♪♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."
LET'S SAY HI TO JON BATISTE.
HELLO, JON.
>> Jon: HELLO, STEPHEN.
HOW YOU DOING?
>> Stephen: I'M DOING REALLY WELL.
YOU KNOW, WE'RE NOT ACTUALLY -- WE'RE OFF NEXT WEEK.
>> Jon: RIGHT.
>> Stephen: SO WE'RE NOT GOING TO BE HERE TO TALK ABOUT IT, I
WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT NOW.
YOU AND THE BAND AND SOME OTHER BANDS AROUND THE WORLD ARE
PUTTING TOGETHER THIS AMAZING CARNIVAL MARDI GRAS MUSICAL
PIECE THAT I SAW TODAY THAT'S FANTASTIC.
TELL ME ABOUT THIS THING.
WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE YOU'RE PLAYING WITH?
>> WE'RE PLAYING WITH K OH SS.
AT AND CHARLES AND GREAT MUSICIANS DOING "IS A VA NA
GRASS" THE SONG OF CARNIVAL LAST YEAR AND A QUARTET FROM BRAZIL,
SANTOS WHO IS FEATURED IN THERE DOING TRADITIONAL BRAZIL MUSIC
FROM CARNIVAL.
WE CAN'T BE TOGETHER FOR CARNIVAL THIS YEAR, BUT THIS IS
THE BEST WE'RE GOING TO GET.
>> Stephen: I HEARD THIS.
IT WILL COME OUT ON MARDI GRAS.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: WE'LL POINT IT OUT ON SOCIAL MEDIA, BUT PLEASE
CHECK IT OUT.
I LISTENED TO IT TODAY AND I LEVITATED.
OFF THE GROUND.
YOU COULD HAVE PASSED A HOOP UNDERNEATH ME.
>> Jon: YEAH, RIGHT.
>> Stephen: WELL, JON, GIVE ME A LASTLA LITTLE DAYS BEFORE WE
GO OFF INTO YOUR LITTLE MARDI GRAS WEEK.
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?
>> Jon: YES, INDEED.
♪♪♪ >> Stephen: JON BATISTE,
EVERYBODY.
THANKS, JON, STAY SAFE.
>> Jon: YES, INDEED.
>> Stephen: FOLKS, YOU KNOW I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME
SCOUTING THE WORLD FOR THE MOST HIGHLY-TRAINED AND TOPICAL
BALLERINAS, BUILDING STATE-OF-THE-ART SETS, ADDING
DRAMATIC CUTTING-EDGE LIGHTING, AND A VIRTUOSIC 110-PIECE
ORCHESTRA TO MOUNT FOR YOU THE EPIC PRODUCTION OF "SWAN LAKE"
THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES I LIKE TO HOP IN MY BUSTED OUT R.V.,
SLAM SOME AMYL NITRITE POPPERS, AND TROLL AROUND LUMBER YARDS
FOR EX-CON LOGROLLERS, SET-UP A DISCARDED BOOM BOX WITH A MIAMI
SOUND MACHINE TAPE STUCK INSIDE IT, PROMISE THE BOYS A FREE HOT
DOG AND A SCRATCH-OFF, SO I CAN CHARGE BOARDWALK TOURISTS A
NICKLE A POP TO WATCH THE HOBO ZUMBA CLASS OF NEWS THAT IS MY
SEGMENT: "QUARANTINE-WHILE!"
QUARANTINE-WHILE, EVER SINCE WINNING HIS SEVENTH SUPER BOWL
ON SUNDAY, TOM BRADY HAS BEEN DOING EXACTLY WHAT YOU THINK HE
IS: EXISTING IN A THEORETICAL PLASMA STATE BETWEEN HUMAN AND
PURE ALCOHOL.
NOW, GIVEN WHAT WE KNOW ABOUT HIS EXTREMELY STRICT NUTRITION
REGIMEN, YOU MIGHT ASSUME HE GOT THAT HAMMERED JUST BY WALKING
PAST THE COUGH SYRUP AISLE AT CVS.
BUT I HAPPEN TO KNOW FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE THAT TOM
BRADY CAN DELIVER BOOZE TO HIS OWN BODY LIKE IT'S FOURTH AND
GOAL AND HIS STOMACH IS ROB GRONKOWSKI.
SO, I ASSUME, FOR FOUR STRAIGHT DAYS, HE'S BEEN CONSUMING
MARGARITAS VIA GATORADE SHOWER.
BUT THE BRADY FOOTAGE EVERYONE IS REALLY TALKING ABOUT IS OF
HIM, AND HIS TEAMMATES PARTYING ON SEPARATE BOOZE BARGES
AND BRADY'S HAIL MARY PASS OF THE LOMBARDI TROPHY OVER THE
WATER TO BUCS TIGHT END CAMERON BRATE.
>> OH!
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERING )
( HORN BLOWING ) >> Stephen: THAT IS RISKY!
THE LOMBARDI COULD'VE WOUND UP AT THE BOTTOM OF THE RIVER.
REACHED FOR COMMENT, BRADY SAID "WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
EVERYONE HAS LIKE SIX MORE OF THESE, RIGHT?"
