- What was our hardest time together
and how did we overcome it?
- It was definitely when you told your parents
about us, or just about you,
when you came out. - Yeah,
in June.
- We both changed.
It made us bond.
It just made us love each other more,
understand each other more, but also,
it tore you and your parents apart.
- I have learned a lot from you
in how to deal with them and how to think about myself,
and not internalize all those things as much
and just be like, it's okay to love you.
It's okay to be myself, even if that means--
- So you think it's affected the way you've loved me?
- Yeah.
- Really?
- I don't think it's affected it in a bad way but--
- Just in a different way.
- Yeah, because I think sometimes I have this guilt
like I'm failing my parents or doing something wrong
because they've made it very clear that they wish
that I was with a guy or that I should just keep this
to myself and everything.
It gets the best of me 'cause I just feel
like I'm carrying the weight
of the world (chuckles) on my shoulders.
- Literally.
- And everyone's like, "You need to do this
and you need to be this person,"
and "You can't be with her and don't tell him about it,"
and it's just so much sometimes.
But it just makes me realize like how much I love you
because I would not go through any of those
for anyone else. (laughing)
Never in a million years.
So you really do keep me sane and make me feel safe,
even when everything else is a hot mess.
So, yeah.
(both chuckle)
What is one experience you wish I didn't have?
- Hmm.
(Celeste sighs)
Okay. (groans)
I wish that you never, I guess,
had to feel the pressure that you felt when you were a kid.
Like your mom raised you just by herself
and you helped a lot, with two younger sisters
and you were basically just raising them with your mom
and it's just like you didn't really get a childhood.
I wish little Leila didn't have to go through that.
- I think I just wish that my dad was there.
- Yeah.
- And I don't ever want you to feel
like you were the second choice.
'Cause you're not, 'cause you're amazing.
I just don't want you to feel that way.
You don't have to put yourself in that situation
where he's choosing that over you
and it's not true.
He loves you, he loves you very much.
And I just wish you woulda saw that when you were a kid.
- Yeah.
- Because you deserved it.
- Mm, hmm. (murmurs)
(both chuckle)
Yeah.
- What's a New Year's resolution you know I'm going to keep?
Why?
(Leila chuckles)
- Oh, I think continuing to get help
and to be more open and everything
because I know you had your whole,
what can I call it, a breaking point?
Or you just had your moment where you're like,
"Okay, something needs to change
and I need to be active and present for myself."
I just want you to love yourself the way that I love you,
which is like a lot, and I want you to feel comfortable
about everything, about who you are and your family
and your past, and I just want you to find peace.
And I do think that you're going
to continue on your self-love,
growth journey. - Journey. (chuckles)
Are we manifesting right now?
- Yes. - Okay.
- I put you on all that affirmations
and stuff. (laughing)
It's a beautiful thing to watch and I'm excited for you.
- 'Kay.
You know, the way I grew up was definitely...
different, a lot different.
I think I had some guilt too,
with my parents and possibly a little bit
of abandonment issues going on there.
- Mm-hmm.
- I think that, I don't know.
I think that you just made me feel like I'm worth it.
Like I'm worth being here, I'm worth,
I'm worth like-- (chuckles) - Aw, stop.
- Worth being loved, yeah. - Mm-hmm.
You are.
- Okay.
(both chuckle)
Are you okay?
Are you sure?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
If this were to be our last conversation,
what's one thing you'd never want me to forget?
- How special you are, how you don't need anyone.
You really don't.
You can do everything.
You can do whatever you want and you can accomplish so much,
and you can live your life how you want to.
Without being pressured by people telling you
who you need to be or how you need to act, or...
It's frustrating sometimes, but I understand
where you're coming from.
It's like, if you let all these people,
all their expectations of you, if you let 'em go,
I know you'd be thriving. (chuckles)
You're already thriving right now
and you've been so strong in everything you do.
You can live life to the fullest without anyone.
I mean, I'll always be there for you, but.
- Oh, that's so sad. (laughs)
I'm like, "What, no, come with me."
(both laugh)
- I'll be there, I'll just be like, "Hey."
- Yeah.
- I know what you mean, though.
Oh, thank you.
- Of course.
- I appreciate you.
- 'Preciate you too.
- Hey, it's Ashika here from "The Skin Deep."
Thank you so much for being here
and watching this conversation.
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