-Tracy and I have a lot of history together.
Most people think that we met on "Saturday Night Live,"
but we go back further than that.
Tracy and I actually were together
at the same cooking network back in the early '90s.
-[ Laughs ] Yeah. -Yeah, it was called EatsTV.
-What were we doing? -I know, man.
Between shows, we would do these segments
where we gave the audience cooking tips,
but to keep our line readings fresh,
our director wouldn't let us see the lines
until while we were shooting.
So, we were reading them for the first time right there on set.
Well, I found some of our old footage.
-What? -I swear.
So, for the first time in decades,
here is Tracy and I on EatsTV.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-You're watching EatsTV, your home for recipes,
restaurants, and really good food.
Stay tuned for tips from the EatsTV kitchen.
♪♪
-Welcome to EatsTV. [ Laughter ]
Coming up, I'll teach you how to make homemade Panda Express.
Step one, break into a zoo. Step two, steal a panda.
Step three, realize you're in way over your head
and just order Panda Express.
Bon app-- Bon pandatite.
[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
-I've got a great recipe for stumpkin pie.
First, you got to find fresh stumpkin.
But don't get one with a face.
Those stumpkins are scary. [ Laughter ]
I hate scary stumpkins. [ Laughter ]
They's got skeleton teeth. [ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
-My favorite foods in this order are
cheese, chickpeas, peas, chicks, chick cheese.
Did I say peas already?
Quiches, peaches, cheesy Reese's,
beets, beefs -- heck, all the meats --
fries and pies, and wings and thighs
and telling lies.
[ Laughter ]
Noodles, strudels, Fruit Loop kugels.
Yodels...
♪ Yodel-ay-hee-hoo ♪
[ Laughter ] Oh, so hoarse.
My favorite food is horse.
[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
-On Thanksgiving, chew like Chewbacca.
Chewbacca used to my favorite "Star Wars" character,
but then he got behind on his child support payments.
[ Laughter ]
-Tracy, here. -Huh?
-Oh.
We really did this. -No, here. No, here.
[ Laughter ]
Eggs -- Eggs, flour, water, and milk.
-That's what I used to use for birth control.
It doesn't work. [ Laughter ]
I got eight kids off the books.
[ Laughter ]
-The best cooking advice I can give you
is to always use fresh ingredient,
like this lemon that was just picked this morning.
[ Laughter ]
Yummy. I'm glad I'm doing this.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-I call Tony the Tiger Anthony because of the respect
of what he does for breakfast.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-How come the cat food is called Fancy Feast?
Do cats think they're better than me?
Well, guess what, cat, I can eat cat food, too.
I want chicken. I want liver.
I want to sleep in a little basket on top of the heater
and clean myself with my tongue.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-It's not delivery, and it's not DiGiorno.
It's Britney, bitch!
[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
-Don't waste your money on expensive takeout
when you can make a delicious meal right at home.
-I like waffles.
That's why I turned my house into a waffle house.
I sleep on the grille. It burns my buns.
[ Laughter ]
Waffle House burns my buns.
-EatsTV. Who wants seconds?
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Oh. My thanks to Tracy Morgan right there!
[ Cheers and applause ]