[ Keys jingle, thud ]
-Dear God, I'm sorry,
but I'm not sure why you gave me that flat tire today?.
Honestly, I'm at the end of my rope right now,
and I wish you could let me know what your plan
is here because -- -My plan?
-[ Sighs ]
God, I am trying my best,
but things are still tough at work,
and if there's another job out there
you want me to take, please let me know.
-Let you know? -Okay, I heard that, you creep!
Stop messing with me!
-I'm not messing with you.
-Show yourself, pervert! -Kelly, settle down.
You called me.
-I didn't call anyone.
-Mm, technically, you did.
-Don't mess with me.
-Kelly, you called me.
[ Soft music plays ]
Now, I understand you're shocked.
But to be honest, I-I'm always a little surprised
when someone who believes in my existence,
like yourself,
doesn't expect me to show up every once in a while.
Okay, let's talk about your flat tire.
-M-My flat tire? -Yeah, a moment ago,
you blamed me for your flat tire,
and I-I was wondering why.
Now, I understand as the creator of the universe,
I could cause a flat tire,
but why would I?
-You tell me.
-Touché.
Well, the short answer is, I did not cause your flat tire.
Now, of course,
as the creator of the universe, I created the laws of physics,
which made it possible for your tire to be punctured,
but, I mean, that's like blaming Steve Jobs
for a dropped call because he created the iPhone.
Do you have any creamer?
-Okay, so you're saying that you're God,
but you don't have any effect on the world you created?
-Mostly, I'm just offended at the flat-tire thing.
-Because your focus is on affecting the bigger things?
-Like what? -I don't know.
Maybe...
-The Holocaust? -What?! No!
I was not gonna -- -Listen, it's the Nazi elephant
in the room that nobody wants to talk about.
-I was not -- -World War II
happened on my watch.
It is a legitimate argument to blame the captain, right?
-Wrong!
God can't be in charge of every stupid thing humans do.
-All right, so, what you're saying is
that I'm sitting up on my cloud,
listening to prayers,
deciding which ones are good enough to answer
and which ones are best ignored, and --
-Well, I -- -Wait, let me finish.
And then, oops,
somehow I missed all the prayers about Hitler.
-Well, no.
-Well, what other possible explanation could there be?
-So are you saying that prayer is useless?
-No, you said that. -I think you're full of it,
because the real person in charge would take
far more responsibility for their actions.
-Responsibility for their actions?
I like that. -Well, it's true.
-Agreed. Completely.
It's tough, though, isn't it?
I mean, it would be so much easier
if we could just blame our problems
on someone or something else,
if we believed that our choices weren't actually up to us,
and that we were limited or constrained
or, for lack of a better term, that someone had a plan for us
that we weren't responsible for --
that everything that happened to us had a purpose
and that nothing was ever random
or just by chance. But...
Well, Kelly, you're absolutely right.
I think it is about time that I admitted I'm in charge.
Don't you?
[ Soft music plays ]
[ Sighs ] Well, I got to go.
I'm just gonna...
Hmm.
Thank you. It was really nice
talking to you.
-Okay, then, what should I pray for?
-Pardon? -I mean, if --
if God doesn't fix flat tires or stop wars,
then...
what should I pray for?
[ Soft music continues ]