(smooth jazz music)
- Pors-shwiz!
- [Man] Porsche.
- Shut the (beep) up.
Porch was founded in 1931,
when the new car average price was $640.
That wouldn't even get you that many tacos nowadays.
Porsche started off by doing motor vehicle development
and designed the Volkswagen Beetle.
You don't say.
They also made some tanks, but those, they (beep) suck.
They're no good, no taste.
Stick to Beetles, Porsche.
Stick to the Beetle, thunder bug.
The Porsche Boxster, I mean 996,
came in onto the scene in 1997.
This is also the same year Mike Tyson
bit a guys ear while boxing him.
Kinda like Porsche bit the front end off the Boxster
and just put it on 996.
Oh, it's in the ears.
Now, I'm gonna start peeing on the 2001
Porsche 911 turbo was $111,000.
(smooth jazz music)
You could get 19,856 fiesta taco salads
from Taco Dinger for that.
Easy choice.
Making (farts) 415 horse power for a 111 grand sounds wacko
and equals $267 per horse power.
I did the math.
Today we sit down with an owner, and have a good old chat.
Driver to driver.
(upbeat sax music)
So, we've got wheels, tires, suspension.
(metal clangs) fitmentindustries.com
(metal clangs) Today, we're here
with Triguno.
Let's not beat around the bush,
how much you pay for that glorified punch bug?
- (laughs) He doesn't hit me.
- (beep) wrapped on. - Hey, hey, whoa, whoa.
It is a little bit-- - How much you pay
for that bad boy?
- Oh, 53,000.
- All right, so,
we got that outta-- - How many gordito
crunch wrap supremes? - It's in the math,
you don't need to know
everything. - Cheesy rollups?
It'll be about 50,000 without tax.
- Do you like Taco Bell? - I love Taco Bell.
- What's your favorite item at Taco Bell?
- Cheesy rollup. - Why, what?
- Because it's a cheesy rollup.
- There's nothing in it.
It's just cheese rolled up.
- Let me, let me surprise you with something.
Cheesy rollups are always a solid.
You ever been to different Taco Bells,
where the quality is completely inconsistent?
You can't mess up a tortilla and a cheese.
- When you're at the lowest amount of quality,
it just pretty standard
across the board. - That's true.
That's why you go to Taco John's.
Potato Oles.
- I'm this close to just leaving this interview
right now, 'cause you just--
- I was thinking about hitting you,
before I even sat down,
'cause of how much I hate you. - All right, all right.
Is it Porsche-a, or is it Porsche?
- If you own one and you're talking to somebody
that owns one, it's a Porsche.
- Porch. - To the rest of the world,
it's a porch.
But it doesn't make anybody mad.
- I feel you get a little upset about it.
- I don't.
- Little bit?
- No.
- I feel you judge somebody that says Porsche, or porch.
- No, I don't care. - Okay, all right.
Good to know.
Did your hairline start
receding before or after-- - Oh, here we go,
I knew it was coming.
You see, this is why-- - The Porsche?
- I'm so very glad that I asked,
how far were you gonna go into the insults,
so I could just gauge from my list
of what I could throw back at you.
- Okay, you made a list. - What was the question,
I wasn't listening to you?
(heart beating)
One more time. - Did your hairline
start receding before or after you bought the Porsche?
- Before.
When I was building my Datsun, that's when it started.
- Okay, see, that's all I'm fricking asking.
- I just couldn't hear you. - You don't have to make
every question difficult.
- I'm not, I'm sorry.
- So, why do you like Volkswagen, sorry, Porsche, so much?
What about these Porsche luxury, Taco John's cars
do you like so much? - What makes 'em good?
Well, it's yeah, I mean, their good.
I don't know they're fantastic.
They're a great driving platform.
They behave very well.
They're fast, they're quick, controlled.
They're not very exciting to look at, like actually.
- They depreciate quite a bit.
- Yeah, they do. - A lot.
