>> Stephen: MEANWHILE, TRUMP IS STILL
BASKING IN THE GLOW OF HIS SUCCESSFUL PLAY-DATE WITH.
NORTH KOREAN LEADER AND PREVIOUSLY UNDISCOVERED SHAPE,
KIM JONG UN.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT IT'S BEEN SHOCKING TO HEAR
ALL THE NICE THINGS TRUMP'S SAID ABOUT ONE OF THE MOST VICIOUS
DICTATORS ALIVE.
>> HIS COUNTRY DOES LOVE HIM.
HIS PEOPLE, YOU SEE, THE FERVOR, THEY HAVE A GREAT FERVOR.
I DO TRUST HIM, YEAH.
OBVIOUSLY, HE'S A PRETTY SMART COOKIE.
HE'S A VERY SMART GUY.
HE WAS A STRONG GUY.
HE HAS GOT A VERY GOOD PERSONALITY, HE'S FUNNY AND
HE'S VERY, VERY SMART.
REALLY, HE'S GOT A GREAT PERSONALITY.
HE'S A, YOU KNOW, FUNNY GUY.
>> STEPHEN: FUNNY?!
MR. PRESIDENT, WHEN THEY TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH KIM JONG UN
KILLS, THEY'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT HIS NEW COMEDY CENTRAL SPECIAL
"KIM JONG UN-CENSORED."
( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: OH!
( PIANO RIFF ) ( APPLAUSE )
AND JUST YESTERDAY, TRUMP WENT ON FOX NEWS TO RE-SING UN'S
PRAISES TO BRET BAIER.
>> YOU CALL PEOPLE SOMETIMES KILLERS.
HE, YOU KNOW, HE IS A KILLER.
HE'S CLEARLY EXECUTING PEOPLE.
>> HE'S A TOUGH GUY.
HEY, WHEN YOU TAKE OVER A COUNTRY, TOUGH COUNTRY, TOUGH
PEOPLE AND YOU TAKE IT OVER FROM YOUR FATHER, I DON'T CARE WHO
YOU ARE, WHAT YOU ARE, HOW MUCH OF AN ADVANTAGE YOU HAVE.
IF YOU CAN DO THAT AT 27-YEARS-OLD, YOU-- I MEAN,
THAT'S ONE IN 10,000 THAT COULD DO THAT.
>> Stephen: ONE IN 10,000.
HE IS -- HE'S AMAZING.
HE WAS THE NUMBER ONE DRAFT CHOICE IN MY FANTASY DICTATOR
LEAGUE."
AND IT'S NOT JUST THEIR LEADER HE RESPECTS.
TODAY, NORTH KOREAN TELEVISION BROADCAST BEHIND-THE-SCENES
FOOTAGE OF TRUMP MEETING NORTH KOREAN OFFICIALS
AND WAIT FOR IT, AND THERE!
HE SALUTES A NORTH KOREAN GENERAL!
OUR COMMANDER IN CHIEF SALUTED OUR ENEMY.
EITHER THAT OR HE WAS JUST CONFUSED.
"I AM A HUGE FAN OF YOUR CHICKEN, GENERAL TSO."
"I LOVE THE PEANUTS, I LIKE IT WITH BROWN RICE."
( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: OH, MY...
>> Stephen: NOW, THE SUMMIT DIDN'T PRODUCE MANY TANGIBLE
RESULTS.
WE AGREED TO STOP RUNNING MILITARY DRILLS IN SOUTH KOREA
AND THEY... AGREED TO LET US DO THAT.
BUT TRUMP DID GET ONE GOOD PROMISE.
HE WON A PLEDGE FROM KIM TO RETURN THE REMAINS OF THOSE
AMERICANS KILLED IN THE KOREAN WAR.
FINALLY, THESE SOLDIERS' FAMILIES WILL GET SOME CLOSURE.
WELL DONE, MR. PRESIDENT.
