How is it you can make your ex choose to be with you? That's what we're gonna be talking about in
this video, and we're gonna be talking about how to use your absence in a strategic way that goes
beyond just the simple no contact strategy that you're probably hearing in 101 different places
on the internet. As you may or may not know, I'm not an advocate of the no contact rule, at least
the way that it's been taught in many other places on the internet. We're going to go ahead and get
into that video. So buckle up. We're going to cover this and so much more in this video.
Hey there, it's clay with modernlove.life. We're talking about how to get your ex to choose you
strategically through your absence. We don't just want to get back together with our ex. We don't
just want to be in a relationship together with them. We want them to choose us. At least that's
what I think most people want. Yes, if you're in a really bad place, you might just be willing to
say, Hey, I don't care how it happens. I want to get back together. And I understand that.
But I think most of us, when it comes to having a successful relationship, we want our partner
to choose to be with us. And in order for that to happen, there needs to be a certain journey that
has to unfold. Okay? Now, most places on the internet, you may hear something like, okay,
so you wanna get back together with the X, you gotta cut contact for a month.
Just wait for them to contact you. That should take about a month or so because science or
something. Um, and then if that doesn't happen, then you should write them a handwritten letter
and then that will definitely make them want to get back together with you because of science.
I get it. But that's not what has actually worked for me and for the clients that I've
worked with in the past. What actually does work is to have an emotional connection with your ex.
Show them that there are positive changes that are happening in you, and there are positive
changes that are happening in the dynamic between the two of you. Um, you're gonna have to do this
by interacting with them. That is to say they need to know that you are not the same person
that they broke up with. They need to know that they're not walking back into the same dynamic
that they walked out of in the first place. And if you're able to do this, then they're going
to probably have a good time connecting with you. They're probably going to want to see you
more. Of course, you may experience some hot and cold behavior, as we have talked about before in
other videos, um, as they deal with their own issues of trust, as they deal with their own
issues of learning to open themselves up and all of these sorts of things. This is fine.
This is common. This is normal. However, there will eventually come a point in time where your
ex is in a certain place where a few different conditions are met. Number one, they know that
interacting with you feels good on an emotional level. Number two, they're also aware that they
have to make a decision because the two of you have advanced as far along as you possibly can
without them making this decision about the two of you being in a relationship at this point.
The idea of being in a relationship with you goes from being a hypothetical thing
that they are considering. Now. What would it be like to hang out with one another? What would it
be like to spend time? I don't know. We don't have to make a decision about things. It'd just be nice
to see you again. I miss you a little bit, but you know, it doesn't mean anything. It goes from being
a hypothetical thing into a serious consideration. Now suddenly they're thinking, I actually have
some real feelings for you, but it means that if we do get back together, I'm gonna have to make
some hard choices. I might have to end a rebound relationship. I'm gonna have to tell people that
I have already told that, that, and we all hate your guts. Now I'm gonna have to tell them that I
changed my mind and we're back together again. I'm going to have to maybe rearrange my life in
some way. I'm otherwise going to have to make this real. And that can be a scary thing.
And so sometimes we may have to push our ex a little bit to make this choice. They're not
going to want to make this choice on their own, especially if it pushes them outta their comfort
zone. And so this is the point where you may have to use absence to your advantage. Not in
a no contact sort of way, but in a way where you tell them, Hey, I get it. This is a hard choice.
I get it. This is difficult. I understand. However, where I'm at is I actually do want
a relationship right now. And if that's not what you want, I absolutely understand that.
Maybe it just makes sense for us to take a take a little bit of a break from one another.
Maybe it makes sense for me to let you go lovingly so that I can create the space for that connection
to my own life. Maybe it makes sense for, for you to do what you wanna do, for you to be single and
free or something like that. Now, because you have built that emotional connection with them,
they are going to feel this loss. They are going to feel what it's like to miss that
emotional connection that the two of you have. And you're doing this not in a way where you're
playing games with them, but you're doing this in a way where they now have to face the consequence
of their indecision about getting back together with you. They have to now say, okay, I made this
choice to not be with you. I made this choice to not get back together with you. I made this choice
to create separation between the two of us. Now I have to live with that consequence. And this
is powerful for an important reason. This isn't powerful because they have to take ownership of
this. They have to take responsibility of this. They can't say, we're not together because you're
a jerk, or because you, uh, can't be trusted or anything. You've been on your best behavior
through all of this and you've been building that emotional connection through all of this,
and you've been nurturing that bond through all of this. And now they have to face that. They
have to search their heart and know that you've been showing up and that they simply didn't want
to do this because of their fear, because of their limiting beliefs, because of what it might mean,
because of some uncomfortable choices, because of things like that. And they have to take
responsibility for this, which is important because that puts emotional pressure on them.
Plus it also empowers them to believe that they can change the circumstance if they want to. And
so you may have to back off and give them a little bit of space so that they can feel the weight of
that. They can feel what it's like to want to turn to you after a hard day of work and to say, Hey,
here's my phone. I wanna call you. I wanna text you. Mm, I can't. We had that talk about how we're
not getting back together about how we're nothing at all. Mm darn. We just connected so well,
and I'm so excited about spending the summer together, but mm, no, that's right. I chose
to stay in this dead rebound relationship instead. And now I have to live with that.
Instead of this connection with someone who makes me feel alive, they have to live with that.
And the as that weighs on them, that can cause them to start to make new choices,
and that can cause them to start to make new decisions that bring the two of you
closer together. Now, this is all part of a strategy that we have called, um, how to
Get Back Together with Your Ex without Using No Contact. And if you wanna learn more about that,
go ahead and check it out right over here. This goes against the grain of everything that you've
probably heard elsewhere on the internet, but most importantly, it is dangerously effective. So
please go ahead and check out this video next, and I'll go ahead and see you over there.