- Surpr--oh, it's just Brooke.
Hey, is Chasey coming down soon?
'Cause I'm illegally parked.
- You got him a car? - Yeah.
- He's 14.
- Hey, well, everybody's gonna get him a car when he's 16.
- Oh, whoa, sick ride, baby.
- I got it for Chase.
I think he's wheely gonna like it.
You know, 'cause of the wheels.
- [laughs] - Hi, Lance.
This guy's with me, Brooke Dubek.
- Sorry, you're not on the list.
- Oh, family doesn't need to be on the list.
I know that 'cause I made it.
- It doesn't matter.
If you're not on the list, you have to go in standby.
- With the losers? - [scoffs]
Thank you so much for coming.
- It's so good to see you.
You're so tan. Did you go on vacation?
- Oh, no, I went on "Watch What Happens Live."
- You did? - Yeah.
It was stupid but, you know, it was cool.
- God, this party's crazy.
Your brother's gotten so huge.
My students would die if they knew I was here right now.
- I can get you a picture with him if you want.
- Oh, um...
- Or with Esther Lay.
I just met her.
She's really, really nice.
I mean, it's weird that she's here, but, you know,
it's helpful to know people like that.
- Why, is she a director?
- No, she's a chip heiress.
- Oh.
- Supris--ah, damn it.
Hey, uh, is ChaseDreams still up there?
Because I got him a present.
I think he's wheely gonna-- [horn honking]
Hey, go around. Just go around me!
- Can't believe I'm in line for a party that I planned.
- I know what could cheer you up.
Check out my new shoes.
They're dry-erase, so you can make 'em any kind you want:
Nike, Adidas, red.
Right now, they say, "Happy birthday, Chase."
Actually, they say "Hap irthda, Cha."
I ran here.
- Yeah, someone named @CaryDreamsFeet started
following me, which is so weird because my feet are fine.
- You should get the foot filter app.
- Yeah, it really smooths out your feet and toes for pics.
- Oh, that's a good idea.
- I'm Jeremy, by the way.
- Oh, sorry, that's Jeremy.
- [gasps] Hi, you're Jeremy?
- Yes.
- Are you really gay? - Yes.
- [gasps]
Cary, this is so good.
- Thanks, Mom.
- Mona, I wanna go over there.
- Okay.
I love gay guys.
- So you been DVRing "RHONY"?
- No, Lance, I'm a businesswoman now,
so I don't have time for "Real Housewives of New York."
- That's why I DVR.
- Okay, two more.
- Oh, thank God. I have to pee so bad.
- Oh, ow.
Remember to send Chasey down.
I don't want him to forget about me tonight.
Or whatever.
- Why is the women's line so long?
It's like, use the men's.
That's what it's for.
See, totally empty.
[gasps]
Oh, Chase. - Little man.
- [moans]
- God, he looks like shit.
Do you think anyone saw him?
- No, we took him out the back, B.
No one will ever even know he left.
- Any minute now.
- This is ridiculous.
I was downstairs for 30 minutes and he got this wasted?
You know, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one
that's looking out for him.
- What about Care?
- I mean, yeah, he's great,
he's just--he's a little orange right now.
- You mean like tan?
- No, like orange inside.
[both laugh]
I think he's just going through something.
He's not the only one.
I didn't see my mom once tonight.
Like, where the [bleep] was she?
- Girl, you are loving these nuts.
You mom is my friggin' spirit animal right now.
- Very cool, Mona.
- Wait, I have to tell you what happened this week.
I joined a gym, as you can see,
and my first morning on the treadmill,
one of my students got on next to me.
- No. - Yes.
I was too embarrassed to let him see me run,
so I hid in the locker room
and watched clips of dogs feeling guilty on my phone.
- The same thing just happened to me.
I had to start working out
'cause I was on "Watch What Happens Live."
- Yeah, you mentioned that.
- Yeah, I mean, like, it was stupid,
but, you know, some people said I was good on it.
- Well, I can't wait to watch it.
- Oh, I could pull it up right now.
- Oh, um... - Just--yeah, I mean, just--
Just--yeah, okay, here we go.
It's still loading.
Still loading.
I think it's taking a long time
'cause I'm downloading that foot filter app.
- I can't believe Chase's first time getting drunk
was in a club.
I just wanted him to have a typical teenage experience,
like mine. - What was yours?
- I got wasted on a thing of peach schnapps under my bed
and my mom found the bottle and grounded me
and then I told her I wished she was dead
and we didn't talk for a month.
Chase'll never get that.
- What, don't worry, cook Brooke,
he'll have plenty of firsts.
Maybe he'll lose his V-card the way you did.
- To the drummer from Snow Patrol?
Ew, Lance.
- [vomits] - Ew, Chase.
[tires squeal]
- Out, everybody out.
- No, sir, we're about to get on the bridge.
- I don't care. Out!
- All right, it should load better out here.
- Surpri--oh, God damn it.
- Streeter? - God damn it.
- Did you get Chase a car?
- Yes, I got him a car, and it's a great deal too.
He only has to say Chevy Camaro in his next three songs.
- Uber for Jordan? - Uh, what?
- Uber for Jordan. I'm Jordan.
- This isn't an Uber.
- Sorry, I don't like it when the drivers talk to me.
- Yeah, this is good. You're cute.
- Yeah, thanks.
- Should we go back inside?
- Oh, no, was it--was it weird that I made you watch that?
- Yes.
- Okay, uh, well, we want to go back inside.
CaryDreams.
- You're not on the list.
- Try gay brother.