- [Anthony] I have a job, so...
- [Jessica] It doesn't mean you're smarter.
- [Kris] Incorrect.
♪ [music] ♪
- Hello. And welcome to Bae vs. Ballplayer.
Today we're gonna find out who knows Kris Bryant the best.
Let's meet our contestants.
First up, we have Anthony.
Anthony, would you tell us more about yourself?
- Hey. What's up? I'm Anthony.
Twenty-nine, from Parkland.
I'm a ballplayer. Go Cubs.
- Alright.
And next, we have a very special guest, my beautiful wife, Jessica.
Jessica, how are you doing today?
- I'm doing great.
Tell us more about yourself.
- Well, married to Kris.
- That's right.
- Sadly.
- What?
- I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.
- I can rig these.
She's a very lovely wife.
I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her.
Today we will be finding out who knows me best
on Bae vs. Ballplayer.
Let's see what our contestants will be playing for today.
- [Announcer] Today's prize is this one-of-a-kind Kris Bryant fleece throw.
- In front of you, you have a whiteboard.
I'm going to ask you a series of questions, and every right answer
gets 100 points.
- Let's go. Good luck.
♪ [music] ♪
- Question number one.
What is Kris Bryant's favorite food?
Don't let me down.
I need this blanket.
- [laughs]
- All right, Anthony, what do you think?
- Pizza. - Pizza.
That is incorrect.
Jess, what do you think?
Steak.
That is...
right! [laughs]
- No! - Yes.
- That's what I was gonna put.
- One hundred points to the Bryants... I mean, Jessica.
Question number two.
What is Kris Bryant's favorite holiday?
♪ [music] ♪
Jess, let's see your answer.
- Christmas. - Christmas.
That is...
another right answer. - [bleep]
A-, Anthony, watch your language over there.
- Halloween. - Halloween?
- Yeah, 'cause you're from Vegas, and you dressed up as a soldier
that one time. - That was awful.
Some friend you are.
- Christmas, I thought you...maybe, like, it wouldn't be Christmas 'cause...
- Some friend.
Question number three.
You guys should both get this one right.
And if you don't, I'll be very disappointed.
What is Kris Bryant's biggest fear?
- Oh. - [laughs] I don't know that either.
- Three, two, one.
Anthony's answer is heights.
Close, but not the right answer.
- Well, then I'm not.
- Jess?
Getting sick.
Wow.
I put flying.
Flying. - Oh, flying.
- Wow, you should've known that.
- Yeah, we should've known that one.
- 'Cause you give me such a hard time every time we fly.
You're comforting. With him,
it's just, "The plane's going down, and we are going to die."
- It's a lot of pressure in this seat over here.
- Question number four.
What is Kris Bryant's biggest pet peeve?
It's a tough one for you, Anthony.
- Your biggest pet peeve.
- My wife doesn't know me.
- Oh, I know.
- Uh, I know, too.
- Okay, answers.
When things aren't straight aligned.
That is perfect.
That is the right answer.
Anthony, what is...?
- Not getting hits. [laughs]
- Not getting hits.
That's more of just a problem.
I don't know about a pet peeve. That's just a big problem.
- Oh. - But, Jess, you get another 100 points.
- Can I double down on this next question?
- Double or nothing, you have nothing.
- Oh.
- When he was a kid, who was Kris Bryant's crush?
- Wait, no.
- Anthony, please go first.
Anthony with the right answer.
- [laughs] - Really? [laughs]
- My crush was Jess.
Yeah.
Me, all right, you got it, too. - Oh.
- I mean, we were kids when we started dating. [laughs]
- We were kids.
- We were kids when we started dating, so...
- She just ripped it right from you.
- Gosh. - I'm sorry, Anthony.
And, uh... - How much do you dig yourself, Jess?
- Jess, I'm proud of you.
- [laughs]
- I think this blanket is going to be in our possession.
