[Ivan]
I was born and raised in Paterson, New Jersey.
[man] Let's start at the top, right?
[Ivan]
[hip-hop music playing]
That's what it's for, my son.
♪ To my first-born son ♪
♪ Know that there'd be better days ♪
♪ But the worst gonna come... ♪
My son was like the greatest thing that happened to me.
He was just a smart, beautiful, talented kid.
♪ I could picture you now I'm so proud ♪
♪ My son and my seed You're a reflection of me ♪
♪ Strive and achieve You're destined to be... ♪
[Isaiah]
He likes to spend time with me.
-[giggles] -[clippers buzzing]
It kinda makes me sad
that my dad is not right in the state of mind,
a good state in mind for me to be with him sometimes.
Ivan is addicted to a drug called PCP.
[dramatic music plays]
The best way that I can describe Ivan when he's high
is like a zombie.
He walks very slow
and when you try to have a conversation with him,
it takes him like five minutes to actually look at you.
Huh?
[Ivan]
I didn't even know I was stabbed.
[Wanda]
I think about all the things he's done
and all the things he could've done.
I don't want him to grow old like this.
I don't want him to die.
I was really happy when he was born.
He was everything. He was all I had.
I loved it. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Deep down inside, I knew Ivan was gonna be something.
[Jon]
He stood out.
[hip-hop music plays]
♪ The main event presents... ♪
It was like, wow, you know?
You can do something with this?
Out of all these people, they pick me? [chuckles]
So it was exciting.
[hip-hop music continues]
[woman]
He was gonna be this, like, millionaire, you know?
[cheers and applause]
[Ivan]
[gentle guitar music playing]
[Jennifer]
That was his world.
[Ivan]
man, it was like God cleansing me
and bringing me to heaven.
I'm just overwhelmed with joy.
It's the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
At that point in time,
it was like I have to be successful
because my family, they're dependent on me
and, you know, you couldn't rap about selling drugs
and busting your gun if you wasn't really doin' it
'cause you'll get checked.
[ominous music plays]
He started to use the thug life as part of his persona.
It was not him and it led him to the wrong path.
He's talented, he's a very talented kid
and Ivan had no reason to be out there selling drugs.
[Jon]
I didn't think it would resort to eventually hurting somebody
and, you know, robbing someone.
When he got out of jail, Ivan tried to change.
He came out and he said, "I'm gonna do this right."
And I don't know what happened.
[Ivan]
There was no studios.
There was no clubs to perform at.
There was no money being generated no more.
Now you're just a no-name.
How do you go from an opportunity to losing it all?
He failed. Everything we planned failed.
[Jennifer]
She put that extreme pressure on him.
[Wanda]
"Just get outta my face, boy. I gotta work."
If I don't get up and go to work, you know,
who's gonna pay the bills?
The only thing that Ivan knew how to do was get high.
[Ivan]
With a pretty face and a smile.
It was like, "I'm gonna take away the pressure."
I saw Ivan getting worse and worse and worse.
When that happened, Ivan, he went crazy.
He didn't know how to control his feelings
and he didn't know how to handle anything.
[Ivan]
is the most aggressively confrontational one.
[Wanda clears throat]
My mom feels so much disappointment with Ivan.
Look at you.
[tense music playing]
What do you mean you didn't get high yet?
You are high.
Speak up, I can't hear you.
-[Ivan mumbling] -Speak up, I can't hear you.
You're slow as hell.
When are you gonna come here
and decide you don't wanna get high no more?
My mother, I feel a lot of guilt when I'm around her
because I wish that I could've bought her a house
and a car
and tell her, "Mom, quit your job."
I wish that I could make her happy.
Throw your ass down the street.
Go ahead.
I swear to God, I cannot believe you.
You better not come back here high.
A lot of the things that she does, I don't agree with.
Let it go. Just--
You aren't gonna make him feel like getting high again.
"I always dreamed you would grow up to be a wonderful man
and be successful.
Now, I wish and dream that you can turn your life around
and be the person that you used to be: caring, funny, ambitious,
and a leader.
I'm willing to learn and to educate myself
on what steps I have to take to continue to help you
even more after treatment."
[sniffles]
"If you decide not to take this opportunity
that you have to gain your life back,
I will cut off contact with you, as painful as it will be."
[exhales]
"Mi hijo,
Take this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
and go get better, I love you.
Mom."
[sobs]
-I love you. -I love you too.
-I'm sorry. -Okay. Don't be sorry.
Please, Ivan. Can you please go today?
There's no questions asked. I'm going.
[crying]
[chuckles]
-I'm gonna miss you. -I'm gonna miss you too.
I have been sober now 74 days.
Being sober now is just a brand new life for me.
I can be a better father, son, spouse.
[laughs]
I missed you so much.
♪ Veins swell ♪
♪ You know me well enough to tell ♪