Why did you marry me?
Ever since I was little,
I dreamed up like this perfect person
for me.
And of course, like that
changed a little bit over time.
And then I found it
in you. And I just could see
because throughout your life
like the love you have changes
and the relationship you have changes
and the people change.
But
trying to foresee
that as practically as I could,
I didn't see a moment
where we would fall out of love,
you know?
So even if we both change and
you and I change a lot.
Yeah, we do change a lot.
We adapt a lot,
and we're also best friends.
So I just couldn't foresee a time
where we would want
to, like, get a divorce
or not work through something.
And I just thought
that was really important.
So when I saw that, I was like,
I could see this for decades, you know?
And I have no doubt in my mind that
there wouldn’t be an obstacle
we couldn't overcome.
What does 'happy marriage' means to you,
and what do you think is our biggest obstacle
to get there?
To me being happily married
is when we're committed
to making each other
happy it's
when we're like working to...
to making sure that
that I see that smile
in the morning, in the afternoon
and at night.
To me, being happily
married means how much can I give?
Like yesterday
we had a question about this.
We’re talking about sacrifice,
how much you're sacrificing.
And, man, it's about
making those sacrifices
and being happy about them.
That's tough.
Sometimes I just want to be in
my man cave
and you're like, Oh, let's watch a movie.
Let's spend time, let’s walk-
Yeah.
And I'm just like, I'm tired.
I just came from work. Just
read the news.
But I know the only way that
I'm going to have a happy
marriage is by giving
and giving and giving more.
Our greatest obstacle?
For me,
my greatest obstacle
to get towards getting there is
I just got to stop being selfish,
you know,
and constantly reminding myself
no, Ramon, like, You don't live alone now.
There's another person in the house,
you know, and um...
and I think for me,
it's just be conscious
of how selfish I can be.
I feel like
if anything came out of this experience
is that if we can show other people that
finding the right person is worth it,
you know what I mean?
That they shouldn't settle for
if they don't have
what they really want, they shouldn't
just settle.
Because I
feel like a lot of people, wow,
that kind of relationship really exist.
I- to me it's just a normal relationship.
I feel like
we're just
a good match in many,
many ways, in almost every way.
So we work hard at our relationship,
but it's not like,
Oh, so horrible
to work at our relationship.
I think we just
go, you know, we get through the
The kinks. - The roadblocks or whatever
and we keep going
because we love each other.
We really want to be together.
So for other people,
is like ‘Wow, they.
they have honesty’ or whatever it is
that they see in our relationship.
If that means that
they will find a person like that
or they will look or they will be open
to that kind of relationship,
I think that's a positive thing.
I hear you. I hear you.
But I think a lot of
it has to do
before our relationship started,
I think that's where the work started.
Knowing what you want,
what you want to go for. Do you know what I mean?
I guess.
For you, yeah, but not for me.
So how did you end up with me?
Explain.
You don't remember how many people
I've dated?
Like every week.
All of
the state of New York and part of D.C.
and some other states.
I think yeah, that's pretty much- um...
because I.
So the difference between us,
you knew what you wanted
and you were like,
nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
Oh, okay. For me,
I was like, okay, okay, okay, okay.
And then I met you.
It was a pleasant surprise, that's all,
because I didn't know I could, like,
have that kind of relationship.
Now, being married, marriage is
no joke, and it's not easy.
So you have these moments
sometimes, I'll be honest.
I've had moments sometimes where
I'm like,
Are we really about to do this?
Are we really going down this path?
Are we getting deeper into this?
Is this you know,
I've had those thoughts
because we’ll have a disagreement
about something.
But then I realize, like, okay,
it’s just not that serious.
Yeah.
And I think that might be
the selfish part that's in me
because I was my own person before you.
And so but now I don't ever
I don't really ever consider
you not being a part of my life.
How do you think we have changed
the most since getting married?
I really, genuinely think we argue less
because
since we got married,
the sequence of events have been, well,
our court
marriage was 2018,
and our Indian wedding was last year, 2019.
Which marriage are you talking about?
So I usually consider the court
wedding, the city hall wedding
as the wedding. - Okay.
