Transcriber: Omri Segal Reviewer: Denise RQ
Hi!
I'm here to talk about —
— sex.
My partner and I recently started sharing our thoughts and emotions
about our sexual experiences with each other.
We were so thrilled that we started talking about this subject
that we couldn't stop talking about it wherever we went.
While some friends asked for a time-out from our friendship,
others showed more understanding and agreed to actually meet with us.
I met with this couple, two good friends of mine,
and surprisingly, sex came up in the conversation.
We talked about our likes and dislikes,
difficulties and fantasies.
Eventually, in a moment of intimacy, the guy shared that he watches porn.
And the porn that he watches affects his sexual behavior.
His partner, who has discovered for the first time
that her guy actually watches porn, was very surprised
and soon, the evening was over.
A few days pass, and I haven't heard a word from neither of them,
assuming that our good friendship has come to an end.
And then he calls me, and I was like: "Please let me know everything is fine!"
And he says: "You have no idea
of the celebration we're having [for] the last three days.
We can't take our hands off each other nor stop talking about sex."
Society tells us that sex is a topic we shouldn't talk about.
We should keep our purity.
But we must stop deluding ourselves.
When we are not talking about sex,
it doesn't mean the subject remains untouched.
The sexual discourse is being filled up with lies and dirty words,
illusions and scripts that are simply unreal.
And this is what we take into our bedrooms.
I'm going to say it out loud,
we are forsaking our sexuality!
The silence and shame on speaking about this subject
does not lead to humbleness, it leads to alienation.
Teenagers watch porn,
adults watch porn.
Do we really want porn to mediate our sexual behaviour?
No, of course not.
And that's not it.
Films, magazines, advertisements
are all dictating us what our sex should be like,
simply because they are the only ones talking about it!
We had to follow a false TV or internet script, alone,
without the mediation of adults.
Does it hurt?
Does it tickle?
Am I supposed to enjoy it?
And if I don't enjoy it, what am I supposed to say?
These are questions even adults are facing.
Quite a few schools avoid teaching sex education.
Those that do, teach boys how to put a condom on a cucumber,
and the girls how to say "No!"
I'm sorry, but that's not sexual education!
How often do you find yourself as grown-ups, lying in bed,
the man, putting a condom on a cucumber while the woman says, "No, no!"?
I guess not very often.
I invite all of us to open an honest discussion,
not rude, nor cheap,
yet frank and truthful
about what we all experience but don't talk about.
Yes, we are all having sex.
Yes! Even our parents.
Imagine that!
(Laughter)
In this day and age,
when you don't have to be a politician to have an opinion about politics,
when people are demanded to have an opinion
about global affairs or the budget management,
today I say sex can no longer be dealt with only by sexologists!
We all must have an educational and moral opinion about this subject,
one which is our own.
The following story was super inspiring for me
and for people I have shared it with.
My partner and I held a seminar for men and women.
We called it "Let's talk about sex."
We were amazed to find out [that] many women feel
that they often give up on their enjoyment,
just so the man will reach orgasm.
And I'm sure many of you know what I'm talking about.
The men said that because women are more 'complex, '
they put themselves second, trying to please the women.
Do you realize [this]?
Both sexes feel that they are expected to please their partner,
even at the price of their own personal pleasure.
And this conversation happened between almost strangers.
Think of what it can do to your relationships.
Think of the educational and social value
that can rise when sex will just be out there.
The youth will come to us, the adults, to ask about sex,
and won't learn it from the media.
Then, we could demand from the education system
to take responsibility
and break down sex properly for students.
Who knows, maybe by bringing our sexuality to light
we might reduce sexual violence.
All I ask of you today is to talk.
Share your expectations, or preferences.
But do it without judgment and tons of respect and appreciation.
Start with your partner or your friends.
Just once.
Don't talk about Facebook, or health, sports, or politics,
talk about sex.
At first it won't be easy.
For my partner and I, it wasn't easy either.
But after many days of embarrassment,
and many hours of practice talking about it,
looking back, it got us closer as a couple,
and more authentic as individuals.
I want to thank my partner, and thank you all for listening.
(Applause)