Some news stories help us understand the world we live in,
and some new stories are just stupid.
For those, we turn to Ronny Chieng.
-♪ ♪ -(cheering and applause)
Thanks, Trevor.
At this point, I think we can all agree
that the Internet is basically giving us all brain damage.
Okay? Social media is constantly bombarding us
with information we don't care about,
like what my friend ate for breakfast
or what my mom's watching on TV
and when my wife had our baby.
(groans) Okay, the point is
social media's destroying everything.
Just look at this guy who went viral
for the dumbest thing possible.
NEWSWOMAN: Carson King thought he'd get a few laughs.
Just kind of thought it's a joke.
NEWSWOMAN: And maybe even a few bucks
on ESPN's College GameDay
with this sign asking for beer money
along with his actual Venmo account.
The money started pouring in.
I had people from Texas, Idaho,
California, Massachusetts.
NEWSMAN: All told, King raised more than a million bucks.
This guy got a million dollars
for beer.
Are you kidding me?
All he did was hold up a sign.
This guy does it on TV, and he's a hero,
but when I held up a sign demanding money,
all of a sudden, I'm a bank robber,
and I took hostages,
which is, like, a federal offense.
And the fact that this even worked was stupid, Trevor.
But not as stupid as what he did with the money.
NEWSWOMAN: He decided he'd donate all of it
minus the cost of one case of beer
to the University of Iowa Children's Hospital.
It overlooks the Hawkeyes football field,
where home games fans turn and wave to the kids.
Hearing the news, Venmo and Busch Beer
both vowed to match the growing funds.
Wow, he gave all that money to a children's hospital.
What an incredible insult to all the hardworking Americans
who thought it was for beer.
(laughter and applause)
Yo, at least he bought,
like, one case of beer, okay?
Although now there's just gonna be some kid
who's $12 short of a new kidney, right?
"Oh, sorry, Timmy, we ran out of money.
"But we did put this empty can of Bud Light inside of you.
Let's just see what happens."
And if you think this story couldn't get any stupider,
remember, on the Internet,
no good deed goes unpunished.
NEWSWOMAN: The Des Moines Register profiled King,
and the reporter dug up
a couple of offensive, racist tweets
from when King was 16 and sharing jokes
from the Comedy Central show Tosh.0.
It was brought to my attention
by a reporter for The Des Moines Register,
and, uh, once he pointed it out,
I was really upset with myself.
Well, what a plot twist.
The guy who raised over $2 million for sick kids
also tweeted offensive jokes ten years ago.
So is he a good person, or is he a bad person?
I haven't been this confused about how to feel
since I got a boner for my great-grandma's yearbook photo.
But at least there's a clear lesson here:
never donate money you get for beer
to a children's hospital, okay?
Because you only become famous if you donate the money.
If you keep the money, no one cares, and you're rich.
And if you think this story doesn't get any stupider,
then you are as wrong
as the feelings I have for my great-grandmother, okay,
because get this.
After a reporter exposed this guy's old tweets,
the reporter himself got his own 15 minutes of shame.
NEWSMAN: Internet users angry about the paper
digging up old tweets did some digging of their own,
this time on reporter Aaron Calvin.
And lo and behold,
they uncovered derogatory tweets
about African Americans, gay people and women.
The Des Moines Register then fired Calvin, saying,
(reading):
-(cheering and applause) -Oh! That's right.
The reporter who found the racist tweets
had even worse racist tweets.
It's a classic case of the pot calling the kettle the N-word,
which is why I always say
don't point fingers on the Internet,
because the Internet will finger you right back.
So, there you have it.
The guy who raised the money is canceled.
The reporter is canceled.
I think the beer got canceled.
And everything continues to be stupid.
Yes, but I-I think it is still a happy ending here, Ronny,
because at least the sick kids are gonna get that money.
Well, actually, Trevor,
I dug out some of these kids' tweets,
-and, oh, man. -Oh, no! Don't even do it!
Ronny Chieng, everybody!