- So Jack, thanks for joining us
to chat about your brand new book.
- That's a pleasure, very nice.
- And you have trained as a psychotherapist for this.
- Yeah.
- Could you tell me about the length,
the process that got you there?
- Yeah, it's rigorous and hard work,
but ultimately worthwhile.
And from the moment I enrolled right up
until later that afternoon
when I got the certificate of completion,
I knew that this was the right thing to be doing,
and that I was then ready to embark
on my new career of helping people.
- Four hours well spent.
- Four hours well spent, I think so.
And they have shorter courses,
but I thought, no, I'm going to do it.
I'm going to do the whole thing
because I don't want to do this by half measures.
- Yeah. You got to do it properly.
- Well, if you're going to help people,
you need to sort of take it seriously.
- And so you've now put that all into helping people
and giving people advice in your brand new book,
- Yeah. - "What is your problem?"
- Yes.
- So tell me how you've used your skills in that?
- In as far as I've had people write to me
with their dilemmas
and issues and problems,
and I was able to shed some light on them,
and give them the benefit of my,
I don't want to say the word but I will,
wisdom, expertise.
That's was really what it was about.
- What sort of problems are we talking that people-
- Yeah. Well, I suppose you get generally
you would categorize them into friendships,
relationships,
money,
sex.
Well, they're not so many sexual problems
were written them with.
I don't know why that was,
but certainly relationships,
and other things to do with families around the area,
such as the sort of Christmas
and how to deal with unwanted relatives
and things like that.
- Yeah. Children who play on video games all day.
- Children, partners who annoying you for whatever reason.
And I'm able to drill down into that stuff,
using my knowledge
and help them to clear off a few of these things.
- I know you probably usually charge for this sort of thing.
But I wondered if you'd help me
with a couple of my own problems.
- Okay. It depends on what the problems I might have to say.
"That's too big for me to deal with right now,"
but I can book you in for some sessions
and we'll devise a package that will suit your needs.
- Okay. So- - Go ahead, yeah.
- Yeah. So to start with, I really, really want a cat,
like really want a cat,
but my fiance he doesn't want any pets.
- Right.
- What should I do?-
- That's a weird fiance to not want pets.
Because that means he doesn't want to divide your attention
between him and a cat.
And I think that's a concern.
I think you should finish it.
- (indistinct)- - I do.
Because plenty of other people out there who love cats
and then you're going to get both things you want.
- Yeah.
Do you think that should go up there in my criteria
of a partner who wants a cat?
- Well, yeah.
Because what you want,
you don't want to,
what's going to happen next?
You want to live somewhere nice,
but my partner doesn't.
I want children, my partner doesn't,
I'd like a cat, but my partner doesn't.
You're going to deny yourself,
all these things all through your life.
It's only going to get worse.
That's my professional opinion.
- So that makes my next piece of advice slightly
that I want to ask for-
- If it's now a relationships over anyway-
- The relationship is over anyway.
But I'll ask,
just in case it should come up in another relationship.
- Yeah- - Yeah.
So when it comes to cleaning,
my partner has two settings.
One is not cleaning.
And the other one is spending a whole day
doing a really thorough clean of one room.
But in practice,
that means that he just basically doesn't clean
because he has a whole day to spend cleaning the room.
So what should I do?
Can I convince him that little and often is the way forward?
And that he really just needs to succumb to my ways.
- Yeah. I mean, there might be
an underlying psychological problem that he has
with not being able to do a thing on a slight basis.
It all has to be all or nothing.
But the other thing I have to say is,
you're sounding hard to please.
First you want a cat.
Now, he's not even cleaning the place
the way you would like.
So maybe look at that.
Because let's give him some credit.
He is at least doing some cleaning,
but just not on your terms.
Yeah. So it could be,
and I wish you'd given me that problem first.
Because that'd shed some light on the cat thing
is that maybe it's your demands are too much for him.
And he's thinking,
she doesn't even like the way I clean the room.