- Not really though.
Air-cooled cars are
still very expensive.
- What was the MSRP of your car?
- Like a 135, I think.
- And you bought it for what?
- 50.
- That's a 34% depreciation on a car that's a $135,000.
It's not that bad.
- It's in the math.
- Actual math. - That is pretty bad, though.
All right, all right.
- How much was your car now?
- All right, so you bought a car that had good paint,
wrapped it to look like it had (beep) paint.
- Correct. - Then you bought
a clap Ferrari, that had worse paint then your hairline,
(heart beating)
do you just got a thing for (beep) paint,
or what is going on?
Do you just really enjoy bad paint?
- I just thought to myself,
what could I do in the middle of wintertime,
that would be a terrible financial decision,
and so we bought the 430.
With the 911, I figured, let's just do something fun,
'cause I never really do anything
that's like outside the box.
So we did a distress wrap, it's pretty fun.
It's different, you know.
It's like, why do you gauge your ears?
- Why'd I do that?
- Yeah. - I did it when I 16.
- Still living with that.
- Well, I'm stuck with it, brother.
(both laugh)
It's there.
I just gotta live with it, but I don't know,
I guess I'd rather have (beep) earlobes, than (beep) paint.
Enough out of me, let's here from
our extremely cool loyal YouTube community.
(game show music)
- Don't forget to hit us up over at
fitmentindustries.(beep).
- ChiCarGuy12 doesn't care you host So You Want
and wants to know,
does the car community shame you for having the 996,
the worst generation for 911?
- No.
- Why?
- I don't think a lot of people like 996's
because they have the funky headlighhts.
But if you look at a lot of different,
like the GT4 right now, and a lot of non-911's
all feature weird headlights.
I think it's just like,
it was the first year that the 996
came water-cooled from air-cooled
so it was controversial by nature.
But I think a lot of people have actually grown out of that.
Like, they're actually working back there.
- Pardon? - We're trying to have
a delicate discussion.
- Very intelligent conversation.
- With Dakota.
That usually happens.
The 996 is, I would say that the 996,
if I were to like compare it to
what a lot of people have said
in terms of like reliability and stuff like that,
the 996 is pretty bullet proof.
I mean, it's a really good car.
The 997.1's you're better off getting a 996.2.
The 997.2 is pretty good.
The 991.1 is not that good.
- Why do they have all these points?
Why is there all
these decimal cars? - Because there's usually
two face lifts or two versions within a generation.
You have a 991.1 and then a 991.2,
the new 992, that's a pretty good looking car.
That's a 911.
- There's too many numbers for me.
- [Alex] But it's in the math.
- I don't know about that.
And don't take my lines.
Orange I asks, "What inspired the wrap on your car,
"and what does the number 17 represent to you?"
- The wrap was just,
we took a a look at one of the Porsche Cup liveries
and we thought-- - Is it like a car
that got destroyed?
- When cars go on race tracts sometimes damage does occur.
- Like that?
- Yeah, I mean a little bit.
- I don't know what
you're racing. - You go to a lot
of race tracks before?
- I've seen plenty of races and--
- You go to a race track
in person? - There's not too many people
that look like that. - You go in person?
- I've had a few races in person.
- How many?
- Probably, four.
How many have you been to?
- Like four.
I was trying to say that neither of us have been to a lot.
But now you just (beep) ruined the whole thing.
Thanks.
What was the question?
(both laugh)
- You're getting too off track here!
What's the point of the wrap?
What's the point of the number?
- Your question was about the wrap and the number.
- It's not my question, it's the community.
- We just wanted to do something different
and we took a look at a livery kit that was made
for the 2019 Porsche Cup car.
And we said well what would it look like if
it was done in 2001?
And then what would happen if that was kept on the car
for like 19 years?
And that's what we got, was that distressed livery look.
And the number 17 was the year
that my wife and I got married.
- Aw. - Love.
- Love. - Straight love.
- There's a 17 love.
