- I can't choose any of you guys to be the mole, like...
- This is gonna be the hardest thing.
- Like even me, myself, like, it's like,
I think I'm the mole, honestly.
(calm hip-hop music)
- So I think we just talk about our disabilities.
- I, I prefer disorder.
- Disorder, yeah.
I was diagnosed in middle school
and then I transitioned to a school
for people on the spectrum.
Once I graduated middle school and went to that school
I kind of really enjoyed where I was at and everything.
This is really hard 'cause there's like
so many eyes on me already.
It's just, it's just taken a while to accept
that I have a disorder.
There's people who I've met myself who say,
"you have autism".
And my family would be like,
"did you tell 'em you have an...
did you tell 'em you have a disability?"
No, I don't think I need to.
But reality, it really does help to know
that I do have autism.
- They first suspected me
of being autistic when I was five,
but they, they were, they hesitated to diagnose me
because I was too intelligent.
- I mean that's a compliment right there.
Being too intelligent.
- I feel like in some ways it was a little bit of an insult.
- I was diagnosed at the age of two.
I don't see it as a disorder or a disability because
I don't see my autism as something
that's negatively affected my life.
'Cause like, I like who I am, I like the way I think
and I don't want to change a single thing about myself.
- Honestly. Like being here is like we have to...
Oh, go ahead Amanda. Sorry. I've spoken so much.
- I personally see autism as a disability.
I have a master's in disability studies.
The medical model of disability inherently says
that autism and any other disability is within our own fault
and that we are the cause of the disability.
But the social model of disability says
that society is the cause of the disability.
So autism is a disability
because society is not made for me.
That disability comes from without, not within.
I grew up autistic and deaf and I grew up feeling
like I was such an outcast and, and you know,
and I was the odd one out.
Oh hey, I just used the name of the show! That was fun.
- I was diagnosed when I was four years old
and um, it's um, you know, like it's,
it's always been a difficult process for me.
You know, like basically growing up, you know,
going to school and everything.
You know that people don't perceive me as this normal guy.
So I figure, I figure if I'm gonna be this autistic person
you know, like might as well be
the best autistic person that I can be.
You know, I always...
- Preach!
- Yeah, I mean I always try my best to excel in school.
You know, I always tend to be like one of the smartest,
smartest kid in school, you know.
You know that's a whole stereotype.
- I would consider myself a late bloomer.
I was diagnosed at the age of 22.
I went most of my life always knowing
that there was, there's something different about me,
but I couldn't put my finger on it.
The reason why I only got diagnosed this year
was because I recently moved
to a large metropolitan area that has many resources
and so that was one of the best decisions
I've ever made in my life
because I have access to therapy
and I was finally able to get an answer
that I was always looking for.
I really, really struggled to fit in.
I really struggled to be able to come up with
the right words to get other kids to want to talk to me.
And so I, I stood out pretty badly
and that continued throughout
my entire time in grade school.
I remember first feeling what depression was
when I was around six.
- So when I was in university
they make us do these psychological studies
'cause I was studying psychology
and they have different things you can apply for
and I noticed one of them was
they were studying autism in women,
specifically like people who are older.
So I applied and that was how I got my diagnosis
which was like, I was 21 then.
My wife and like one of my friends
are actually the only people that know I've been diagnosed.
So, surprise, family or friends, anyone who's watching!
It was like an eye opener.
It was kind of bittersweet 'cause it was like,
I'm happy now. I have answers to all things
that were going on before that I thought there was,
might have been something wrong with me.
- There is nothing wrong with you, okay? You're amazing.
- I agree with that.
- [Sophia] Thank you. I agree with that. I, I agree.
I agree now.
- Chai, go ahead, yeah.
- Yeah. I was diagnosed with aut when I was a child
but I didn't know I was autistic 'cause I mean
as a 2, 3, 4, year old, I mean,
I don't know how one even knows
what's supposed to be up with them.
So it, it's definitely hard to like,
to speak in a group situation
'cause I can never tell the rules of like how,
like when to talk and when to speak up.
It's kinda like just jumping in like
right when you're kind of feeling like it.
Plus I've also blocked a lot of my childhood memories
from trauma.
- Trauma. (laughs)
- And so I lived my whole life
just wondering why I couldn't connect to people.
Understand each other. - Understand feelings, yeah.
- Yeah. Can I ask you guys a question about like
what... what stimulation, stimulants like,
do you guys like chew gum
or do you guys like, have anything that you guys
do specifically to like, keep you guys calm
or keep you guys...
Go ahead Amanda.
- The color pink!
- The color pink. Okay.
(group murmuring in agreement)
- It's my favorite color in the whole world.
My whole room is pink at home.
