(Upbeat music)
(electricity crackling)
- [Narrator] Sometime in the Sanders Sides universe,
long ago...
Or in the future, wherever it would hypothetically
make sense for what's about to happen, to happen.
You know? You know.
Seriously though, this one's for fun,
so don't overthink it.
Also, content warning for food in three, two,
like right out the gate, get ready, one.
(moaning)
- Man, look at you go.
- You should see it from the splash zone,
it still astounds me.
The amount of devotion you have for Crofters, Logan.
I mean, you've essentially become a
legitimate spokesman for it.
A singing spokesman no less.
- A song that I proposed.
- Virgil, anyone might be inclined to hum a diddy
after having their name tied to something this delectable.
- You sell out.
- It's disgusting.
They should've sold me out.
Look, you can't tell me I'm not more marketable.
- Now, now, we're all equally marketable.
I myself have only gotten lost in a market three times.
- And yet, I'm the man on the jam,
however I will concede a musical balley who over promotion
for a jam would not originally be the path I'd take.
A well balanced commercial takes solid facts,
reliable sources.
- A better looking spokesman.
- If I could have a redo, I would conceive something
much more exciting.
- Logans Berry is not only good
but it's jam packed with goodness.
Crofters Jam avoids nuts, grains, and animal products,
and is instead made vegan with only processed fruit
and cane sugar.
(moaning in pleasure)
- Okay wait, do you plan to use
a lot of the boards for facts?
Because.
- To ensure as positive an experience as possible
for the consumer while they're consuming the consumption
they've consumed,
we worked hard to create the consummate recipe.
- It's a consummation of flavor.
- Paton, that's gross.
- What?
- Just keep writing.
- Oh, sorry.
- Crofters ensures that no herbicides or pesticides are used
in their jams through the process of high performance
liquid chromatography.
- Can you spell, like all of that?
- Jams avoid contact with common allergens such as,
milk, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, soy, and fish.
- Trees nuts?
- Now I know what you're asking,
what's their environmental footprint?
Well, they recycle 99% of their raw materials packaging.
- Logan, I'm not naturally right handed.
- But by using an on site water treatment plant,
their water consumption is down 85%, and of course
their jars are a 100% recyclable.
Now my next seven statistics are all in--
- Logan!
Okay. This may be a bit much.
Commercials have to be accessible to the general public.
More relatable, more...
Whoa (swooshing effect)
- Long day at the office.
If you're a busy parent like me, you'll know hard
it can be to find healthy snacks that your kids enjoy too.
- Paton, you don't have a job and we're the same age.
- That's why picky parents pick
Crofters Happy Pappy Peach Jam.
It's a perfectly pleasant premium product
or my name's not Paton.
And I'm pretty sure it is.
- You got so much spit on that food.
- That's how you know it's made with love.
- There's no way that's true.
And there are better ways to hop products to the masses.
(upbeat music)
You're tired old man.
It's time someone showed you all how it's done.
- Whoa, are you taking over the commercial now,
and that's why every camera shot is a Dutch angle?
- Kick it.
(upbeat music)
Pump up the jam.
(applauding)
Radical.
(electric guitar)
You want everyone else to think you're extreme?
Stick with Crofters Blue Berry Crannick Attack.
It's scary good. No nerds allowed.
(comical music)
- Oh, what the hell? This is ridiculous.
You all make a mockery of the art of enticement.
I'll show you how it's done.
Like I was meant to from the start.
(screaming in frustration)
People don't want 90's commercials, Virgil.
They want 80's commercials.
(classical music)
- Excuse me.
Have you heard of Crofters Royal Raspberry Chariot?
It's a delicacy, the pinnacle of palatable,
the talk of the town, fit for a king.
Do you want some?
- Sure.
- How does it feel to want?
(laughing)
(engine running)
(tires screeching)
Logan, Logan.
I was just... I was just joking.
You can have some.
Logan,
Logan?
Wait, no.
Logan, please.
Try my jam!
- Ah, yes.
The classic strategy for all successful commercials,
desperate pleas.
- I was going for a regal sophistication,
but Mr. Info dump over here, wasn't cooperating.
- Oh you mean the info that was nowhere
to be found in whatever you three came up with?
- Logan, you try to come up with a perfect commercial when
you've got an extreme team to deal with?
- Pat, none of that was real.
- I'm working with a bunch of amateurs over here.
- You understand this is food that we're talking about?
(talking in unison)
- Okay well, pitched your ideas to Crofters
and they're in.
You're all getting your own jams.
- Wow, oh my God - Okay, well that's
- that's so cool. - a lot of pressure.
- Wait, so this means there's going to be more Logans berry?
There's going to be more?
- We did something I guess.
- It's finally happening, how are you feeling Roman?
Oh, Roman.
Oh, buddy.
- Oh yeah.
That's pretty much my actual reaction too
cause I cannot believe that Crofters went ahead
and worked with us to do this.
Yes. All four of those Crofters jam flavors you saw
in this video are now available.
In a four pack box.
Starting today for Patrion patrons
and tomorrow for everyone else.
This is ridiculous. I love this.
(laughing)
As a bonus, the first 2000 boxes might even
have a special surprise while supplies last.
Just visit SandersJam.com to check 'em out.
My team and I literally went through taste test
after taste test to narrow down the flavors
that we all enjoyed and thought would fit
each side the best.
This was so much fun and I still can't get over
how one little joke got us here.
If you tried the jams, I hope that you enjoy them.
And until next time, take it easy guys,
gals and non-binary pals.
Peace out-- - Wait.
We gotta say the thing.
- Yo, yes we do. Logan.
- I don't even know what you're talking... Crofters.
(talking in unison)
- I have my own jam.