So whichever it is,
I generally feel
we argue less
because I feel like
we're more of one team.
I don't mind arguing,
but I don't want that argument
to carry for the rest of the day. I mean- - That’s what I’m saying.
And that's something
I don’t want to be in a bad mood.
Yeah, but we know. - ‘Cause I'm selfish
because I'm like,
I don't want to be in a bad mood,
but I kind of want to make my point
and I don't think
I don't mind debating it,
but then I don't want to walk away from
that debate thinking like
for the rest of the day being like, shit,
I have to like. - Yeah, you have to like-
Get my brain back together.
When do you feel the closest to me
and why?
Whenever
we have
those conversations where we like,
it's almost like
like a reset button.
Like, I feel like we'll go a few days
and like your battery drains
because we both
put a lot in the relationship and then
we'll get into
like some really stupid argument.
And then
by the end of it, we spend like an hour
getting like really deep
and we do it like once a week at least.
Yeah.
It, like, charges us for like a whole week.
Yeah.
And then like set us up
for the whole next week. - Yeah.
Those are the conversations
where I realize like, wow,
this person really loves me
and cares about me
because we open up so much.
I think.
I think the
why that's like I feel like it's
so important to both of us
is that we're also
like very best friends.
Like we like, talk and hang out
and like goof around like a best friends,
you know?
And then we forget, like, we're
fucking married sometimes. - Yeah.
And then, like, we're like, wow,
I'm married to this person.
Randomly,
I just remember that,
oh, she's also my life.
And then, like,
I can talk to her about anything
and like, like, I can love her too,
you know?
And I think- I think that is crazy.
I think that's
when we realized that like.
Wow. - Yeah.
Look what we have here.
How do you love me?
How do I love you?
Let me count the ways. - Oh, wow.
I love you because
I am married to for 45 years
and we have two beautiful sons together
and we've grown over the years
and we understand one another.
We have accomplish a lot together
being married.
Yeah.
And even we had downfalls or not
good times in our life.
We were still there for one another.
Through thick and thin.
And through sickness and death
we are there for one another.
Yeah. Yeah.
We help each other
ahead and wipe the tears.
So that's
how that's how I love you.
Because you were there for me
whenever. You bring me lunch at work.
You’re like: ‘What do you want?’ You bring me lunch.
What do I need?
What should we take out?
Things.
The little things you do
Is the little things you do. - I always do little things.
I'm not a big person.
To me, what
life matters is the little things.
Life is a good.
Life is good.
And I enjoy being married to you.
You're my partner.
You my friend, my best friend.
You know I don't have that many friends.
No, you don't.
You know, you're my-
My sister and you. That’s it.
If I'm your best friend,
give me a kiss.
Alright, c’mon. That’s it. - I love you.
Do you feel like all the sacrifices
that we made
at the beginning of our marriage
were worth it?
Were worth what? What we have now?
Or where we're at now?
Where we're at now.
And like in everything
that we went through with school and work
and just constantly struggling.
Yeah, I mean,
you got to start somewhere, right?
And
I think, you know,
unfortunately, we live in a
a time where
people don't want to put in the hard work
to get
to, where
the job itself gets a little bit easier
just because you got a little bit
more experience
and education credentials
and support around you.
And I've got all of that.
So absolutely.
I feel like that
I feel some days
I told you last week
when I was putting up
the rest of the Christmas decorations
after working in Wyoming three days
last week.
After that,
sometimes it feels like it's
constant work.
But again, I got to remind myself
that it's not that
that doesn't make me unhappy.
I enjoy what I do, right?
And I'm good at it.
And I think.
Does it ever make you exhausted?
Oh, for sure.
Like I- but exhausted in terms of
I'm ready to go to sleep and get a nice
good night's sleep.
Not exhausted.
Like I'm in a bad burnout place, no. - Burnout.
Never.
So, I mean, if I put on all the work
and we were in this point of our lives
and we didn't have what we have
and I wasn't as good a job as I am.
Yeah, I would.
I would think twice about, you know,
was it worth it?
But no, it's good.
Yeah.