BUT THEN HE HAD TO LIE ABOUT IT: >> SO MANY PEOPLE ASKED WHEN I
WAS ON THE CAMPAIGN AND I SAID, "WAIT A MINUTE, I DON'T HAVE ANY
RELATIONSHIP," BUT THEY SAID, "WHEN YOU CAN, PRESIDENT, WE'D
LOVE OUR SON TO BE BROUGHT BACK HOME."
>> STEPHEN: SO MANY "PARENTS" ASKED HIM.
THE KOREAN WAR ENDED IN 1953 ( LAUGHTER )
THAT'S 65 YEARS AGO.
THE YOUNGEST A SOLDIER COULD'VE BEEN WAS 18, LET'S SAY THEY'RE
PARENTS WERE 18 WHEN THEY WERE BORN, WHICH WOULD MAKE THEIR
PARENTS AT LEAST 101.
( LAUGHTER ) HE IS SAYING, SO MANY
101-YEAR-OLD COUPLES ASKED HIM FOR THIS.
TRUMP ISN'T BENDING THE TRUTH ANYMORE, HE'S BENDING THE FABRIC
OF SPACE/TIME.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
MY FATHER-IN-LAW SERVED IN THE KOREAN WAR.
IF HIS PARENTS WERE ALIVE, THEY WOULD BE 127.
OR, AS WE CALL THEM HERE AT CBS: THE TARGET DEMO!
WELCOME!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
ONLY CBS.
WE HAVE SOME RUSSIA NEWS, THE WORLD CUP KICKED OFF IN RUSSIA
TODAY.
BUT THEY'RE NOT BEING THAT WELCOMING.
IN FACT, ONE RUSSIAN POLITICIAN.
"WARNED THE COUNTRY'S WOMEN NOT TO SLEEP WITH FOREIGN MEN
VISITING THE NATION FOR THE WORLD CUP."
THAT'S RIGHT, EASTERN EUROPEAN WOMEN, YOU DON'T WANT TO SLEEP
WITH ANY FOREIGN MEN, OR YOU MIGHT WIND UP THE FIRST LADY.
-- THE FIRST LADY OF THE UNITED STATES.
( APPLAUSE ) NOW, YOU'VE GOT TO BE CAREFUL.
YOU CAN'T BE TOO -- THEY HAVE DONE ONE NICE THING.
REMEMBER, THOSE VUVUZELAS FROM SOUTH AFRICA?
OH, THAT'S A CATCHY SOUND.
I HAVE THE ALBUM: "NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL SHOVING MY HEAD IN A
BEE HIVE."
( LAUGHTER ) WELL, GOOD NEWS.
RUSSIA'S GETTING RID OF THE VUVUZELAS AND REPLACING THEM
WITH SPOONS.
SO GET READY FOR THE SONG OF THE SUMMER.
( SPOONS CLATTERING ) ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) HERE YOU GO.
( SPOONS CLATTERRING ) ( CHEERING )
>> Jon: THE HAM BONE!
HA HA!
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THEY'RE ALSO
INTRODUCING SOMETHING TOTALLY NEW TO RUSSIA:
HAPPINESS.
IN FACT, RUSSIAN WORKERS ARE UNDERGOING TRAINING TO LEARN HOW
TO SMILE AHEAD OF THE WORLD CUP.
(RUSSIAN ACCENT)...
"RULE NUMBER ONE: WHEN SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING HAPPY, YOU MAKE
SMILE.
IF REALLY HAPPY, YOU MAKE LAUGH.
LAUGH IS LIKE SCREAM, BUT SHORT.
AH!
OR AS THEY SAY ON INTERNET LOL LOL LOL.
HERE WE HAVE TRAINING VIDEO."
>> ♪ TRO-LO-LO-LO-LO OH HO HO HO ♪
♪ TRO-LO-LO-LO-LO OH HO HO HO ♪
>> STEPHEN: WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
NATALIE PORTMAN IS HERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BUT WHEN WE RETURN, I ADDRESS A
TROUBLING SITUATION ON OUR BORDER, JUST IN TIME FOR
FATHER'S DAY!
STICK AROUND.