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My name is Darren McDermott. I'm 45 and I live in Stopsley Luton.
I had an ache in my teste area. I went to my doctors and I was given antibiotics for
a water infection. I left it, and then in December I thought
"I can't carry on anymore. I'm having to get out of bed with a hot water
bottle to take away the pain." So I went back to my doctor and my doctor
sent me to the Luton Dunstable Hospital. On my arrival I was at the STD clinic, which
is the Sexually Transmitted Diseases clinic, where I was tested for five STDs.
I was very...I wouldn't say angry, I wouldn't say bitter, but more confused.
Because I wasn't there for that purpose. I was there because I had an ache.
I was then asked to have an ultrascan. Halfway through my ultrascan, the radiologist
stopped and said "You need to have a CT scan and you need
to have it quick." So again, my fears were becoming reality.
I got a call from the consultant who wished to speak to me and he advised me to bring
someone with me. So we went to see him, he sat me down and
he told me that I had testicular cancer. I went in to the hospital to have
my teste removed. I thought they had taken the wrong testicle
because my pain was all on the left, and they'd removed the right one.
But I was advised that they had removed the infected one. It's what is known as 'referred
pain'. So after my radiotherapy, you come home and
then you're left alone. At that particular point I struggled to deal
with my cancer. I couldn't talk to my family. I didn't want
to get my family involved because I didn't want them to know that I
was upset. I have two children and my fears were that
I'm not going to see my children grow up. Because I want to be part of that. I want
to see my children grow. Because my children are my life and I didn't
want to be taken away by this terrible disease. Like they say, we all come across as this
macho-type person. You know, "I'm a bloke, I'm a geezer, I'm
a lad, I can deal with it." And my children are my life. That's what I
live for. And I didn't like the fact that I wasn't going
to be around. Because, you know, I want to grow old with
my children. I don't want to lose my life to cancer.
I couldn't deal with this at all, so I needed help. And that's when I contacted Macmillan.
She got me through the troubled times. It was like having my own personal counselor.
I started to feel stronger knowing she was coming.
I had a few anxiety attacks before she came, but when she was here it was fine. It was
as if she was like, I don't know, like an angel, so to speak.
She came in, and after she went I felt great. You try and hit it head-on, but you have days
where you can't. You have days where even now, it comes back
and it literally smacks you in the face and you
think "Oh, jeez, where did that come from?" Now I felt real anger, because the fact that
I didn't want to have more children - at the time I was 42 - I didn't want cancer
to make that decision. I wanted to make that decision. What right
did cancer have to say to me You're not going to have children anymore?
With my children seeing me go through my illness, seeing my come out a better person maybe,
a stronger person at times. But I try to tell them "Life is short. Be
positive. Reach your goals, whatever goals you have,
whatever aims in life you have. Because you just don't know what's around the corner.
[Announcer] For information, help, or if you just want to chat,
call the Macmillan Support Line on 0808 808 00 00, or visit macmillan.org.uk