PUPPET: Last week on "Learning Town." I'm a tooth!
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
STORM: And next on our tour, the old General Store.
WAND-A: Oh, it's cotton fluff and daisies.
It's candy through and through.
STORM: Right.
Oh, careful.
Gazebo.
WAND-A: It's covered in enchanted bugs.
They sing to me and you.
STORM: And the old puppet [INAUDIBLE].
[THUMP]
MALE GUEST STAR: I need about six cases of champagne, some
very, very old paintings, gold coins, some Chilean sea bass
and shrimp cocktails, a small boat, a masseuse.
PAUL: Yeah, actually, our budget is kind of limited.
It took some creative accounting
just to get you here.
TEDDY: My pants is a box.
MALE GUEST STAR: Hey, you got to spend money to make money.
You spend it.
I make it.
OK?
PAUL: Maybe we should go over your song?
STORM: About that.
I promised Wand-A here this week's song.
PAUL: Oh yeah, she looks like she's raring to go, Storm.
STORM: Her circadian rhythms are off, Paul.
TEDDY: Box buddies.
PAUL: Cookie's office right now.
STORM: Cookie's office like a fox.
PAUL: I'll beat you there.
WAND-A: Why, what have we here?
[SPITS]
MALE GUEST STAR: Oh, God no.
PAUL: Cookie, Mr. I'm-a-big-idiot-
with-a-stupid-face is being a big idiot with a stupid face.
STORM: I have a prepared statement.
Shut up, Paul.
Shut up, shut up, shut up.
And in conclusion shut up.
PAUL: I have also prepared a statement--
your mom.
STORM: Rebuttal--
Paul's mom.
PAUL: Oh, it's slapping time.
STORM: It is.
COOKIE: Guys?
This is a big week for us.
It's Valentine's day.
It's a holiday show.
Those always do well.
And well, as we've discussed, is?
STORM: Bad?
PAUL: Purple?
COOKIE: Good!
STORM: Right, that was my second guess.
PAUL: I had it written on my hand and it
kind of rubbed off.
COOKIE: Write a romantic Valentines-y song for Wand-A
and Male Guest Star to do together.
PAUL: Right.
Wand-A is not a lover, she's a biter.
COOKIE: Make it work or I will eat your candy-ass hearts!
I'm sorry.
No.
I'm not sorry.
They need to get it together.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[STORM AND PAUL SINGING]: Come round ye children, and we
shall detail of Cupid whose arrows two suitors impaled.
And idled affections in want of a shove, singing hey nonny
no, hi nonny ne, na-noo no-ney.
[STORM SINGING]: There was a young maiden, so winsome and
fair, so virtuous, graceful, and golden of hair.
But alas, the fair lass in her heart had no love, sighing--
[WANDA SINGING]: Hey nonny nonny no nonny no nonny no
na-na-na no non non.
[GIBBERISH SINGING]
[PAUL SINGING]: So too a young huntsman so strong and so
brave, he pined for the maiden, her
heart to himst gave.
He yearned for release from the heavens above crying--
MALE GUEST STAR: No.
No [BLEEP]
way.
[STORM AND PAUL SINGING]: Each day the shy maiden saw
huntsman pass by.
She'd say--
WAND-A: [GROWLS]
[STORM AND PAUL SINGING]: The huntsman in turn would say--
MALE GUEST STAR: Keep this crazy woman the hell away from
me, or I am walking.
[STORM AND PAUL SINGING]: Uponst one fine morning in
deep forest green, young Cupid espying this lachrymose scene,
dispatched several arrows in redress thereof, saying--
TEDDY: Say hey nonny no to my little friend.
[GUN SOUNDS]
MALE GUEST STAR: Cut!
Cut!
I'm going to close this entire show down unless you pay me
more money.
PAUL: OK, everyone, let's all just take a step back.
MALE GUEST STAR: Fetch me a soda.
PAUL: Of course.
What kind?
MALE GUEST STAR: Expensive!
PAUL: You got it.
COOKIE: Oh, hey, sorry Male Guest Star.
I'm sorry if we seem a little frantic here.
WAND-A: Get your hands off my man, wenchy.
Wand-A's hot to fight.
COOKIE: Bring it, pill bottle!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
-Hey, Male Guest Star, the dollar sign represents money.
-Benji's bro.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[THUNK]
[TV PLAYING]
-You ready for more "Hikky Burr"?
Whatever.
Hey!
Silence is argument buried out by other means.
Free trade papaya.
A whole bunch of grapes.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
KID: Fruit is swag.
STORM: Watch the next awesome episode of Learning Town.
WAND-A: Will we be there?
STORM: No, [BLEEP]
way.
MALE GUEST STAR: Subscribe to Geek and Sundry.
I did.