And after round one, the score is Anthony 100 points.
Jessica 400 points.
♪ [music] ♪
Now it's time for round two where I put myself in the hot seat.
You will each ask me 3 questions, and the person I choose gets 50 points.
Are you ready?
- Aye, aye, captain. - I can't hear you. [laughs]
- Aye, aye, captain! ♪ Oooooh. ♪
- Who is a better singer, me or your wife?
- You're the better singer, Anthony.
- Thank you. - But it's because you practice.
- I do. I do.
- Who is the better cook?
- You, 100%.
- Yeah. - You don't cook.
Who would you rather talk to when you're in a slump?
I feel like he's got to answer his wife here, but...
- I'm gonna break this up.
You each are gonna get 25 points.
- [laughs] - 'Cause I am the boss of this show.
You take my mind off baseball.
You keep it on baseball, but in a good way.
- Thanks, Kris.
- You're welcome.
- Who do you think is smarter?
- You. - [laughs]
- Because you actually have a college education.
- That's true. - You only went to high school.
And you didn't do too great in high school.
- Jess, are you employed? - No.
- Um, I have a job. I'm employed.
So that means... - It doesn't mean you're smarter.
- ...I'm smarter.
- You think baseball players are smart?
- Who looks better in a swimsuit?
- My wife.
- It's okay. [laughter]
- What do you do, wearing a Speedo or something?
- Yeah. - Yeah, definitely my wife, then.
- Who can hit a baseball further?
- You can hit a baseball further.
- Because I needed points somehow, alright.
- You do, you do.
After two rounds, the score is Anthony 225 and Jessica 575.
[applause]
- Anthony, in this round, I'm going to ask you 10 questions.
For every right answer, you get 50 points.
Are you ready?
- I'm ready. Let's go.
- Do I like big spoon or little spoon?
- You like to be the big spoon. [ding]
- Do I prefer scary movies or rom coms?
- Rom coms. [ding]
- Do I dance at a wedding or stay seated?
- You dance. [buzzer]
- Would I rather sky dive or eat a cricket?
- Eat a cricket. [buzzer]
- Do I prefer hot dogs or pizza?
- Pizza. [ding]
- Do I like hip hop or country?
- Country. [buzzer]
- Do I like cardio or lifting weights?
- Lifting weights. [ding]
- What do I think is a better city, Chicago or St. Louis?
- Chicago. [ding]
- [laughs] Is my birthday in December or January?
- January 4th, 1992. [ding]
- Oh, man, that's creepy.
Do I want Bae to win or Ballplayer to win?
- Bae. [ding]
- At least you know.
Alright, Anthony got six answers right, bringing his total to 525.
There's absolutely no way he can win, but I'm gonna ask you these questions
anyway to see how well you know me.
Sixty seconds on the clock.
Do I like big spoon or little spoon?
- Big spoon. [ding]
- Do I prefer scary movies or rom coms?
- Rom coms. [ding]
- Do I dance at a wedding or stay seated?
- Stay seated. [ding]
- Would I rather sky dive or eat a cricket?
- Eat a cricket. [buzzer]
- Do I prefer hot dogs or pizza?
- Pizza. [ding]
- Do I like hip hop or country?
- Country. [buzzer]
- Do I like cardio or lifting weights?
- Lifting weights. [ding]
- Good.
What do I think is a better city, Chicago or St. Louis?
- Chicago. [ding] [laughs]
- Is my birthday in December or January?
- January. [ding]
- Do I want Bae to win or Ballplayer to win?
- Bae.
- Yeah. [ding]
That's right.
With a final score of 975, the winner is Jess.
[applause]
- Congratulations on winning this beautiful throw.
Congratulations. - Thanks.
- Now I'm with you even when I'm not. - [laughs]
- That's it for today, folks.
Thanks for joining us on...
- [Together] Bae vs. Ballplayer.
[applause]
♪ [music] ♪