THOUGH I GOTTA SAY, I PERSONALLY WOULD FIND FOOTBALL A LOT MORE
COMPELLING IF, INSTEAD OF A BALL, THOSE QUARTERBACKS WERE
DRILLING THEIR RECEIVERS WITH A TOP-HEAVY SEVEN-POUND HUNK OF
POINTY METAL.
KICKERS WOULD BE ON THE SIDELINES PRAYING "DON'T GET
WITHIN FIELD GOAL RANGE!
DON'T GET WITHIN FIELD GOAL RANGE!"
QUARANTINE-WHILE, HOT MALE POLITICIANS GETTING VACCINATED
IS 2021'S STRANGEST THIRST TRAP.
WRONG.
THIS YEAR'S STRANGEST THIRST TRAP IS THE MOUNTAIN DEW MAJOR
MELON SUPERBOWL AD.
IT LEFT ME DEEPLY CONFUSED.
DO I WANT TO DRINK THIS DOG?
BUT PEOPLE ARE INTO PICS OF HOT EUROPEAN POLITICIANS GETTING THE
COVID VACCINE, LIKE GREEK PRIME MINISTER KYRIAKOS MITSOTAKIS,
AND CROATIAN FINANCE MINISTER ZDRAVKO MARICH, SEEN HERE AS
DOCTORS TRY TO FIND A NEEDLE SHARP ENOUGH TO PENETRATE THAT
TRICEP.
ARE THEY TRYING TO FIND A CURE FOR DELTOIDS?
AND WHAT IS WITH THAT LIGHTING?
THIS LOOKS LIKE A ONE MAN SHOW ABOUT A GUY WHO WAS TOO SEXY TO
BE FINANCE MINISTER.
I BET THAT DOCTOR IS TAKING HIS TIME WITH THAT SWAB.
"JUST SO YOU KNOW, THE BEST WAY TO STERILIZE THE AREA IS FOR ME
TO GENTLY SQUEEZE IT."
OH, YEAH, WE'RE ALMOST THERE.
BUT THE GUY WHO STARTED IT ALL WAS FRENCH HEALTH MINISTER
OLIVIER VERAN, WHO TWEETED THIS PIC OF HIMSELF WITH ONLY THE
WORD "VACCINEÉ."
A GREAT PUBLIC HEALTH MESSAGE AND GOOD P.R. FOR THE LAUNCH OF
HIS NEW FRAGRANCE "VACCINEÉ."
THE ONLY THING CONTAGIOUS NOW...
IS PASSION.
( IN FRENCH ACCENT ) CONTINUE ON...
QUARANTINE-WHILE, IT'S BLACK HISTORY MONTH AND SOME PROGRESS
IS BEING DRIZZLED ON A STACK OF INJUSTICE BECAUSE PEPSI-CO, INC.
HAS ANNOUNCED IT IS RE-BRANDING AUNT JEMIMA TO "PEARL MILLING
COMPANY."
THAT IS BORING.
TRULY, THE "WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM" OF PANCAKE MIX.
THAT COULDN'T BE MORE DULL IF THEY'D NAMED IT "THE
CONSOLIDATED BREAKFAST CONSORTIUM AND GLOBAL PANCAKE
INDUSTRIES, L.L.C. MIXABLE MORNING PASTE."
THE NAME COMES FROM THE 19TH-CENTURY BUSINESS THAT
CREATED THE ORIGINAL PANCAKE MIX.
CAN WE TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT THE NEW LOGO?
OKAY, THEY KEPT THE SAME COLOR SCHEME AND FONT SIZE, WAIT A
SEC, CAN WE ZOOM IN TO THE RIGHT CORNER?
JUMPIN JEHOSHAPHAT!
IT STILL SAYS AUNT JEMIMA ON THE BOX, AND SAYS "NEW NAME, SAME
GREAT TASTE."
SO, SHE'S FORCED TO REMAIN IN ORDER TO EARN THE COMPANY MONEY?
DOES THAT ARRANGEMENT RING ANY BELLS?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO REMOVE THE BAD THING, NOT REMIND US OF IT.
THAT'S LIKE IF AFTER THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT THEY CHANGED THE
SIGNS TO SAY, "NEW, INCLUSIVE WATER FOUNTAIN, SAME WHITES
ONLY FLAVOR!" QUARANTINE-WHILE, "HUSTLER
MAGAZINE" FOUNDER LARRY FLYNT HAS DIED AT AGE 78.
IN LIEU OF FLOWERS, THE FAMILY ASKS THAT YOU SEND NUDES.
FLYNT WAS A TITAN IN THE PORN BIZ.
OVER THE YEARS, HIS COMPANY PRODUCED NOT ONLY "HUSTLER," BUT
OTHER NICHE PUBLICATIONS.
BY WHICH I MEAN PUBLICATIONS THAT FEATURE PHOTOS OF PEOPLE'S
NICHES.
ALSO NOOKS AND, OCCASIONALLY, CRANNIES.
FOR THE BULL BUTTER TO COLLECT I WHEN WE COME BACK, FIRST DRAFTS
OF VALENTINE'S DAY CARDS WITH A VERY SPECIAL MY WIFE.
STICK AROUND.
♪♪♪