I can say that this is the worst Girl Scout cookie I've ever had in my entire life.
AH GOOD day everyone and welcome to today's video here with... Mariah Carey.
You're not Mariah Carey, I'm sorry to tell you.
Today I am.
In the kitchen with Mariah
Oh. OK.
Where's my wine?
So today we are finally doing the Girl Scout cookie oven machine
I'm so excited
Why are you excited?
Cause if I had this as a kid i would burn the house down.
And I wasn't allowed an Easy Bake Oven.
My sister had an Easy Bake Oven, but she went through the ingredients
and I think back in the day you couldn't get extra ingredients,
it was just whatever what was in the box.
She used like, actual flour, and made it, like, overflow...
Yes.
But I think I'm gonna do the caramel coconut,
I think they're called Caramel Delights, actually.
I'm gonna do the peanut butter.
I don't wanna do those.
Wait, peanut butter not included?
Oh!
OK, screw that.
OK, um, so these we had to buy separately,
it comes with Thin Mints,
but I didn't want to do that because-
Thin Mints are trash.
Actually, no, Thin Mints are really good.
Frozen.
You like them frozen too? Who doesn't.
Wow.
So- oh my God, they're- uh oh.
I don't know how I feel about this.
There's like-
Oh my God, yummy nummies all over again.
Look at how many packets there are-
Ow!
Gave me a shot, doctor.
All right, first of all, look at them here-
And then look at them there.
That looks so fake.
They give you two sets.
Look at them there, they look really good.
Well, ours is gonna look just as good as the box.
OK.
All right, push the oven off to the side.
Ow!
Caution: hot.
Do you need mitts?
Put your mitts in my oven, sis.
OK, so- oh wait, open that thing, get the ingredients out.
The directions, thank you.
Coat the baking pan evenly with baking spray.
Oh, look how little baby this is!
That's gorgeous.
It's little.
Coat it, sis.
We're coating it with some coconut spray.
OK- hey, this isn't cologne!
You get close.
One time I squirted this in my mouth, it was not a good idea.
You're sick. Just saying.
Time to make batter!
Pour one entire packet of shortbread cookie mix into a bowl.
OK, can do!
OK, I don't want to have the pinata thing again.
Get some skizzies for ya.
All right, I'm pouring it in. Oh, look at it.
We have a nice little angle going on up there.
Hello, people up there!
So, poured it in.
OK, next it says "fill the cup with water."
Use the perfect cookie millimeter measuring tool to add
5 milliliters of water to the mix.
So that's this,
and this syringe.
You hold that. You pull it.
I got it. Oh, OK.
He doesn't want to do teamwork. No, don't touch.
No teamwork.
Ah! Squirted. Gorgeous.
Stir the water and mix together with a spoon
until batter is combined.
How much does this make, one cookie?
That really is the size of one cookie.
You get two whole cookies in this batch!
It smells good!
Oh my God, shortbread!
Ow! Hey, come on, I'm-
Hey, hey, hey, hey-
Use your hands, roll the batter into
six one-inch - six?!
No, we're making two. Oh, these are miniature.
That's why.
We'll make two big ones.
I don't think- It's gonna take longer.
Wait! Since we have all of it,
oh, will it take longer? Let's try it!
We'll let it take longer.
No, we need to do the small ones, let's do the small ones.
No, they're too little!
Who cares? Do you really want all those carbs?
Yes.
He never listens to me!
What's the next step?
Using your hands, roll the batter into six one-inch cookies on the baking pan
and press down lightly to flatten the cookies-
All right, you don't do it.
Why?
Using the tip of the butter knife or plastic knife,
carefully create holes in the center of each cookie.
Try to make the cookies all the same size
so they will bake evenly.
Yeah! Two of the same size.
Look, I'm mixing, being a good little boy.
You're a good boy.
Good gal.
Oh my god, wait, are you sure we don't add more water?
No, here, let me do it.
No! My hands are in it already so I have to.
These are crumbly.
Let's add a little more water.
Just a little bit. I feel like we-
it's been in the box for a while,
Yeah. Just like a little teeny though.
Squirt!
You know, I'm a little thirsty.
Do you want some? I'll take a little.
It's like an immunity shot. Come here. Let me feed you.
Mm-mm-mm-mm!
Oh, that's good.
