- My hair says about me that I am an artist.
A creative person.
I'm not afraid to be myself.
If there's, like I'm feeling a sense
of a transitional period in my life, I'll be like,
"I need to change my hair color."
I need to make some kind of outside change,
that sort of signifies I feel differently inside.
Growing up was hard,
my parents struggled a lot, financially.
And my mom went through a pretty serious depression
when we were little.
And she didn't leave the couch for a long time,
and it was hard for me and my sisters.
And then when I came out, I came out when I was 15.
I didn't really come out,
I was caught kissing my girlfriend.
And it kind of turned into this really hard time in my life,
where they didn't accept it
and I went and lived with my girlfriend's family.
My mom's Samoan, my dad's Mexican,
and I think that through their lack of experience,
just didn't really understand how to handle the situation.
Right around that time, right around when I was 15,
was when I started coloring my hair pink, and stuff.
I cut my hair short and that was rebelling,
and skipping school and doing a lot of drugs.
I think it was mostly to fit into this new queer identity.
I was like, "OK, I should look gay then."
This was 20 years ago,
so it's still very much living in the binary.
You're either a fem, or butch.
I wanted to explore my masculine side,
and I felt like doing that on the outside
would help me understand it more on the inside.
Now I see that I can feel like a man on the inside
and not necessarily look like one on the outside.
That girlfriend that I had in high school
for all those years, that I left my family for,
ended up betraying me and cheating on me,
so, I came to New York heartbroken.
And then, I ended up in a relationship
that was really abusive for 5 years.
That was when I started to be more a performer,
then the ego came in, and it was like, I was touring
and stuff and was doing these really fun things
that I was just seeing the lack in everything.
And I left, finally left with no money,
no--had no money, no house, no phone.
And I got one of my friends to help me
and I literally started from scratch,
and then I learned how to make music on my own.
When we broke up I was like, "I'm dying my hair natural."
So, I kind of laughed.
I had black hair for a year and a half.
I didn't want to be seen.
I was really hurt at that time.
Then I started coming out with solo music in 2014,
and I was blonde again.
And I made, put an EP, and I was really happy.
And then I cut it short.
I was in a relationship that I think I was not
really feeling good about myself again.
I kind of like, I feel like I sort of,
I was on this independent path,
and then I kind of got back into this dependent path.
And I cut my hair, and I dyed it blue, dark, dark blue.
And I was having dark blue and dark green hair,
and it was short.
And I really wasn't feeling too good about myself
during that time period.
She dumped me.
I was like, "why am I miserable?"
Like, "I'm the most, I'm so sad.
"I'm so heartbroken" it was, for me,
it was one of the biggest heart breaks.
And I started healing myself again
and being happy and getting over that relationship,
and then I met somebody who's amazing and we're engaged,
and then I started growing it out and then it was turquoise,
and then it was pink.
And this is how, now it's gotten this long,
and I just want to keep going.
For me, a relationship is a three-way relationship.
It's two people and spirit.
God, or Universe or Goddess,
or whatever word you want to use.
And two people that are on the journey,
on the path, together,
and they understand that about each other.
And they help each other grow in that way.
You have to define success in a different way,
'cause if you're defining success for recognition or money,
there's never going to be enough.
I was doing a meditation and I saw myself,
holding myself, in the meditation,
saying, you're OK, you're doing a good job.
Everything's OK.
And it was such a powerful moment,
that I wrote down on a piece of paper, what do people need?
And then I wrote, how can I help?
And so, from that point of, on,
I was like, I'm not going to put out any content,
unless it fits into these things.
What I started doing, was making the higher-self memes.
That's what's brought me and my mom together.
Because she's a very spiritual person
and she's really proud of that work.
I feel most beautiful when I'm making somebody else
feel good about themself.
When I'm shining that light of love in them,
and I can see it their faces,
and they can see that they're smiling back at me,
and we are exchanging this beauty.
And then you see it all around you.
You see it everywhere.
You walk down the street, and you're seeing it in everybody
and you're seeing it in everything.
Part of me is like,
"When am I going to have my natural hair color again?"
And a part of me is worried
that I won't look interesting with it.
I want to stand out,
and it's like your spirit stands out.
You know, your love shines so bright
that it doesn't really have to do with what you look like.
It's the energy that people feel.