-Welcome, everybody.
Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show."
You are here! [ Cheers and applause ]
I love the energy of this crowd. That's what I'm talking about.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I'm not just saying this,
but you guys seem way better than last night's audience.
That's what I'm talking about.
[ Cheers and applause ]
If I had to compare you guys in Easter candies,
you guys would be a Reese's Peanut Butter Egg,
while last night would be a Dr Pepper-flavored Peep.
And I'm serious. I wouldn't just say that.
I wouldn't just say that. I wouldn't say it.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I'm so happy you're here. Guys, Easter is almost here.
And I saw that 'cause of supply issues,
the price of chocolate is hitting record highs.
Yeah, meanwhile, the cost of white chocolate
is holding steady as yuck.
[ Laughter ]
Chocolate has gotten so expensive,
Donald Trump just paid off his entire debt with a Butterfinger.
I just read about it.
Just read about it on the Internet today.
Speaking of Trump, today he posted a video of himself
selling a new line of $60 Bibles.
He's selling Bibles. Take a look at this.
-All Americans need a Bible in their home.
And I have many. It's my favorite book.
[ Laughter ]
[ As Trump ] It's my favorite book.
Right after "Captain Underpants" and the Cheesecake Factory menu.
They're my favorite book. The kid's --
Captain Underpants always getting in trouble, that kid.
Once he puts the underpants on.
[ Normal voice ] I like how they made the Bible
the exact color of his skin.
Yeah, that's interesting.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Corinthian.
Corinthian leather.
[ Laughter ]
You guys, yesterday, Trump was in court
for a hearing on his hush-money trial,
and another one of his courtroom sketches went viral.
Let's take a look at how it turned out.
Look at this. Yeah.
So a lot of people have spoken out about the new sketch,
including the sketch itself.
-Really? -Yeah. Take a look.
It said...
Then this other courtroom sketch of Trump said...
Then this other sketch of Trump said...
Then this sketch said...
[ Laughter, applause ]
Then --
And finally, this sketch said...
[ Laughter ]
Guys, get this.
A man in Texas is running for president
under the name Literally Anybody Else.
[ Laughter ]
Let --
Let's see how funny it is when he wins.
He was doing well in the polls until the public met his sons,
Eric and Literally Anybody Else Jr.
[ Laughter, cheers and applause ]
Well, switching gears,
the FAA is trying to prepare pilots to fly
during next month's big solar eclipse.
And listen, if you fly Spirit Airlines in a Boeing jet
during a solar eclipse,
you are one risky bastard.
That's what I would say. That's what I would say.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Well, listen to this.
I read that for the first time in more than 20 years,
Trader Joe's increased the price of its 19-cent bananas
to 23 cents.
-Ohh. -Oh, yeah. It's not just them.
Whole Foods also raised the price of bananas 4 cents
to $29.99.
[ Laughter ]
Well, some TV news.
Last night was the season finale of "The Bachelor,"
and Joey proposed to Kelsey.
Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]
Kind of a quiet season for "The Bachelor."
I don't want to say it got overshadowed
by other dating shows, but in the fantasy suite,
they just sat there watching "Love Is Blind."
I just thought --
That's what they did in the fantasy suite.
Well, this is wild -- Apparently thieves in California
stole over $9,000 worth of SPAM, alcohol, and instant coffee.
The thieves are described as armed, dangerous,
and recently divorced.
[ Laughter ]
Well, get this -- A zoo in Texas used a cotton swab
to make the world's tiniest neck brace
for a struggling grasshopper.
-Aww.
-When asked for a comment,
Jiminy Cricket was like, "This generation's so soft."
[ Laughter, applause ]
"Snowflake!"
Hey, guys, I heard about a guy in Australia
who lost his fiancée's wedding dress
after he put it on top of his car and drove onto the highway.
She was like, "Actually, that's fine.
I don't need it anymore.
We're good.
I've seen enough. I've seen enough."
And finally, guys,
the presidential election is only eight months away.
But it's not the only election happening this November.
There are so many state and local races across the country.
So that's why we're taking a look at campaign ads
from some of the other politicians
that you don't always hear about on the news.
It's time for "Lesser Known Candidates."
-♪ Lesser known candidates, yes ♪
-Now, this first ad is from a guy
who's running for school board president.
Seems like he's dealing with an unusual problem.
Check this out.
-Hi. I'm Ethan Anders.
You've probably been seeing some vicious attack ads on me
from my opponent, who also happens to be my twin brother,
Evan Anders.
I cannot stress this enough.
Vote for Ethan Anders, not Evan Anders.
I know our names are very similar,
and we look exactly alike and we both dress the same,
wearing hand-me-downs from our bigger triplet brother,
Easton Anders, who is also running for school board.
Do not, under any circumstances, vote for Easton.
He would be even worse for the school board than Ethan.
Wait. I'm Ethan.
This is so confusing.
-Definitely vote for Ethan,
not Evan or Easton.
Evan. No, I mean Ethan.
-It's tricky. It's tricky right there.
I think he's gonna win.
This next candidate is responding to a lot
of attack ads on him.
Take a look at this.
-Lately, you've probably seen some deceitful ads
saying some pretty nasty things
about Representative Keith Shermanberger.
His opponents are calling him...
Well, he's here to say...
-[Squeaky voice] That's not true.
-Keith Shermanberger 2024.
-I'm Keith Shermanberger and I approve this message.
And I am buddies with Owen Wilson.
-Okay. Alright. Well, look, it's interesting.
This is what I'm saying. These races are tight.
Make the right call.
This next campaign ad is from a man
who's running for dogcatcher in Virginia.
Let's watch.
-Hello. I'm Dustin Welsh.
And I want to be Fredericksburg County's dogcatcher.
If elected, I promise to catch every dog in town --
stray dogs, dogs being walked by their owners,
dogs sleeping inside their homes, dogs in pet stores,
even hairy children that look like dogs from far away.
My opponent says I'm overreacting
because a Chihuahua barked at me and I fainted
and collapsed into a mall fountain
in front of my son's skateboard friends.
But that isn't true.
In fact, I want my son's friends
to take down that doctored video that they put up on YouTube.
-Dustin Welsh for dogcatcher.
-I double dog dare you to vote for me.
[ Dog barks ] God. Damn it!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Wow. -Wow.
-That's interesting.
I would vote for that guy.
This last commercial is for a candidate in --
candidate for treasurer in Bend, Oregon.
Oh. Watch this.
-Hello. I'm Todd Trevor.
And it would be an honor to be your treasurer,
but please don't ask the last town where I was treasurer
anything about me.
They're liars.
I promise to balance our city's budget
and be someone you can trust.
Just don't Google me.
I'm not corrupt.
I didn't do any of that stuff
Google or "The New York Times" says I did.
I'm super normal.
Look, here's a picture of me and my normal family.
It's not AI.
Just get in the voting booth
and check the box next to my name.
And don't talk to those people protesting outside.
They're protesting a different guy with my exact name and face.
Todd Trevor for treasurer.
Do not watch the Netflix documentary about me.
-There you go. Unbelievable.
I wish them all the best of luck.
We have a fantastic show tonight.
Maya Rudolph is here!
Oh! "Loot," "Loot."
Check it out. She's the best.
One of my favorites,
Pete Townsend is joining us tonight.
And we got a performance from "The Who's Tommy" on Broadway.
Stick around. We'll be right back
with Maya Rudolph, everybody.