OH, NO, DO WHATEVER YOU WANT."
>> Stephen: ABC HAD BOUGHT DISNEY NOT THAT LONG BEFORE,
RIGHT?
>> RIGHT.
WE WERE AN INSANE LATE-NIGHT SHOW IN PRIME TIME AFTER "HOME
IMPROVEMENT."
>> Stephen: WHICH WAS THE FRIENDLIEST--
>> FAMILY.
>> Stephen: SOFTEST.
>> LIKE A PUPPY, SWEET.
>> Stephen: A PUPPY FILLED WITH MARSHMALLOWS.
>> EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: AND THE VERY FIRST-- FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE
FORGOTTEN BECAUSE IT'S LEGEND AIR AT THIS POINT.
>> THE VERY FIRST SKETCH WE HAD BILL CLINTON BREAST FEEDING
THESE PUPPIES.
( LAUGHTER ) AND --
>> Stephen: AND, OF COURSE, IF YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE BIL BILL
CLINTON WITH MULTIPLE TEETS DOWN YOUR CHEST, IT'S VERY IMPORTANT
THAT THEY WHAT?
>> THAT THEY LACTATE.
>> Stephen: ACTUAL MILK.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: THERE WERE PUPPET PUPPETEERS BEHIND YOU WITH BULBS
OF MILK.
>> RIGHT.
WE JUST DIDN'T KNOW.
WE BANKED THE SKETCH A MONTH BEFORE.
LIKE SHOULD WE START WITH THAT OR OLIVER STONE COVERS THE
REVOLUTIONARY WE'RE WHERE I PLAYED BANDARAS-- MICHAEL PLAYED
AL PACINO AS GEORGE WASHINGTON.
"OH, YEAH, WE GOT TO GET SOME SOLDIERS."
WE ALMOST LED WITH THAT.
WE DID CLINTON TEETS, AND THEY DID THE ANALYTICS PURPOSE WE
WERE AT 16 MILLION VIEWERS.
THREE MINUTES LATER, WE WERE AT 800,000.
BUT WE MADE HISTORY, MAN.
>> Stephen: WE SURE DID.
>> WE THUMED OUR NOSE AT THE POWERS THAT BE.
NOBLE FAILURES GOING BROKE.
YEAH!
>> Stephen: WE'RE GET TO TAKE A BREAK.
STICK AROUND, I WANT TO SHOW SOME OF OUR FAVORITE SKETCHES