Hey.
Do you have a minute?
I'd like to talk to you about something
I'm really uncomfortable talking about.
Sure.
How about, uh, you showering with your mom?
I actually had a topic in mind.
I'm kind of going through a dry spell... sex-wise.
Oh. For, like, months?
Five, to be... lying. Six.
Six months?
Whoa, that's rough.
Please help me.
I have a date tonight.
It has to go well, okay?
I'm scared for my health.
Okay, okay. Um, ooh, oh, I got something.
Okay, it's this story that I came up with.
Very romantic.
I swear, any woman that hears it, they're like putty.
Really? Well, then, tell it to me.
Okay. Now, you're going
to want to have sex with me when you hear it
but you have to remember, it is just the story.
I'll try to control myself.
Okay.
( clearing throat)
Years ago, when I was backpacking
across Western Europe...
You were backpacking across Western Europe?
Have a nice six more months, Ross.
Okay, okay! I'm sorry.
Please, please, you were in Western Europe and...?
I was just outside of Barcelona
hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo.
I was at the end of this path
and I came to a clearing
and there was a lake, very secluded
and there were tall trees all around.
It was dead silent, gorgeous.
And, across the lake
I saw a beautiful woman bathing herself
but she was crying.
Why?
Mmm! This is great wine.
It's from France.
In Europe.
Western Europe.
You know, um, a few years ago
uh, actually, I was backpacking
across Western Europe.
Really? Mm-hmm. Wait.
It gets better.
Um, yeah, I was in, um, Barcelona.
I studied for a year in Barcelona.
Anyway, so, I was... um... I was hiking...
I love hiking.
Ahhh! That's great!
I was hiking along the foothills
of Mount Tibidabo...
I think it's Tiba-DAH-bo.
Okay, do you want to tell the story?!
Whoa.
What are you doing here? How'd your date go?
Great. I'm across the street having sex with her right now.
The story sucks!
Hey, look, if it didn't work
it's 'cause you didn't tell it right.
Show me how you did it.
No. No, I don't want to.
How long since you've seen a girl naked?
I was backpacking across Western Europe...
I'm not feeling it.
I was just outside of Barcelona, hiking...
No, no, Ross-- I'm not hot.
Are you hot?
It's been six months.
I'm always hot.
Well, you're not selling the story.
It's like you don't believe it.
Look, I got to go.
I got a date.
But try this-- do what I do
when I'm preparing for an audition.
I'll set you up with my video camera
and you can record yourself and see what you're doing wrong.
I'll try that.
All right, now...
you're all set up.
Just hit "record," all right? Good luck.
Thanks.
And, hey, Joe, listen--
If you ever have any problem with the ladies
you know I'll help you out.
That means a lot to me, man.