HALCYON's trying to look cuter than Ron Wesley and asks,
"What box dye does Alex use for his hair?"
- You're never supposed box dye your hair.
My wife will tell you that specifically.
Don't do it, bad idea.
Don't box hair, doesn't matter how much money you save.
- Did you find that out the hard way?
- No. - (laughing) Oh.
- I just have learned.
- Oh. - Just don't do it.
Rapidshot asks, "Okay, how reliable is it?"
- It's pretty reliable, it's actually very reliable.
It's the most reliable vehicle in the world.
No, it's not.
It's actually very reliable.
- I was gonna say, what the hell?
- It's really good.
The turbos don't have an IMS bearing issue,
so you don't have to worry about that.
Turbos are good, I mean the motor was still--
- I'm sure it's pretty reliable that you never drive it.
- It is also more reliable when you don't drive it, yeah.
- I've seen you drive it like four times,
and I've seen it in the shop like six times, so.
- It's because I, you know, I work on things and--
- Work on what, it doesn't move?.
- [Alex] You see how tight that fitment is, brother?
- No. - Doesn't just happen
by itself. - That doesn't--
- Sorry not all of us can have air suspension.
Static life.
- You can't rep static life
and still be three feet off the ground.
- Yeah I can.
Function.
(heart beating)
- I'm up to here with you.
(laughs)
This close and I'm cuttin' it!
Joe De Rue asks,
"Does it come with a golf bag
"and membership to a country club?"
- I don't golf.
It comes with an authenticity card,
if you're looking for weird things.
- Arin Bolunmez wants to know,
"How does having a more expensive car factor in
"when you want to indulge in aftermarket accessories
"that may bring the value down on a more luxury vehicle,
"slash, how do you rationalize it in your mind
"coming from a economical stand point?"
- I feel like he should have been the one here
asking the questions, not you.
- If you love him so much, why don't you marry him?
- His were well more thought out.
We could replace--
- His were well more thought out.
- We could, send in your resume.
- You know who picked that question?
Big daddy Dakota, that's who picked that question,
now answer it.
- You can do mods to pretty much anything,
and as long as you have the parts with the vehicle to sell,
you won't lose that much.
You'll lose a lot if you have a good chunk of mods
and higher miles on the car.
- All right.
Monacom asks, "Who pissed in your headlights?"
(laughing) - Wow.
That's not very nice.
- Why'd you cover it up the scrambled egg headlights?
- I don't know, 'cause it looked fun.
- It looked better?
- I don't know if it looked better.
It's got HIDs, I think it actually looked better.
- Why yellow?
- Because that's the GT color class for the headlights.
- In pee.
(screen statics)
So what do y'all have done to your front porch?
- Turbos, intercooler, exhaust, tune, Moton Club sports,
electronic dampers, Brembo brakes.
- And how much of that did you do to it?
- I did the tune, we did the pinned coolant lines,
we revised the intake and the exhaust,
and then I think the only thing that came with the car
would be the GT28 turbos and the injectors.
And a couple other things here and there.
Like the GT two seats and stuff in there came with the car.
The molded speaker case thing in the back,
came with the car. - Subwoofer.
How much would you say you have into it?
- Wheels and tires.
- That's it?
- Yeah, it's mostly just labor.
(heart beating)
The tune was probably like 1000 bucks.
- That's an expensive (beep) tune, what the hell?!
- It's a good tune.
- Was it like dyno tune?
- No. - Don't tell me
it was just some flash tune.
- It's not a flash tune. - Okay.
- But it's a good tune.
- For 1000 bucks I hope so.
Christ, Jesus. - I'm sorry.
- Porsche owners just got money
just coming out of your pee-filled headlights.
How come you have all that stuff done to it
but you don't drive it?
- That's a good question.
- [Dakota] I know, I'm a good smart guy.
- Yeah, you didn't ask that one though.
- Yes I did. - All your questions
have been terrible.
