My hair is not playing at all today...
Hello, hello, hello. It is Sunday. I'm CJ.
This week we are all talking about detransitioning. One of the first things that a lot of people, when coming out,
have to confront, is this idea of "Maybe what you're going through is a phase."
And actually what detransitioning really does is, I think, when we talk about it, it taps on our own
insecurities about what's going on and what's difficult and what's hard. I understand why members
of the trans community get riled up about the concept or when they hear about somebody detransitioning.
Now, I'll say I don't know anybody that's gone through detran-- I mean I don't even like the word,
because, like, you can't detransition. Like, linguistically it doesn't work. You know, you're transitioning.
You're just transitioning in another way. It's a concept that I have war with, because I think the language
that we use to talk about it is so hugely wrong. And it's untidy and it's unfair. I think it's really problematic
and I think it's really problematic from, like, an academic viewpoint. You know what I mean, like,
we are so much in this sphere of either you transition, you go from one direction to the other,
or you detransition, which is where you go back. And...
I'm not...
I'm certainly fundamentally... I feel like you guys know this,
but, like, I'm not into the policing of people's bodies. I don't think that that's a fair thing to do.
I don't think that it's a right thing to do. I think, you know, in an ideal world where healthcare is
a sort of thing that everybody has free and easy acces to, these are the things that we should be doing
because people's peace of mind and people's comfort should be number one, rather than...
this world that we live in right now, that does not seek to necessarily help people.
The best phrasing I ever heard was, it was from a nurse at Dr. Crane's surgery in San Francisco,
when Louis Theroux made a documentary about trans kids and sort of went across America and...
This was, I don't think it was broadcast in the States. I know it was broadcast in the UK.
And he said... You know, cisgender people often ask the question. He said, you know,
he's like, "Well, what happens if the child goes through, or the person goes through some form of transition
and then decides that actually this wasn't right for them?" The nurse was incredibly compassionate
and she said, "Well, at least that person's gonna be around to make that choice."
And that's really the crux of where I fall on this. I'm not gonna talk to you about whether or not...
What my personal opinion about transition and detransition and all of that is, because, like, who cares?
I'm not detransitioning. I may do. I don't think that I will, but I don't have an end-sight. For me, I don't feel
as binary as I'm going from one direction to another. I know the things that I think will help.
I know I've read a lot. I know the experiences that I have. I can't say that there won't be elements where...
I...
You know, we've talked about this, when I talked about doubts. I can't say that there aren't places,
where there are times where I'll think, like, "Oh, okay. Maybe, actually this isn't for me."
But we don't know. Nobody knows. There is no routebook for this thing. There is nothing where we
can be, like, I understand. Like, this is what's happening. And because of that, to be super-critical of people
who are sort of struggling through and trying to find their own way,
is, um...
It says a lot more about who we are as people, that we're willing to do that.
To be honest, I think if you have gone through any form of transition and then are...
continuing to transition, or...
I had like... This is making me so uncomfortable, and it's making me so uncomfortable because I don't
have the words. And I like to think that I always have the words. Because that's who I am.
And I don't have the words for this one and I can't make the words work, because...
If the concept of detran-- If we take the concept of detransition being somebody who's gone through
a medical intervention and then stopped, or wanted to go back.
So I'm assuming we're talk-- You know, fundamentally, about people who've been on testosterone
and then gone back. Or maybe people who've had top surgery and then gone... decided... and then feel
that hasn't solved the issues that they're feeling, the problems that they have with their body.
Then, um...
Like, so what?
It doesn't detract from me. It doesn't detract from my experiences and my transness
and what I'm going through. Because what I'm going through is different. And any more than, you know,
when people are like, "Well, what if you have something done and then you don't like it?"
You know, we seem to, at the moment, live in this climate, that's incredibly worried that people might
change their bodies and actually like them. Which, if I got really super-political for a second,
you know, we do live in a world that benefits if people don't like themselves.
And that is something I think that's really, really important to remember. Like, the more insecure that
people are, the more things they'll buy, the more things that they'll get to try and improve themselves.
All of this kind of thing. So we live in a world that's absolutely benefitted by trying to keep people
from being comfortable and happy with themselves. And I think the way that we talk about detransitioning
probably buys into an awful lot of that. I refuse to sit in judgement on anybody. I do.
I refuse to do it. Particularly, I think for people who are struggling through trying to find their own way.
When I talk to other people about what I'm going through, they can't necessarily correspond their feelings
to what I'm going through. And so I ask for that kind of understanding from other people.
So I feel like I should be able to give it. So, um... That's my ramble for this week.
Uh... and that's all I've got for you.
So I hope that, wherever you are, it's sunny. And, um... I'll speak to you next week.
Bye.