Transcriber: Silvia Scandurra Reviewer: Anna Sobota
What does “happily ever after” mean to you?
Is it your dream job?
A happy marriage?
Fame?
Perhaps the better question is
what does “happily ever after” mean?
Essentially, it’s the promise of happiness forever.
And some of you may think that sounds pretty boring
but you’re only half right.
(Laughter from the audience)
From a narrative perspective, sure, happiness is boring.
There is no story if everything is fine all the way through.
But by that logic, evil as excising.
(Laughter)
I think we can agree that after the roller coaster 2020 and 2021
and these past few,
we’ve been having a rough time lately, you get the point.
(Laughter)
I’m sure we can all agree that in real life evil is not exciting
and happiness isn’t boring.
So if happiness is so great, what’s wrong with “happily ever after”?
For a start,
“happily ever after” is static.
Something happens and then everything is okay.
At no point will absolutely everything in your life be okay.
For example, if you step up a line.
(Laughter)
Everyone has problems,
whether that’s a lost sock or an upcoming exam,
and that is completely normal.
I cannot stress enough how normal it is to struggle.
Everybody struggles because everybody finds something hard,
whether that's remembering to dust their room
or pulling themselves away from their phone.
Which is why I prefer “happy after”.
It acknowledges the challenges that life will throw away
in the agency we have in overcoming them because it implies action.
I’d elaborate,
but if I talk to you long, Hook is going to pull me off the stage.
Actually, why shouldn’t it?
This is all pretty trivial stuff, right?
“Happily ever after”, “happy after” -
what’s the point in establishing the difference?
“Happily ever after” isn’t just the phrase,
it’s a mindset.
And then when we take a step back from that mindset,
can we see just how restrictive it is?
For example, “happily ever after” distracts from happiness now.
It's still happiness, isn't it?
Spending time with your friends
or having a free moment just as your favorite program is on?
I think it's good to remind ourselves that happiness doesn't stop just
because we haven't achieved working towards yet.
Happiness doesn’t stop just because things are hard.
If we become too focused on “happily ever after”,
then we can lose sight of these glowing little moments
because we’re so obsessed with the goal ahead of us.
“Happy now” draws your attention to right now?
Because “happily ever after” shouldn’t be the only time
that you’re happy.
It drains the happiness from the “happily ever after” itself.
Whereas “happy now” that you enjoy the journey,
makes the goal that much sweeter.
To be completely honest, I don’t enjoy this next book very much.
But I've never been one to avoid things just because they're hard to say.
Difficult things don’t become less difficult
because we don’t talk about them.
Ignoring hardship doesn't make it go away.
“Happily ever after” avoids the biggest challenge of all, death.
A family member, a friend, a colleague.
The truth is, grief is inevitable and it hurts.
There's no manual for finding closure.
And there's no way to bring your loved one back.
“Happy then” makes the happy moments you can’t get back
less of a burden and more of a relief
because even though grief is completely normal,
it can be a very isolating experience too.
We all feel it and express it differently.
“Happy then” allows you to appreciate what has happened
without it taking away from what is happening now.
So we have “happy after”, “happy now” and “happy then.”
Once upon a time we realized
that our happiness wasn’t dependent on anyone or anything else.
We realized that we could be happy
despite difficulties and people and feelings
as much as we could be happy because of them.
My story is coming to a close
but one more thought to share with you:
If we were happy then,
we’re happy now
and we’re happy after,
then maybe we really don’t need “happily ever after”.
The end.
(Applause from the audience)