- That was my question.
- Oh was it? - Where've you been?
- I take it all back.
That was a terrible question. - Tricked him.
Who's the real smarty pants now?
(Alex laughs)
(saxophone music)
What issues have you had with the car?
- When you come up here
and you sit down-- - With the car.
- And you grab your miniature saxophone
in your Ronald McDonald shoes,
do you think to yourself, today is the day?
Today is the day that I'm really gonna shine.
- You think just 'cause your shoelaces
go different than everybody else's,
you're better than everybody else or what?
- No, not really.
- You came here to judge a man's shoes?
I'm talking about your car.
- Oh. - What issues have you had
with the car, Alex?
- None, not really.
I had a boost leak. - So you want
piss-filled headlights?
- I like it, looks nice.
- What's been wrong with it?
- There's been some times where there's been
an overboost that we had to fix
'cause we had one of the diverter valves break.
- Tell me more.
I know more's been going wrong with it.
- There's really, I mean, that is the issue.
We went to tune it and then we had an O-ring that popped out
of one of the diverter valves
that was causing a boost leak,
so that it would over boost and go into limp mode.
So, we had to tear apart the top end
or the top diverter valve, and get it fixed.
That would probably be the issue.
- Are you happy you went with the porch
or do you wish you went with something with worse paint?
- I am happy with my car, I really like it.
- Is that why it's for sale?
- I mean, in terms of like, wanting to like drive it more,
I think that would be the only thing
I'd really wanna do more is just drive it.
But, I do enjoy 'em.
They're not bad, there's been nothing really majorly
wrong with it.
The 2001s are fine.
What do you think was wrong with it?
- Piss-filled in the headlights.
- That's it?
- I just thought you had more issues with it
'cause you never ever drive it.
- I just don't drive it, I just never have time.
It's stuck, look!
- I got in it once and I stalled it right away.
Is that why you don't drive it?
Is the clutch just finicky?
(machines whirring in the background)
Probably working on a porch.
It's literally parked in a spot
where you couldn't even take it out
if you wanted to right now.
- I know, that's the worst part.
Is like I was even gonna take the other one,
the old, the '82 today and I was like
that doesn't have heat.
So, I can't take that, so then I just took the--
- So you have a bunch of porches
and you don't drive any of 'em?
- Well-- - You just drive the (beep)
Silverado everywhere.
- Gets 'er done, you know?
- Last question of the day.
- (laughs) You're lyin'.
- Do you have any advice
for someone wanting to get a Beetle?
- Yes, I have a lot of advice.
- Okay, I'm ready. - For somebody that
doesn't want to get a Beetle.
So, if you get a 996,
don't get anything besides the turbo if you can.
The IMS bearings grenade in a 996 generation
and will cause a complete engine tear down.
997.1s and 996s, 996.2s are very very similar,
and so you can actually get a better bang for your buck
if you get like a 2001, 2002 turbo,
versus getting a 997 variant
'cause those are like 80 grand right now.
With the 991.1s, those have this weird engine malfunction.
Porsche, I think it was a 991,
that they guaranteed up to 100,000 miles.
- You said they're really reliable?
- They are, but there's so may trims in the lineage.
- And they changed the engine in all of them?
- Yeah, so there's a 3.6, a 3.8, a 4.0, 3.2, three liter.
991.1s don't buy those unless you have the warranty.
Otherwise if your motor grenades, you're (beep) out of luck.
And--
(blows saxophone)
- You're cut off, no more.
I mean that about wraps up,
thanks for Alex Tectives coming on the show
and talking about his back porch.
Don't forget wheels, tires, spaghetti.
fitmentindustries.(metal clangs).
(Alex laughs)
It was fun talking about your porch.
- What was the name of that guy so I can send him a resume?
- I don't know.
I'd have to look back at my notes.
I have very sensitive notes.
I don't have time to go back, talk to you.
- I can't believe they pay you for this.
(smooth jazz music)