our next guest a talented comedian you can see this woman January 14th at the Palms Casino in
Las Vegas Nevada ladies and Gentlemen please welcome Lisa Lampanelli I got to tell you you
have a a lovely name what is your middle name uh Marie Marie Lisa Marie Lampanelli is that
beautiful doesn't it just roll off the tongue beautiful how are you and how was your did you
celebrate New Year's you work what did you do New Year's Eve sucked and let me tell you why
what's the problem okay last year I somehow got invited to Steve Martin's personal holid party I
got invited through a chef because I have to befriend the help to get invited anywhere so
really this year I'm waiting sweating it out I'm sweating out like Jerry Sandusky at a Cub
Scout [Applause] meeting right right right sure I understand and no freaking invitation I'm trying
to you don't get invited back what do we do did we step on one of your banjos or something did
we freaking steal a painting no so it ends up we fell off the list it was horrifying you know how
Kathy Griffin's on the D list I'm on the F list and find somebody where to spend your freaking
holiday [ __ ] no uh so you you you stayed at home with your your husband yeah yeah I got married a
year ago congratulate me huh good for you and um this is this is the first time uh we've met and
and I I I know isn't it weird I've only been in the business 21 years so I could see it it take
you a while to it's my fault it's it's my fault everybody say well she's always on the roast she's
always on the roast I don't I don't know where to find the roast so one night I I was watching and
that you had your own show and I started said well this is tremendous let's try and have this woman
on the show and she said well she's only been around for 21 years I'm very available it's my
fault I'm terribly sorry well you know I didn't meet you I like you but this Paul schaer's on my
nerves and I'll tell you why what happened Paul don't act like you don't remember Mr of course I
remember you yeah you just shut up up let me tell you Paul schaer I do my first roast it's a Chevy
Chase oh yeah this guy's the freaking roast master so he thinks he's a big shot you know
what he says about me no Lisa has been called the female Don Rickles but in truth she has
a much younger looking penis now let me tell you something younger looking younger yeah not bigger
younger I mean and he should talk with the Charles Nelson Riley glasses and those jackets look at
those jackets it looks like Michael Jackson's chimp had a yard sale are you kidding me always
felt now Bo he's negative have you yeah he has a terrible attitude um now uh have you ever done
any of the uh uh the twittering stuff I I'm having trouble oh stay off this Twitter Dave it can cost
your money cost me 50 Grand listen what happened to me $50,000 because I was twittering about my
shows you know and I was twittering I was going to Topeka Kansas you know cuz I got a real good Agent
so I find out these freaks called the Westboro Baptist Church are going to
protest me because they hate gays and I have a semi- gay following right Paul
so I mean look at you look at you nobody's buying it I can't
I can't repeat what she said about me on the on the Chevy Chase Road Pretty
Dirty she said when I look at you it reminds me I got to clean my dildo
which oh my God at you play me D oh my God you can't it's the New Year kids can't we all just
get along I love how they told me I couldn't say that here but he get that's right it's a
double standard all right so now you're in TOA so Westboro freaks these inbreds decide to protest
me because they don't like gays and I got to send my gay following so it ends up I say hey for all
the you who come out all you damn protesters I'm donating a grand to the gay cause of my choice
we'll get this I figure 78 of them are going to show up 50 of them show up and I got to write a
check for 50 G's but guess what made me look good and nobody called me fat on Twitter for
a whole day wow well that's so everybody wins it's a bargain everybody wins cheap at twice
the price now and you you also act I guess as part of your very very terrific actress yes
I I have been cast in the new David Chase movie which is the guy who created The Sopranos pretty
nice right and it's starring James gandalin who I love so I get on the set thinking he's going
to be oh Lisa Lampanelli is so funny she's a big shot he comes up to me goes hey Lisa I'm
Jimmy I'm like oh we're friends already and he goes I'm sorry I have no idea who you are
he says that to you and I said I have no idea who you are either yeah good when they told me
I was going to be working with some bald guy from the HBO I thought it was Larry David so
there goes you don't need that you don't need to take David Letterman just like that Paul
shap you don't need to take that believe me U and and your tell me a little bit about your uh
husband he's a good guy his name is Jimmy Big Balls because no it's the truth it's sad and
I won't tell you why it's too dirty unless Paul wants to say something wa that's his actual name
yes well we've had it legally changeed to that I see uh you're going to be at the Palms Casino
in Las Vegas sound like a pretty good gig it's great it's the PE theater Beautiful January 14th
Lisa Lampanelli happy New Year Lisa nice meting you thank you for being [Applause] [Music] here