(rhythmic beeping of alarm clock)
(Ian) SHUT UP!
Hey, guys. So Ian thinks he's got this amazing morning routine,
but I think mine is obviously better.
Yeah, so I'm gonna do his morning routine
and he is going to do mine.
And we'll see who ends up looking the best.
It'll be me.
(Anthony) Waking up...
First things first, my super cute puppy
jumps on my bed to wake me up every morning.
Aww, hi there!
(Anthony) Then I sit on my bed and think about
the infinite universe and how small
*and insignificant my life is.
(whimpering)
(Ian) Getting Hydrated...
I know everyone's supposed to drink
eight glasses of water a day,
so I do it all at once, to get it all out of the way!
(heavy metal music)
(spluttering)
(gagging)
(groaning)
(Anthony) Dream Journal...
Every morning, I write down all my dreams
in my dream journal.
Then I call my mom and tell her the worst one!
I'm not going to do that!
(Anthony) I call my mom and I tell her the worst one.
(dialing numbers)
(phone rings)
Hi mom. Okay, so last night I had a dream
where Neil Patrick Harris came over
and then he pulled out his [bleep]
and then I [bleeped] it with my [bleep]
and then we [bleeping],
and then we [bleeping].
And then the two of [bleep] were then [bleep]
[bleep] each others [bleep].
And then he [bleep] his [bleep] all over our faces.
(silence)
(Ian) Getting Dressed...
Ironing boards are a waste of time,
so instead I put my clothes on, THEN use the iron.
(hissing)
(screaming)
(whimpering)
(Anthony) Brushing My Teeth...
I make sure to brush my teeth
until I have a bright, red smile.
You what they say:
If it bleeds, it's clean!
(Ian) Taking a Shower...
Now it's time for a luxurious shower!
Oh god!
And since it's summer time,
I wash my body with Honey Summer Coconut Exfoliating Body Scrub,
with antioxidants and acai, kale and quinoa extracts.
Oh, okay!
(Ian) And to keep microbiotic bacteria life
from crawling inside my flesh and eating me
from the inside out, I make sure to close up my pores
using only ice cold water.
Oh god!
IT'S SO COOOOOLD!
(whimpering)
(Anthony) Combing My Hair...
I like to comb my air with my lucky, rusty fork.
(scraping)
My brain feels funny.
(Anthony) Tetanus is just marvelous for your roots!
(Ian) Morning Poop...
Ah-ah-ah!
I hold my poo in all day!
What?!
I hold it all day and make sure to eat lots of beans
and extra strength Ex-Lax.
NOOOOOOO!
(yelling)
(screaming)
(explosion)
(Anthony) Accessorizing...
Then I put on my hat!
That's it?
(Anthony) That's it!
Pfft. Okay, ooh.
(Anthony) Then I staple my testicles to the ground.
(screaming)
WHY AM I ACTUALLY DOING THIS?!
Well, that about does it for our morning routine.
Hopefully you learned something from it
that'll improve yours!
Join us next time for our afternoon routine.
(together) Bye!
(Anthony) First, I click the video on the left to see bloopers
and two deleted morning routines.
(water pouring everywhere)
(gurgling)
(Anthony) Then I click the video on the right
to see a hilarious video of Smosh Games
and Game Grumps trying to do a speed run of Megaman!
That was such an anime moment.
(screaming)
(laughter)
(Anthony) Then I finish the day off by clicking
the subscribe button.
Oh, and stapling my testicles to the ground.