Recently, we explored the DC Cinematic Universe movies that never came to pass. Films like
Batman Year One and Justice League: Mortal, just movies that never got made. But DC aren’t
the only ones with skeletons in their closet, Marvel has plenty of unmade films as well.
So today on the Dan Cave that's exactly what we’re gonna talk about. The Marvel Cinematic
Universe that never was, and probably never will be, unless it does in which case Dan
Cave Exclusive: Phase 4 confirmed.
James Cameron’s Spider-Man. This is the one that most people know best. It was going
to star Arnold Schwarzenegger as Doctor Octopus, Peter and MJ were gonna bang on the Manhattan
Bridge, and Electro was gonna use his powers for uh...sexual assault. Considering all of
that, and the fact that he pitched Charlie Sheen as Peter Parker, maybe it’s for the
best that it didn’t happen. WEBBING!
Now speaking of great directors, David Fincher was actually offered to direct Spider-Man
in 2002, but he passed on it. Now according to F-Money, his version would have skipped
the origin story, preferring to focus on the death of Gwen Stacy. It also would have had
Mary Jane Watson gone girling Peter Parker. Okay, maybe not that last part, but you gotta
admit it would be pretty sick.
And if that’s not crazy enough, Michael Jackson wanted to play Spider-Man SO badly
that he actually tried to buy Marvel in the 90s to make it happen. [Thriller song]
Dazzler: Bo Derek as Dazzler getting teleported mid-concert with the Avengers and Spider-Man
to a futuristic New York to battle evil queens? Queens played by Cher and Donna Summer? Plus,
KISS, Robin Williams, Rodney Dangerfield and The Village People?! Where the hell is this
movie if I keep screaming will it become real?! I hope so!!
She-Hulk: I have been very vocal about how She-Hulk needs a spot in the MCU, and as it
turns out she very nearly had one in the 1980s starring Brigitte Nielsen. Now excuse me while
I open a portal to an alternate dimension where that exists. Ooh.
Wolverine: Okay, this is less of a movie idea than a casting that comic book writer Chris
Claremont was pushing for hardcore: who’s afraid of Roger Rabbit star Bob Hoskins as
Wolverine. It sounds crazy but Hoskins is actually more similar to Wolverine’s original
design than Hugh Jackman ever was. Also connected to the role over the years? Glenn Danzig,
Viggo Mortenesen, Russell Crowe, and Johnny Depp. Can you imagine Wolverine with 40 leather
bracelets and 29 scarves? Because I can, and it’s amazing.
Black Panther: Before he was Blade, back in 1992, Wesley Snipes nearly played another
Marvel hero -- Black Panther. Now if Chris Evans can be the human torch and Captain America,
then why not Wesley?
Iron Man: Robert Downey Who-nior? Because Tom Cruise almost played him! Tommy Stark
built this in a cave with a box of dianetics!
Fantastic Four: No, not the Roger Corman version. You can find that disasterpiece in chunks
on the internet if you look hard enough; or just watch Arrested Development Season 4.
Hehe… Anustart. I’m talking about Peyton Reed’s version of the Fantastic Four, which
he pitched back in the early 2000s. It was “a family comedy” that was intended to
star Alexis Denisof as Reed Richards; Charlize Theron as Sue Storm; John C. Reilly as Ben
Grimm; Paul Walker as Johnny Storm; and Jude Law as Doctor Doom.
Doctor Strange: Marvel may finally be getting the sorcerer supreme on the big screen, but
they’ve been trying for years to do it. In 1986, Back to the Future co-writer Bob
Gale took a stab at it; in ‘92, Wes Craven signed on to write and direct, but the financier
went bankrupt; then, in 1995, David Goyer -- yes that David Goyer. Thankfully, Marvel
waited until they could fix their eye of Agamotto on that dreamy man-otter Benedict Cumberbatch.
Silver Surfer made his way into Fantastic Four numero dos, but he nearly also had a
musical of his very own back in 1980, starring you guessed it… Olivia Newton-John. Did
you really guess that? I mean if so great job. And if that wasn’t enough of a hook,
Paul McCartney was going to score the damn thing. Paul McCartney! That guy Kanye West discovered?
Now which of these would you most want to see? Let me know in the comments below and
while you’re there give me a thumbs up even if it is stuck in development hell.
Join me next week when I talk about the story of a group of Irish-American mob enforcers
and post-apocalyptic warriors hunting down Jimmy Durante’s fortune in it’s a Mad
Mad Mad Mad Max: Fury Road to Perdition. Until next time, keep on digging.