today I'll be reviewing the iconic horror slasher film and one of my
personal favorites Friday the 13th right here on movies in a nutshell wait
which one the remake oh fuck well I guess I'll be reviewing the 2009
fry at 13th remake right here on movies in a nut shop fuck it
happy Friday 13th everyone and welcome to movies a nutshell where we talk about
movies in a quick lace you can get out there day I am your incredible host
detective hard to person before we go on you hit that thumbs up button because I
know it you know it uber Jason knows it you really want to
like this please today our movie will unfortunately be the 2009 remake of
Friday the 13th and just tonight we'll be talking about spoilers selfie I've
seen the remake it hit that watch every button on this video go and watch the
movie if you dare and then come back in and join the discussion go or if you're
here about spoilers sit back and let's talk produced by Michael boom-boom Bay
who also gave us the very underwhelming remake of the name Ranieri franchise a
year later in 2010 and also the goddamn never ending Transformers movies comes a
modern retelling of the horror franchise or so they say
the opening credits starts with flashes of Pamela Voorhees and a girl who I
assume is Alice Hardy already after fight were she decapitate spamela and
then they show little Jason finding his dead mom's body and him hearing her
voice inside of a said to go kill everyone at Camp Crystal Lake in the
original movie mrs. Voorhees gets a revenge on the counselors years after
Jason drowned here it seems like it's only a few days later because Jason at
this point is still a kid now as far as how he survived and why didn't he find
his mom sooner in both movies that will forever remain a mystery you know what I
have a clip for that sort of head scratcher I suggest you don't worry
about this sort of thing and just enjoy yourself
that goes for you all the movie starts as a group of teenagers who go to
Crystal Lake because they were tracking down some weed with their hilarity I did
a GPS device apparently Jason grows weed now so he can lure teams just so he can
kill him obviously j-dog knows the good shit as expected
they get killed one by one including this very cool kill where this guy
here's his girlfriend yelling for him so he goes to her and he gets caught in a
bear trap and he sees his girlfriend who was like in a sleeping bag hanging over
a campfire so she's getting burned and that dude is he's dying like his the
fucking fuck i trapped in a bear trap so alright i thought that was really cool
and easily the best moment in this entire fucking movie during this time
two of the teens find the cabin where Jason was actually you know sleeping at
during his camp days and then they find the shrine for his mom complete with
their severed head and then the last girl seems to get
killed by Jason and then fucking twenty five minutes into this we finally see
the title screen making this the longest fucking prologue and in any movie I can
think of twenty five minutes there's a prologue that's at the core of the movie
gone essentially this movie had two prologues a fucking mess so finally the
action movie starts weeks later after the prologue where we see Sam Winchester
channel is in her Claire Redfield look for his missing sibling which was the
last girl to be killed by Jason the prologue well if it wasn't any more
obvious that that girl survived and is now being held captive by Jason then
what else was this this plot serve what was the purpose you gave yourself away
movie oh and why was she being held captive by Jason because she looks like
his mom when she was younger and of course the subplot has more cannon
fodder teens to be killed by Jason later on in the movie you know so they they go
to their douchey friend's cabin for the weekend and that's pretty much it not
much personality for them and that's fine you expect any slashers I don't
wanna get to know them and needless to say they all died some some pretty
decent kills I will say as much although some of them were CGI'd especially his
machete the seeds you had a couple times that's kind of lame it's like a CGI cape
yeah trying to use X Niner now I don't usually talk about things like
cinematography because I don't want to sound like a pretentious douche like
some of these other YouTube movie reviewers some only ever gonna bring it
up if it's really good or if it's really bad and can you guess what this case
would be yeah pretty bad the lighting was very dark in the fucking shaky cam
every five minutes was irritating and it didn't have the feel of a Friday the
13th movie there are even times where I feel like I didn't know what I was
watching also the excessive amount of close-ups
and medium shots didn't really add any depth in the environment and the
hyperkinetic to nanosecond cuts weren't nauseating I didn't know what the fuck
is going on half the time especially when it came to Jason nothing like any
fucking low angle shots to make him feel imposing or even remotely scary nothing
at all and speaking of Jason he looked okay I liked his design but I feel like
a ton of his mistake went out the goddamn window we get more of a look as
to what he's thinking which kind of humanized him a little bit instead of
making him a fucking ruthless killing machine like when he gets his hockey
mask he puts it on and then looks into the mirror to see how he looks like he's
fucking going to prom the fuck why would he care also he ran a lot yes I know
he's ran and even jogged a couple times in his
earlier movies and I think once is well during a Freddy vs. Jason but he isn't
known for running he's known for calmly walking and then just showing up like
Michael Myers slow and methodical is what we come to expect with Jason I mean
I guess it could be chalked up to the whole you know a human Jason versus
Undead Jason you know which was in part six but like I said it's not what we
come to expect when it comes to Jason I mean he'll look at Batman in his first
couple of issues he had his own gun and fucking capped off people like he was
the fucking Punisher but just because he's killed before does not make it a
quintessential trait so we expect Batman not to kill just like we expect Jason
not to be a fucking track star in fact this movie made him feel more like a
survivalist you know like using underground tunnels to get between
cabins and doing shit like archery it really gives the movie a wrong turn type
of vibe and that just doesn't work for me not with my boy Jason you know what
this movie looks and feels like the fucking early 2000s Texas Chainsaw
Massacre a make was it the same director it was well that fucking explains it so
basically this movie they combine two part one the opening credits which part
two Pamela's shrine in the sack mask part three where he gets his hockey mask
and part four where Jason is defeated by a couple of siblings make this movie
into one big pile of chaotic shit and as you expect there were reference to other
Jason movies as well like in Jason's there we see marks wheelchair you know
the guy who hilariously died in part two okay can we play a clip
never gets old and with Jason dead underwater like at
the end of part 6 and him reimagine grabbing the girl like he did in part
one although when he was at the bottom of the leg he he found time to put his
mask back on when he grabbed the girl like either those stupid just come out
full-faced you're done it before fun factor this movie apparently Michael Bay
walked out of the premiere because he said there was too much sex has he ever
seen a frien 13 movie before sex is everywhere
tits and kills you would think he'd draw the line at robot testicles but I guess
not so the movie ends when the siblings kill
Jason and throw him in the lake only for him to re-emerge later and roll fucking
credits it ends on a freeze-frame alright
I mean just cuz Part one did it means you got do it too it's lazy now it is
time to rate the movie so let's take out the ratings bar we have awesome must
watch damn fine movie good dumb fun watching your board and avoid it all
cost to me this movie was a fucking mess with no clear direction lacking the look
and feel to a Friday at 13th movie and Jason was way too humanized also the
soundtrack sucked give me my key Kiki mom mama please there was far more bad
than good in this movie which puts it easily at the bottom right with Jason
goes to hell and Jason X so I hereby declare Friday at 13 2011 oh if a new
Jason movie comes out it should be on May 13 2022 because it would make it on
a Friday of 13 13 years actually releases this movie and making it the
13th movie of the franchise so come on guys please settle this custody battle
with Jason because this kind of marketing only happens once in a
lifetime and you have to do it you heard it first right here
detective Artemis called it bitch so what do you guys rate the movie vote in
the poll above whereas the PO you ask tab screen hit the I button and cast
your vote simple also who do you guys think will win in a triple threat match
Michael Myers Jason or laser face let me know the comments down below and don't
forget subscribe to this amazing Channel I am detective Artemis and your tits are
stupendous