in this video we're going to explore the different phases of addiction and what I
mean by that is we're going to talk about the different personality types
and how that looks in addiction and this is so important because each of these
personality types have different defense mechanisms that surround the addiction
that you absolutely must understand if you're going to get through that barrier
of denial of Defense's and actually help someone recover for those of you who are
new here welcome to put the shovel down the YouTube channel designed to help you
understand the science and psychology of addiction so that you can get back to
living the life that you want to live because I know you're done letting
addiction run the show destroy the family it's time for you to get back in
charge of your own life and the information we give you in this channel
it's going to keep you five steps ahead of addiction at all times so most of us
have this idea in our head about what an addict or an alcoholic
looks like and most of us have a little bit of a stereotypical version but those
of us out there who have loved ones who are addicted know that it really can
look all different kinds of ways and in this video we're gonna explore four sort
of big general categories that people might fall in and talk about the defense
mechanisms around those different personality characteristics now by no
means is this an exhaustive list but this will help you get a general
understanding about how to approach different people differently so let's
start off by talking about that more stereotypical version of what we might
think of as someone being addicted or an alcoholic most of us have in our heads
someone that's just sort of that's their thing that's what they do feel dumb they
just use or drink they don't work they don't go to school they probably look a
mess they may or may not have a home to live in but we pretty much think of them
like they're kind of in shambles yes there definitely
is that kind of addict and alcoholic we've all seen it you can't deny it well
the thing about this particular characteristic of addiction is that in
these incidences a lot of times the person has come to accept that they have
an addiction in fact many times they've come to sort of embrace it and they've
just taken it on as their identity they've kind of just given themselves
over to it like it's their destiny or it's what they're on the planet for and
I know that seems a little bit weird but that's the way that they make sense of
it that they justify it minimize that's the way they basically build some
delusion around it that makes it possible to continue in that lifestyle
so the thing here that you're dealing with isn't so much denial the thing here
that you're dealing with is the fact that the person has pretty much accepted
it or that the person thinks that it's so bad that they can never get better
and honestly I think denial is probably a little bit easier to deal with because
you can get through that and then usually the person wants to get better
this person has just accepted the fate and it can be a really sad situation
it's difficult to treat and especially difficult to live with
now the next personality characteristic we're going to talk about when it comes
to addiction is the one that I call the people pleaser
now the people please her type of person who has an addiction is a lot more
difficult to wrangle in some specific ways I'm gonna tell you what those are
you see this kind of person is easy to get along with they're friendly they're
likable and you really care about them you want to take care of them you want
to see good things happen for them because in general they're kind and
considerate and there have really master ways of avoiding things the reason the
people pleasing characteristic is so difficult to deal with is because a lot
of times they'll go along with whatever you're saying so it makes you feel like
oh this is an easier case or they're less difficult but in the end in the
back of their mind they're still addicted and they're usually going to
whatever they're gonna do and they just aren't going to necessarily confront you
with that now a people-pleasing type might get confrontational
if you back them into a corner and they basically feel like they have no choice
but in general they operate by avoidance this one is a little bit more slippery I
usually say it's easier to get this type of personality to come in and go to
treatment but it's harder to get them to get clean and stay clean because they
are just slippery they can slip through treatment they can avoid consequences
they can avoid family friends they have people that want to enable them for
longer because they're nicer and more pleasant and your heart just goes out to
them but don't be fooled just because this person looks different
than what you have in your mind it does not mean they're any less addicted now
before we go on to the third one I do want to tell you that these personality
characteristics aren't necessarily something you're going to find in a book
this comes from my own personal experience with working with hundreds or
actually thousands of people struggling with addictions because it's my job to
figure out what it's going to take to get through to the clients who come to
see me and they're all different okay let's move on to the third personality
type when it comes to addiction this one I'm gonna call the rebel a lot of times
when you're dealing with this personality types a lot of times it's a
young person but it doesn't necessarily have to be it could be a full grown up
but this type it's almost like they've taken this alternative lifestyle as
their cause kind of like against the man almost like it's their right it's their
way to rebel against society or cultural norms that they don't like it's like a
statement almost and they hold on to that and embrace it with a fierceness
because they have it very much tied up in their identity and they have passion
around it you know they run around an advocate for drug use you know
oftentimes these people advocate vocally for drug use for individual rights and
things like that and it's not necessarily a bad personality type
but this creates some particularly difficult defense
mechanism to get through because it's not just about giving up the drugs it's
kind of like a change of religion it's kind of like giving up who you are as a
person so there's a lot going on here and it's a lot more complicated than
just stop drinking or just stop smoking weed or just stop doing drugs there's a
lot of layers in here so definitely approach with caution and just remember
the more you fight and argue with this rebel type personality the more they're
going to defend it in fact they like it because they almost see it as their
personal mission in life to advocate for the lifestyle now the fourth personality
type that we're going to talk about in this video is the one that I'm going to call
the victim personality type the person that takes on the victim personality
approach to addiction may have had some real-life serious difficulty and it's
really hard to hold this person accountable because a lot of times you
can see where they're coming from because you know about some things that
they've been through and you feel really bad for them your heart goes out to them
and you have empathy and in a lot of ways you can kind of understand how they
got to the point that they got to it's so difficult to quit enabling the victim
personality type not just because you feel bad for them and you kind of
understand it in some ways but because they play that card against you anytime
they need to like a weapon so they know they can pull it out it's like the
ace card this thing happened to me you know you and dad divorced whatever it is or
it's this like I have these severe mental health problems I can't help it
it's this they play this I can't help it card and it's very difficult for you to
argue with but what I need you to remember here is is that addiction is
doing nothing but hurting this person more and you are not doing them any
favors by excusing the behavior by not holding them accountable and by letting
it go on no matter what the circumstance is that brought the situation on now
like I said before there are a lot more variations of personality these are just
some really general categories are ways of thinking
in our minds to help us understand that different people need different things
for recovery and they have different defense mechanisms that you're gonna
have to work through actually in our office we think that this is so
important that it is a strategic part of the treatment process for the whole
family not only do we identify the personality characteristics of the
person struggling with addiction but we identify the personality characteristics
of the family and when I'm saying that I don't mean necessarily like bad
characteristics I just mean who you are and how you think and what your buttons
are and what your strengths aren't all that kind of stuff we actually use a
system called the enneagram now you may or may not have heard of that before
think about like myers-briggs but a little bit more complex than that and I
got to tell you it is infinitely helpful for getting people in families to
understand each other each other's perspectives what the different people
need what's triggering for the different individuals in the family it just helps
us have some common language and understanding to approach the situation
differently if that's something that you're interested in and you want to
learn more about it's actually a part of our family recovery Academy we actually
go through and teach you about all of the different Enneagram personality
types show you how to figure out your own personality types for your loved one
to figure out their personality type and give you some strategic clues on how all
of that relates not just to recovery from addiction but also to family
recovery I'll put a link to the family recovery Academy in the description
below but next up I want you to watch this video on denial because you really
need to understand those denial defense mechanisms and combine it with what you
know about the personality and that's going to give you an incredible amount
of information for you to make a strategic plan on how to get from where
you are and where you want to be