Oooh. It's actually vinegar.
It's actually vodka. Oh!
Oops!
Oh oh! You broke it.
So I'm kneading away,
Kneadledee and Kneadledum.
That's so funny because before this I was, um,
wiping, um- Dog poo.
I was picking up his dog poop then I felt like touching his butthole-
OK, you have flour on your fingers, dear.
Yeah, I know it.
Yeah, I know it's squishy. It is squishy.
This is why you're not allowed in the kitchen ever.
This is your only kitchen.
I'm gonna have some of this under my nails.
Ew!
OK, I suggest you add a little bit more water because look at it.
It looks gooood. Gorgeous!
All right, now I'm gonna split it into two.
Hey, hey, that's my job.
No, but I have it on my hands already!
So- ugh, OK, go.
(pops)
Ohhh!
OK, try to flatten them out.
In your hands, one at a time.
Put one down. OK.
One at a time. Flatten it out.
Just get a little slap.
Slap that cookie. OK, come on.
Hey, you need to get serious, Paula Deen.
Look at this. -Otherwise you're going to go to jail.
Look how serious I am with that! It looks good.
Put it down.
And then I'm gonna take-
make a little hole
in the middle.
Show them what you're doing!
I'm showing them! Yeah, show them.
I'll make a little hole...
Oh, wow.
Oh, that's nice.
That's a nice hole. That's a nice hole. Mhm.
Slap that cookie. Slap that cookie!
Make 'em cry!
All right, go on.
Slap that cookie! Make 'em pee.
That's gonna be a flatter one.
Make them pee?
Yeah, like a pea.
You're really bad at shapes.
No, I'm not!
All right, this one's lopsided. That one's mine.
Cause you're a big gal.
I'm excited about these!
I feel like if we did the smaller ones they wouldn't have turned out good,
I think they would've been cuter.
They're gonna turn out nice.
Does it taste that good?
Oh, that's good.
Slide the cookie control slowly all the way to the right
until it reaches the end of the...
track.
Wait, we're putting them in already?
We have to bake those, and then we top them.
Is it on?
Is this bitch on?
Yeah. So we need to- the other side, wait-
I think it goes in the other way.
Yes! It makes sense that it goes this-
It goes this way. All right, all right.
Hold on.
You know what, if two grown men can't figure this out.
how are two little girls?
That bitch is in.
Wait, did you pull it all the way to the back?
You can see. You have to pull all the way back.
They're in. Where?
They're in. Look at them.
Look at them! They're everything! Gorgeous.
OK, while that's in there,
we will work on the ingrediantes.
Allow to bake for seven to eight minutes.
Do not leave unattended while cookies are baking.
OK, we'll be right back.
All right, so it's been about ten minutes.
We gave it a few more than it said.
But oh my God guys it smells so bad in here.
Smells like...
Butter. But lots of butter.
Lots and lots of greasy old butter.
OK, I'm gonna just slide this out.
Slide her out!
I feel like it's gonna like ricochet.
Ricochet!
Gonna use this little spatuler.
Oh, they're a little crisped- Uh oh!
Left it in for a few too-
Put it on the cooling thing up here.
That's the melting thing dear, that's not the cooling.
Oh, that's the melting spot. There's a difference.
So we're gonna set those aside and let them cool.
I like my cookies with a little crunch.
Yes! I do too, it's gonna be a nice little crispy cookie.
They look good though, to be honest, they look like actual cookies.
We're doing good, I'm proud of us.
You're a great baker.
Look, she's gorgeous! Do you want a piece?
I wanna let that cool.
No, you don't.
Oh, no you don't.
You'll crack that in half. I will not.
There's Cookie #2 - that's my cookie.
That's MY cookie.
Beauty! Got the big daddy.
So next we have to melt chocolate.
It goes up here.
into this, um...
where are the? Heating... no that's caramel.
The heating rack.
Put 'em on in.
Let them melt!
Oh, that smells like dark chocolate.
I love a good dark chocolate chip.
Yeah, melt, melt, melt!
This is cool, it's like interactive,
it's like oh, you can also use the top to melt it on down!
Um, so basically,
what this is for is we're going to
put the cookies...
on top of it so it gets the bottom part filled with chocolate...
and then we'll go like this, and then, um...
do little chocolate things on it,
and then put shredded coconut and then we're done!
