But I realized something.
I was focused on
the negative my whole life.
I was always upset,
always frustrated
'cause I was always
looking at what I didn't do
or what I couldn't do or
what they couldn't do.
Or what they didn't do
or what they should do,
but not anymore.
Not anymore.
Now I'm just looking
at what I can do.
(audience applauding)
'Cause look what I can do.
Look at that.
(audience laughing)
I'm the boss of my body.
Look at that.
(audience laughing)
We don't wake up every morning
and get out of bed.
Like, holy cow, look at this,
it's all working,
thank you, Jesus.
(audience laughing)
I could put my left foot in
and my left foot out.
And you know what?
That's what it's all about.
(audience laughing)
We can live with
so much more freedom, right?
Have fun.
We could wake up every day
and give ourselves a new walk.
Wouldn't that be fun?
You'd go to work.
Hey Jen, how's it going?
(audience laughing)
It's me, Paul.
Right?
Every day, you got the boss
telling you what to do,
Well maybe he didn't
tell you how to do it.
Right?
Sure, I'll get that for you.
Mr. Boss man.
Might take awhile,
today I'm a sea turtle.
(audience laughing)
The journey, not the destination.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, but I try to stay positive.
Know what I've been doing lately?
My motto, my affirmation.
I wanna find good news in everything
'cause you can.
What you focus on grows.
I wanna find good news in everything.
Like, for instance,
about six months ago
I had my license revoked.
Yeah.
Unpaid tickets in the '80s.
But here's the good news.
(audience laughing)
Here's the good news.
I just saved the bundle
on my car insurance.
(audience laughing)
There's good news in everything,
I'm telling you.
I just found out I have bedbugs.
Hey no, here's the good news.
My in-laws only stay for one night.
(audience laughing)
There's good news in everything.
If you're over 50,
all the music you love
is in the Dollar Bin.
(audience laughing)
Right? Yeah. When I sit,
If I sit for more than 20 minutes,
my back goes out.
The good news, every 15 minutes
I have to get up to pee.
(audience laughing)
There's good news in everything.
I try to be positive,
but you know what?
My first thought is always negative.
I always think the worst
and then I make
the best out of that.
Anyone else do that?
I'm like a paranoid optimist.
(audience laughing)
It's The Murphy's law of spirituality.
Anything that can go wrong
will go wrong.
But it's all for the best,
(audience laughing)
But like as a kid,
the only way I was able
to get to sleep
was convincing myself that
the monster under my bed
could beat the crap out of
the boogeyman in the closet.
(audience laughing)
But to this day,
that's the way my mind works.
If I get a headache
within 10 minutes.
Oh no.
Oh, that's a tumor.
That's a tumor.
Just when my life starts taking off,
I get a tumor.
I convince myself, I have a tumor.
Then I say, Paul, whoa, hold on.
Maybe it's a tumor.
Maybe you might be the first one
that gets a good tumor. Right?
They discovered good cholesterol,
good fat.
They might discover it.
Doctor's gonna be like, "Mr. Lyons,
"we can't believe it,
"your tumor burns fat
"and builds muscle.
(audience laughing)
"In two weeks, you'll be fit as a fiddle."
(audience laughing)
Right, then I start thinking,
wow, they're going
to name the tumor after me.
I can have a famous tumor.
There's Lou Gehrig's disease.
Doctor's gonna be like,
"Sir, you got Paul Lyon's tumor."
What's that?
"It's an abnormal growth
"in consciousness."
(audience laughing)
You're gonna find good news
in everything.
But doc, what about
these heart palpitations?
"Why, that's opportunity knocking?