>> Stephen: HEY, WE'RE BACK HERE WITH A HOST OF
"LAST WEEK TONIGHT," JOHN OLI OLIVER.
HOW ARE TICKET SALES? >> John: NO IDEA.
BUT AGAIN, I JUST CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH THE EXTENT TO WHICH
LAS VEGAS SHOULD NOT EXIST AS A CITY.
>> Stephen: AND THAT YOU ARE NOT ADELE.
HERE YOU ARE. YOUR OPENING WITH SETH.
YOU STARTED YOUR CAREER AS A STAND-UP.
DO YOU HAVE ANY MEMORABLE PEOPLE THAT YOU TOURED WITH, PEOPLE YOU
REMEMBER WHEN YOU STARTED OUT? >> John: THE BEAUTY WITH STAND
UP, IT'S A FUNDAMENTALLY HUMILIATING JOB.
IT'S GOOD FOR THE HUMAN SOUL. THE LOWEST I EVER GOT PAID, I
DID A GIG AT THE UNIVERSITY OF EAST ANGLIA AND MY MANAGER SAID
YOU'RE GOING TO GO INTO THE MIDDLE, THREE ACTS.
YOU'RE GOING TO GO IN THE MIDDLE.
ALL OF THAT WAS TRUE BUT HE LEFT OUT SOME KEY SPECIFICS THAT
WOULD'VE BEEN HELPFUL TO KNOW AT THE TIME.
ONE WAS THAT THE FIRST, THE OPENING ACT WAS A GUY CALLED
MR. METHANE WHO WAS KIND OF A CHARACTER ACT IN BRITAIN AT THE
TIME. I BELIEVE HE STILL AROUND.
A GUY IN A KIND OF SKINTIGHT GREEN LYCRA SUIT WHOSE TALENT
WAS THAT HE COULD FART ON COMMAND.
AND SO HE DID THAT, HE FARTED ALONG TO THE BLUE DANUBE.
HE BLEW OUT SOME BIRTHDAY CANDLES SONIC CAKE.
AND THEN HE FARTED THE NATIONAL ANTHEM.
>> Stephen: YOUR NATIONAL ANTHEM?
>> John: GOD SAVE THE QUEEN OR THE KING BUT ALSO TO THE SAME
WHEN IT COMES OUT OF HIS RECTUM. >> Stephen: COULD HE HOLD A
NOTE? >> John: HE COULD.
IT WAS GENUINELY IMPRESSIVE. IT WAS PATRIOTISM IN THE ROOM.
I AM HEARING THE BRITISH NATIONAL ANTHEM THE WAY IT'S
SUPPOSED TO BE HEARD. PERIOD RECOGNIZABLY BEEN FARTED
INTO A MICROPHONE BEING HELD 0 INCHES AWAY FROM THE MAN'S
ANUS. YOU MIGHT BE WONDERING.
>> Stephen: I AM. >> John: WERE THERE TWO
MICROPHONES AVAILABLE TO THE PERFORMERS THAT NIGHT?
NO. MICROPHONE, SINGULAR.
I WENT ONTO A STAGE TO AN AUDIENCE WHO WERE JUST SITTING
DOWN AFTER GIVING HIM A STANDING OVATION AND ODDLY HONEST.
MY 20 MINUTES OF JOKES ABOUT BRITAIN'S INVOLVEMENT IN THE
IRAQ WAR DIDN'T GO DOWN AS WELL IS WHAT MR. METHANE HAD DONE.
I BOMBED. THEN THE FINAL ACT OF THE
EVENING, STEVIE STARR, WHO CALLED HIMSELF THE WORLD'S ONLY
PROFESSIONAL REGURGITATE OR PURITY I SAW HIM SWALLOW AND
BRING BACK A LIGHT BULB, A POOL BALL, AND A GOLDFISH.
YES, IT'S THE GOLDFISH THAT STUCK WITH ME TOO.
A LIVE GOLDFISH. >> Stephen: EN-LAI WHEN HE
CAME BACK OUT. >> John: LIFE AND HE CAME BACK
OUT. I KNOW THAT GOLDFISH CAN'T
EMOTE. BUT I WOULD SWEAR TO YOU THAT
THAT GOLDFISH LOOKED AT ME STANDING AT THE SIDE OF THE
STAGE WITH A LOOK IN ITS EYES THAT SAID "KILL ME NOW."
>> Stephen: THEY ONLY REMEMBER THINGS FOR SEVEN SECONDS.
>> John: I THINK THAT'S A MISNOMER.
I THINK HE WOULD'VE LOVED TO HAVE FORGOTTEN THAT FOR SEVEN
SECONDS. THEY LOVED HIM EVEN MORE THAN
THEY LOVE MR. METHANE. IT WASN'T BOMBING ON STAGE THAT
HURT. THE TRUE IDEA OF THAT EVENING
WAS HOW NICE THE TWO OF THEM WERE TO ME BACKSTAGE.
THEY WERE SO KIND. YOU HAVE NOT HIT ROCK BOTTOM
UNTIL YOU'VE SEEN A GUY IN A RIP-OFF RIDDLER COSTUME PEELING
OFF HIS BODY AND I SWEAR HE LOOKED TO ME AND SAID "I'M
SORRY. THAT WAS HARD TO WATCH YOU DO
THAT UP THERE." IT WAS HARD FOR YOU,
MR. METHANE? YOU FOUND THAT DIFFICULT TO
WATCH? YOU FELT I LOST SOME DIGNITY
THERE? FART MAN!
I LOOKED HIM UP. HE IS STILL GOING, MR. METHANE.
AND STEVIE STARR RECENTLY GOT TO THE FINAL OF CROATIA'S GOT
TALENT WHICH IS BOLD BECAUSE HE IS IN NO WAY CROATIAN.
>> Stephen: WOW. >> John: DARK TIMES.
BUT THEY ARE CHARACTER BUILDING. >> Stephen: 100%.
DO YOU WANT TO GIVE AWAY SOME MORE T-SHIRTS?
>> John: I DO. >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.
OKAY. LET'S DO A COUPLE MORE HERE.
[CHEERING] ONE MORE.
ALL RIGHT. NOW LET'S GO OUTSIDE!
>> John: OUTSIDE? >> Stephen: COME ON.
LET'S DO IT OUTSIDE. ♪ ♪
ANYBODY WANT A T-SHIRT? OH, [BLEEP]
>> John: OOH. >> Stephen: I'M GOING TO TRY
TO GET ONE ON TOP OF THIS THEATER.
JOHN OLIVER, EVERYBODY! "LAST WEEK TONIGHT" IS ON HBO ON
SUNDAY NIGHTS. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH BOY
GENIUS.