Oh, we have to drizzle.
We drizzle. After? When do we drizzle?
We drizzle.
I just explained how we drizzle.
No, you- you didn't say the drizzle.
Yeah, I said you go like this and then you go on top of it.
Oh.
Well, we have to let this melt.
So we'll be right back. Let it melt. We'll be right back.
All right, so it was not working
on the fricking Easy Bake Oven, more like Hard Bake Oven
so I'm resorting to this.
Melting the chocolate above a stove. Cooking crystal meth.
On the stove.
Casual.
Some chocolate meth. Looks like Hamburger Helper.
It does.
It's what's for dinner tonight. Oh my God.
This is a mess. It's taking forever!
A mess, isn't it. Mmm-mm. Mmmm!
And hours later I do NOT recommend that you do this,
this is very dangerous, children, stick to the Easy Bake and wait 1200 years.
But definitely don't do this without parental supervision,
or you can just melt them in the microwave like a normal human being.
But don't put metal in the microwave.
OK, I think that's good enough, let's just go bring it upstairs.
All righty, so we're back.
We have this chocolate. Finally.
It smells... like chemicals.
Like death!
It does not smell like that's healthy.
It smells like burnt chocolate is what it smells like.
So I'm gonna dip mine in. Dip and dot.
I'm kinda nervous. I feel like this is gonna-
Just throw it in there.
Oh.
Oh, that's hard chocolate.
Just go for a swim.
OK, it like dried on the way up.
I feel like we're in a Shane video right now,
where nothing turns out.
Wheels on the bus...
Go round and round!
Until you crash into a chocolaty fire.
I'll do that one, that one's mine.
But you just did mine!
Exactly, I'm better at it.
You mix the coconut.
OK.
OK, so, I'm putting...
the coconut shreds in this bowl.
Cute.
Wonderful.
That's burnt chocolate. Oh my God!
Oh! Why did you think that was a good idea?
So I'm just mixing this caramel delight...
together forever. Mhm.
We need some more, it needs to be thinner than that.
No!
Joey, it does!
No.
Yes, we need to be able to dip those into it, you can't dip.
OK, we're gonna add a little bit more water,
because Daniel thinks that it needs to be a certain way.
That's a lot, that's a lot, that's more than-
I didn't put it all in there.
But you almost did unless I stopped you.
Which I did, thank the Lord,
because you would've-
I'm gonna sew your mouth shut.
I'm gonna take this nasty, liquidy thing that you just ruined
All right, since we can't
put chocolate stripes onto this,
Not happening,
Well, I could try- it's not happening.
It is-
(scrapes)
Oh, that's not bad.
That's not bad.
Hey, hey, ooh! Hey hey hey.
Drizzle! Drizzle.
I'll do mine, you do yours.
You literally just used all of it on you.
(mumbling)
Yours is smaller.
Oh, wow, this looks just like the box.
That's for sure.
It honestly looks better.
Sure.
Oh, that looks gorgeous, look at her!
She's ready to be eaten by me!
I can't believe how long this took
to make frickin cookies.
This took way too long.
It would take such a shorter amount of time
to just do it from, like, scratch.
Or you can just go out and buy them from the little girl next door Susie.
Susie! She needs the money.
No, she doesn't.
OK, let's take our taste test.
All right, ready?
Shall we- cheers?
Cheers, yeah.
I could, like, break a tooth.
I can say...
that this is the worst Girl Scout cookie I've ever had in my entire life.
These do not taste like the caramel delights I know.
This tastes like...
Hell.
I'm not a fan.
I will keep eating them because I am hungry,
but,
I don't know if it's because we left the cookies in two minutes longer,
and that- I told you we should've made them smaller.
Uh-uh.
This caramel stuff tastes toxic.
Not as toxic as that chocolate.
Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this video.
If you did, please give it a big ol' thumbs up,
and we will see you guys next time.
OK, bye!
This is a dramatization, people.
He's not afraid of spiders.
Oh, it's not.
Then who did this?
A crazy person.
It's a spider, it's not gonna do anything.
It was big! It was so big.
You are-
OK, I'll go first.
Stacy!
Truth or dare?
Oh, I'm not allowed to play this game.
Truth or Dare?
Uhhh... truth?
Do you think me and Joey would be a cute couple?