[music playing]
Hello, my dearies.
Halloween is right around the corner, which reminds me,
I need to get a costume.
Now, according to my local CVS, Halloween
is a two-month festival beginning
September 1, which celebrates the worst candy of all time.
But, actually, Halloween is an ancient holiday with
a rich and spooky history.
And by spooky, I mean interesting.
[shriek]
[laughs]
It all started in ancient Ireland,
where they celebrated the earliest version of Halloween,
the festival of Samhain.
That's right.
The Irish gave us not one but two holidays
where people get wasted and have
sex behind a Dunkin' Donuts.
Hey, Ireland, thank you.
They believe that on the night of October 31,
the veil between the world and the afterlife was lifted,
and that spirits returned for one night like a divorced dad
on your birthday.
So to win favor with the spirits,
they lit bonfires and offered gifts to them.
But most importantly, they disguised
themselves in costumes so the dead wouldn't recognize them.
Because-- trust me-- no one wants
to get stuck in a conversation with a ghost.
They're always like, avenge me, avenge me.
It's like, OK, weirdo, I just met you.
Costumes during Samhain consisted
of animal heads and skins.
Ew, but in their defense, it was ancient times.
Those were the only costumes Party City had back then.
For thousands of years, Samhain was celebrated
in Ireland by the Celtics--
sorry, "Keltics"-- until Ireland
got a very special delivery on its doorstep, Catholicism.
And the Catholics gave the festival
a holy makeover, naming November 1 All Saints'
Day, a.k.a.
All Hallows, making the night before Hallows' Eve.
Eventually, this evolved into Halloween.
Like many other scary things, you have
the Catholic Church to thank.
After this transition, the earliest version
of trick-or-treating began.
Medieval beggars would pray for people's dead relatives
in exchange for food.
And that's pretty depressing, outsourcing your praying
to the less fortunate.
I mean, how lazy are you?
[phone alert]
Oh, my Postmates with a single bottle of water is here.
Bring it in.
But there was fun trick-or-treating too.
Kids dressed up in costumes and offered
to sing or recite a poem in exchange
for food or money or wine.
And I know what you're thinking, kids drinking wine.
But don't worry.
It's Irish wine, so it's basically
just rancid grape juice.
In the 18th and 19th centuries, Halloween
started getting popular around the world,
especially in America, after a Halloween poem by Robert Burns
became popular.
And I know it might seem weird that something became
mainstream due to poetry.
But if you think about it, it's the same way
we all learned about sizzurp.
At the turn of the century, the influx of Irish immigrants
made Halloween even bigger in the US.
And it actually started to get a little rowdy.
Kids used the day as an excuse for vandalism
and general assholery, a tradition
that continues to this day.
Ugh.
[kids laughing]
Mother-[bleep].
I will kick your ass at soccer practice, Timmy!
It was so bad.
Some politicians wanted to cancel Halloween altogether.
Luckily, the solution was already
built in, trick-or-treating.
Everyone figured out that if they gave kids treats
in exchange for not acting like little dickheads,
they'd be chill.
Trick-or-treating exploded by the 1950s
with the mass production of candy.
Although back then, candy was weird.
They had all these suggestive names like Zagnuts and
Sugar Daddies.
If you like candy, kids, you'll love
Uncle Jimmy's Pole Smokers.
[old-timey music]
Mm, pole.
By the 1970s, Halloween wasn't just for kids anymore.
Adults started to get into it too.
They threw parties.
They wore costumes, some sexy and some really sexy.
Oh, yeah, Dick Nix, hi, where you at?
These days, Halloween has taken on a new meaning,
celebrating the macabre and having
a safe space to explore our identities
with our friends and family.
I'm just [bleep] with you.
It's about making as much money as possible.
It's the most expensive holiday after Christmas.
And we don't even get a PlayStation out of it,
just some highly regrettable photos
and a mouthful of cavities.
Ah, lost another one.
So now you know how Halloween got to be so spooktacular.
I hope everyone out there has a safe and fun time this year.
Enjoy it because the next holiday
is Thanksgiving, when you have to spend the whole day
with your entire family.
[shriek]
[laughs]
[cheering]