And then, so why should I have,
I don't want a cat with this person,
because then we're going to end.
- Yeah.
So what you're saying now,
is really that I should sustain the relationship,
but just change everything about myself-
- About your personality-
- That's probably the better way forward-
- That might be.
If you were a different personality.
I think both of these things
would have not mattered so much.
- Right. Okay. - Yeah.
- That's actually, that's really useful.
- Good.
Well, I'm happy to help.
- And then there's a question I think will actually resonate
with a lot of people at the moment.
We looked at our recent energy bill,
it is sky high,
it's through the roof.
And I honestly don't know at the moment,
do we just find a way to pay that
or do we like basically sit in the dark.
- Good question, and it's only going to get worse this
because we're what we're doing now.
And everyone's going to have these
different kinds of boilers
isn't there going to be enough electricity or powering.
I said, we're going to have to deal with this somehow
and find other solutions.
But I mean, I'm working on it.
I can let you in on a bit of it.
I can't give you too many details,
but there's going to be a new way of generating energy
within households that will have my name all over it.
For instance, we under use floors.
We don't use floors enough
because you think about a floor,
you walk around all the time.
That's that kind of kinetic energy is being wasted.
So we will harness that.
We'll learn to harness that.
And if you had a cat,
you could have the cat connected in some way
so that it would put it into a wheel
and toddlers are the same
because they're always running around.
Imagine the amount of energy you get off a toddler
running around on the floor all day.
And even if you living with an old person,
just you connect their knitting needles
or something up.
So all that movement can translate into power.
This is the way forward.
Now we're not there yet,
because obviously again,
I won't go into details now.
I have a little way to go before that is established,
But otherwise it's down to saving energy.
And that's just dollars.
Because unless you've really got a lot to talk about,
you need the TV on.
- You do. You do need the TV on.
- And it sounds like,
are you struggling for conversation sometimes?
- I wouldn't say I'm struggling strong.
- Not the adamant answer I was looking for.
If you'd say, "No Jack, we do.
We love each other. We're talking."
So again there's that more-
- Yeah, we talk all the time. - Okay.
So you do talk?
- Yeah.
- Are they good conversations?
- Yeah.
- So you don't need electricity for conversations.
- No. Light some candles.
- Wait, you just sit in the dark and talk?
- Yeah.
- It wouldn't be the first.
- It's true.
And so we've established,
I'm sat in the dark with my fiance.
We're having a chat.
I'm no longer asking him for a cat.
I'm changing my personality.
We are all going to get married in that scenario.
How do I tell someone who thinks
they're invited to my wedding,
that they're not actually invited?
They're just presumed.
- Right. I think that's just,
sometimes we get these situations where it's difficult
and you think this is a dilemma,
but it's not such a dilemma in the end.
I think you just have to pluck up the courage,
and when somethings that can be difficult to say,
but just rehearse it yourself
and then do it.
So the words will come out smoothly.
There'll be no ambiguity,
enormous understanding.
Just pick up the phone
and say, "Mum numbers are tight.
You're not coming, get over it."
- Yeah. And have you found that approach quite successful,
particularly with close relatives?
- People are not as let's say emotionally sophisticated
as I am.
Might come back with expletives
and say all kinds of stuff that I won't repeat now.
But that's their problem.
That's them having this start the journey
of coming to terms with the rejection from me.
- Yeah.
- It's not my problem.
It's another thing that you're going to understand.
If you don't want someone at your wedding,
that's not your problem.
That's their problem for thinking that they're coming.
- Right.
- And they are not,
they are staying at home,
- I'll prepare myself for whatever reaction they give
so that I can just take a step back-
- You should say yeah,
and you can come up with,
a good one is,
"I'm sorry you feel like that mum,
but it's still not happening."
- Yeah.
My mum actually has kind of said
she might not come to my wedding so.
- She might not come anyway.
- Well there you are,
with that said, keep it light.
- Yeah, I know (laughs).
(soft music).