BUT THE PRESIDENT HAS BEEN CONSISTENT ON ONE THING:
BRAGGING ABOUT THE STOCK MARKET.
BUT IT'S SHOWN A LOT OF VOLATILITY LATELY, IN PART
BECAUSE FIRMS NATIONWIDE ARE WORRIED ABOUT THE RISING HIT
FROM TRUMP'S STEEP TARIFFS.
FOR A WHILE ON WEDNESDAY, THE DOW FELL SO FAR, IT ERASED ALL
OF THE GAINS FROM 2018.
WE'RE BACK WHERE WE WERE AT THE END OF 2017, WHICH MEANS IT'S
TIME TO START EATING TIDE PODS AGAIN.
( LAUGHTER )
DON'T DO THAT AT HOME.
>> Stephen: NO LETTERS.
NO LETTERS.
DON'T DO THAT.
BUT IN AN INTERVIEW WITH "THE WALL STREET JOURNAL" THIS WEEK,
TRUMP DENIED EVERYTHING.
WHEN THE REPORTER SAID, "A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY THAT TARIFFS ARE
REALLY THE BIGGEST THREAT TO THE ECONOMY LONG TERM."
TRUMP REPLIED, "WE DON'T HAVE ANY TARIFFS."
( LAUGHTER )
YOU'RE THE TARIFF GUY.
AND NOW YOU'RE SAYING THEY DON'T EXIST?
"WE DON'T HAVE ANY TARIFFS.
AND TO BE PERFECTLY FRANK, I'M NOT REAL EITHER.
I AM A PROJECTION OF YOUR I.D.
IN A DREAM YOU'RE HAVING AFTER BINGEING 'BLACK MIRROR' ON
DAYQUIL."
PRETTY DARK.
PRETTY DARK VISION OF THE FUTURE.
PRETTY--"
BUT THE PRESIDENT WASN'T DONE DENYING REALITY.
HE TOLD THE REPORTER, "I MEAN, OTHER THAN SOME TARIFFS ON
STEEL-- WHICH IS ACTUALLY SMALL-- WHAT DO WE HAVE?
I DIDN'T PUT TARIFFS.
WHERE DO WE HAVE TARIFFS?
WE DON'T HAVE TARIFFS ANYWHERE.
WE DON'T HAVE TARIFFS.
WHERE DO WE HAVE TARIFFS?
I'M TALKING TARIFFS.
I'LL USE TARIFFS.
I MEAN IT.
THERE'S NO TARIFFS."
"TARIFF.
TARIFF.
IT'S NOT TARIFF TIME, BECAUSE THERE'S NO TIME FOR TARIFFS.
I'M THE TARIFF SHERIFF, AND THE SHERIFF HATES THE TERRIBLE
TARIFFS.
♪ I DROPPED THE TARIFF BUT I DID NOT DROP THE SUBSIDY ♪
AAAANYWAY, WE HAVE FUN.
WHAT DAY IS IT?
WHO ARE YOU?" I SMELL TOAST."
HE-- HE SOUNDS HIGH.
( LAUGHTER )
OF MEDICAL MARIJUANA IS A BIG MIDTERM-- ONE HIGH PERSON IS
HERE TONIGHT.
THEY KNOW I'M HIGH!
>> Jon: THEY'RE FROM CANADA!
>> Stephen: "IS HE GOG EAT ALL THAT LETTUCE?"
( LAUGHTER )
IN A LOT OF STATES, INCLUDING UTAH.
BUT BEFORE THE BIG VOTE, ONE STATE LAWMAKER WANTED TO TRY THE
WACKY WEED FOR HIMSELF.
SO STATE SENATOR JIM DEBAKIS TOOK A TRIP TO LAS VEGAS TO GET
A TASTE OF UTAH'S FUTURE AND STREAMED IT ON FACEBOOK.
>> I DON'T THINK THERE'S A SENATOR THAT'S USED MARIJUANA.
I THINK MAYBE NOBODY HAS EVER SMOKED MARIJUANA, AND WE'RE
GOING TO MAKE THE LAWS.
SO AS GREAT SACRIFICE, WITHOUT ANY TAXPAYER DOLLARS, I DECIDED
TO COME TO LAS VEGAS AND SEE WHAT THE WHOLE FOLDEROL IS
ABOUT.
NOW, I HAVE TO ADMIT, SOMEWHAT SHYLY, I HAVE NEVER TASTED,
SMOKED, EATEN, SHOT UP MARIJUANA IN MY LIFE."
( LAUGHTER )
NEVER JOKED IT, SMOKED IT, OR MIDNIGHT-TOKED IT."
DEBAKIS OPTED FOR THE POT GUMMY BEARS, THE EDIBLES.
AND HE WAS SURE TO GET A TUTORIAL FROM THE LOCAL
WEEDSMITH FIRST.
>> SO THE GUY SAID, "TRY IT.
TAKE A HALF OF ONE, IF YOU'VE NEVER TRIED IT BEFORE, AND THEN
WAIT AN HOUR AND A HALF AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS."
>> Stephen: YES, TAKE HALF, THEN WAIT AN HOUR AND A HALF--
INSTRUCTIONS THAT NOONE IN THE HISTORY OF EDIBLES HAS EVER
FOLLOWED.
( LAUGHTER )
AND, YES, SENATOR DEBAKIS REALLY DID TRY POT FOR THE FIRST TIME
LIVE ON STREAM.
>> HERE GOES.
I'M GOING TO TRY IT.
I'LL LET YOU KNOW HOW IT TASTES.
NOTHING.
IT'S TANGERINE.
I'M NOT REALLY TASTING IT.
IT'S HALF A GUMMY BEAR, BUT THEY'RE NOT REALLY GUMMY BEARS."
>> Stephen: I THINK IT'S ALREADY WORKING.
( LAUGHTER )
BUT IT'S ALSO NOT A GUMMY BEAR.
LIKE, I'M A HUMAN, BUT WHAT IS A HUMAN?
YOU EVER-- YOU EVER THINK THAT ABOUT YOUR TONGUE IS A BIG PIECE
OF MEAT FILLING YOUR WHOLE MOUTH, BUT YOU CAN'T EAT IT?
UNFORTUNATELY, DEBAKIS DIDN'T STREAM HIS EXPERIENCE OF BEING
HIGH-- I ASSUME BECAUSE HE WAS TOO HIGH TO.
BUT HE LATER TOLD VICE NEWS THAT "HAVING GOTTEN HIMSELF
SUFFICIENTLY STONED, HE WENT TO SEE CIRQUE DU SOLEIL."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
OKAY, YEAH.
OH, YEAH.
THIS GUY'S NEVER BEEN HIGH BEFORE.
HE JUST HAPPENED TO PICK CIRQUE DU SOLEIL.
YOU CAN'T FOOL ME, DOPER!
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.