My bed is pink.
My bed's back is pink.
My pillows are pink and my rug is pink
and my carpet is pink.
And I even have a framed pink picture.
And most of my clothes are pink.
I love pink, it's the best color in the whole world.
- Okay, okay. I've never heard someone...
- [Darius] I love blue too.
- I like blue too, but pink is better.
- Oh, okay. (laughs)
- I mean, it's subjective.
- How do you guys feel about the term high functioning?
- [Amanda] I don't like that term at all.
- I don't really think about it too much.
- I don't think I think about it either.
That much either.
- Autism is too much of a spectrum.
So many people with autism have
so many different experiences.
- I can't choose any of you guys to be the mole, like...
- This is gonna be the hardest thing.
- Even me, myself, like, it's like,
I think I'm the mole, honestly.
- Oh my God. They were like, "try to find the mole".
And we're like, "maybe there's none".
- There's no mole!
- Even the person who's neurotypical
might just be an undiagnosed autistic.
(group laughing and murmuring in agreement)
- Like damn, all this relates, wait a second... huh.
- The mole might not be neurotypical.
Just because someone doesn't have autism doesn't mean...
The mole could have like ADHD or OCD.
- That's true.
- And could be overlapping the symptoms that are,
that could be associated with autism as well.
- My kid has a genetic condition that is not autism
but does manifest behaviorally and neurologically
in many ways that are similar to autism.
So when, when people interact with my kid
they often see an autistic child
but my kid doesn't, isn't autistic.
- Does autism run in any of your guys' family?
- I realize I was autistic 'cause my half-brother,
he's like, he's five years old.
Well I guess he's eight, seven now.
Whoops. I don't know his age.
(group laughing)
But like I, I see him, I'm like, "huh?
Wasn't I like that when I was a kid?"
My mom was like, "yeah, yeah,
'cause we thought we thought you were autistic too".
And I was like, "what?"
I had to found out that my,
that my youngest nephew was just recently diagnosed
with autism as well.
So, but luckily he had an uncle who had already experienced
some of everything that he's going to experience.
- That's awesome.
- And I could be a mentor towards him.
- Yeah. My dad is an undiagnosed autistic. Sorry, Dad.
(group laughing)
- Go go, go ahead.
- Do you ever like wake up and feel like you're not autistic
and like, or like you have a disability,
you're like, "this is just me", like...
- Yes.
- [Darius] No way.
- It's called masking.
- I think I could be seen as neurotypical passing sometimes
because I try to hide as much symptoms as possible.
'Cause I was trained to do so at a very early age.
- People that don't have experience
with others who have autism,
they expect us to stand out and that's not always the case.
You know, I mean we all, we all look like humans.
- I think you can blame that partly on, you know, the media,
how they portray us.
- We don't really have a good representation.
- [Kasian] No we don't.
- What that movie with Dustin Hoffman, you know?
Rain Man, you know?
Yeah. Where like, where, you know
you having, you being on the spectrum,
all it may mean, you're good at gambling.
I wish I was good at gambling or something.
- None of them have the same experiences that I do.
So there's no way to have pinpointed,
"oh this person is more quiet,
this person is more socially awkward".
There's no way to tell who was autistic or not.
- [Narrator] On the count of three,
will the mole please raise their hand?
1, 2, 3.
(group gasping)
- Oh!
- Who could have seen that coming?
I totally didn't see that coming.
- I was shook.
- I was like, no it cannot be her.
It can't, it can't be her.
- I never would've guessed.
- I actually didn't lie about anything.
I just flipped out autism with FASD
and it stands for Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder.
I was exposed to alcohol when I was inside my mom
in the womb for the first five months.
And you can kind of think of FASD as a spectrum,
just like ASD.
- Even though she might not have been autistic,
there are a lot of overlaps between autism
and many other neurological disabilities.
- FASD is never, never talked about.
I've never met a single person
who shares that diagnosis with me.
- What differences do you see between
people with autism versus?
- I actually see a ton of similarities
and I, I wouldn't wanna, you know
discredit anybody's else's experience,
but autism does run in my family very heavily.
My dad has autism.
I have a sister that has autism
and I have quite a few cousins who have autism
and I also have quite a few friends who have autism.
- Damn, we're not your first.
(group laughing)
- The autism community accepts you.
- I love you guys.
- Getting a diagnosis can be a whirlwind of emotions.
As long as you stay true to yourself
I promise you everything's gonna end up okay.
- We are more than the label that defines us.
At each leap, what we have is a whole spectrum.
- A diagnosis does not define somebody.
Everybody is completely unique.
Whether you're neurotypical or neurodivergent.
- Thank you so much. - Thank you!
(group clapping and cheering)