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Wiz: They visit you for birthday parties, cheer you up when your sad, and probably also want to kill you.
Boomstick: Clowns...
The Joker, Gotham's jester of genocide.
Wiz: And Sweet Tooth, the violent victor of Twisted Metal.
Boomstick: He's Wiz & I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills, to find out who would win....a DEATH BATTLE.
Boomstick: Gotham City, a vile breeding ground for criminals and crazy people.
Wiz: In such a bleak city, it's important to look for humor wherever you can, even if it's during the act of murder.
And no one gets more jollies out of ruthless felonies than the Joker.
Joker: I'm here, bitches!
And I brought favors for everybody!
Boomstick: But before he became the Clown Prince of Crime, who was he?
A thief who accidentally got his pregnant wife killed?
A mob boss who stabbed Batman's girlfriend?
A petty thug in the wrong place at the wrong time?
Nobody knows for sure, not even the Joker himself.
Wiz: What we DO know is that most likely at some point.
He fell into a vat of mysterious chemicals and Batman was involved.
However he came to be, from that moment on, his body and mind were altered forever.
(Joker laughs maniacally)
Boomstick: With a new smile big enough to rival the Grinch.
The Joker decided he'd make sure the whole world would share in his sick joke.
Wiz: And what comedy act would be complete without a few wonderful toys?
Boomstick: This guy may like his pistols, machine guns and explosives.
But outside of that, his taste in weaponry is anything but simple.
Joker: OW! My eye!
Sucker!
Boomstick: Like a true prankster gone mad, he carries razor sharp playing cards, a gag flower filled with acid, an electric hand buzzer that goes a...little too far...
Wiz: But deadliest and most haunting of all is his trademark Joker Venom.
A deadly concoction which poisons its victims, forcing them into fits of laughter so uncontrollable that they suffocate and die.
While contorting their facial muscles into a nightmarish grin.
Boomstick: Talk about killing the audience.
(laughs)
Oh...man.
That shit looks dangerous to carry around.
Wiz: Fortunately for the creepy clown, he's manufactured so much Joker Venom over the years, repeated exposure has given him immunity to his own toxin.
But the laughing gas isn't all that makes him a threat in battle.
Joker: Ta-dah! It's...ah, it's gone!
Boomstick: He's a cunning strategist who screws with the minds of the sane and insane alike, he can whip up disguises so convincing, that not even the world's greatest detective recognized him, and for a guy this lanky, he's also surprisingly great going fist to fist.
Wiz: And like most heroes and villains who've been in the game since the 1940's, of course, he has his own car.
Boomstick: Look at that thing!
God, I really need to get back to work on the Boomstick-Mobile.
Wiz: The Joker-Mobile, as it's called, was built to compete with the legendary Batmobile.
Boomstick: It has mounted machine guns, a bulletproof exterior, and a lethal cannon up top that can spew missiles everywhere!
Wiz: After so many years of terrorizing Gotham and beyond, the Joker has more than earned his role of sworn enemy to the Batman.
Despite Batman's ludicrous skill and intellect, the Joker's forethought and planning has outsmarted Bats numerous times.
In some cases, he's even gone hand to hand and held his own with the Caped Crusader.
Boomstick: Who was trained by ninjas!
Wiz: He's outfoxed plenty of other heroes too, including Superman, who's brain can function thousands of times faster than humans, like Joker.
Boomstick: He incapacitated Wonder Woman with just a puff of Joker Venom, blew up Robin after viciously beating him with a crowbar, and when he tracked down Batgirl....
(gunshot)
Well, let's put it nicely and say that she became handi-capable from that point on.
And thanks to his own insanity, Joker has stupidly high pain tolerance.
The dude got a batarang lodged in his eye, and was still running around, laughing and shooting people!
God damn, that's almost as bad as the time he had his own face cut off for giggles.
Wiz: THAT'S WAY WORSE! UGH! He can certainly take the pain, but this sadistic psychopath is still no harder to kill than most of his victims.
Boomstick: He can die from certain poisons, neck snapping, being stabbed by Pirate Batman, getting bitten by Vampire Batman, and even just a good old fashioned Superman high five.
Wiz: But one thing remains certain, having this clown show up for your party would make it one bad day.
Wiz: How far would yo go to have your greatest wish granted?
How much would you destroy to get your way?
Boomstick: Any extreme!
Wiz: For those willing to go to any extreme, the annual Twisted Metal contest is right up your alley!
Boomstick: In Twisted Metal, competitors smash vehicles into public property and each other.
And that's when they're not shooting crazy shit like rockets and bombs all over the place!
God, that'd be fun...
Wiz: The insane lure of Twisted Metal attracts some of the most deranged and unstable minds in the world.
Including a clown with a flaming scalp, the driver of the infamous ice cream truck called Sweet Tooth.
Needles: Light 'em up, boys.
(laughs evilly)
Boomstick: Before he was a scary serial killer driving a truck.
Marcus Kane was a scary ice cream man driving a truck, and like every ice cream man I know.
Marcus had a serious evil split personality problem.
Wiz: Trapped within his head, this sinister side desperately clawed for freedom, eventually forcing Marcus to finally give in and carve his new persona a face.
On that day, Marcus Kane died and the rampage of Needles Kane began.
Boomstick: Needles spent his days murdering anyone he could find, including his own wife and child.
Wiz: He prefers killing up close and as violently as possible, with his giant serrated machete.
Boomstick: Which tons of people have been introduced to.
They're dead now.
Wiz: By his own account, he slaughtered a thousand people before he was finally arrested, it was here he was cursed by a preacher named...Preacher, to suffer the fires of Hell, which apparently means having your head burst into flames, forever.
Boomstick: Enraged, he busted out, and was eventually found by a man named Calypso, see, Calypso was the one organizing the Twisted Metal tournament, and he thought Needles would be just perfect for it.
Wiz: For Needles, winning Twisted Metal meant having any wish of his choosing granted, he could finally end the everlasting pain...or have all the candy in the world, anything, really, how could he say no?
Boomstick: Needles knew just the car that would take him to victory, complete with tasty treats!
His ice cream truck, the Sweet Tooth.
Wiz: This modified Chevrolet step van is anything but what it appears to be, with it's shocking maneuverability and durability, Sweet Tooth is like a tank, capable of taking loads of damage without stopping.
Boomstick: The Sweet Tooth menu includes front mounted spikes, Gatling guns, and homing ice cream cone missiles, and for the cherry on top, he blasts the explosive clown head from the roof as a homing weapon, which laughs and goes through walls.
If that's not enough, it transforms into a God damn robot!
Wiz: The Sweet Bot carries a massive, multi-barrel Gatling gun, reinforced armor plating, and can even throw its own head like a grenade.
Boomstick: But the real beauty's in the Sweet Slam, an attack where the bot launches into the air with it's jetpack, and drops like a hammer, with enough force to crush a whole building.
Wiz: Sweet Tooth can take dozens of missiles and keep on trucking, but even without his wheels, Needles is one tough son of a bitch, he's strong enough to casually shatter reinforced windows, tough enough to take a stab to the face...
Boomstick: And even survived the electric chair, doesn't that mean he gets to walk free? I read that on the internet once.
Wiz: No, first, that's a myth, second, a person wouldn't be able to walk after getting blasted with over 2,000 volts of electricity, stopping their heart, burning their body, paralyzing their muscles, and melting their eyes, unless your Needles Kane, who broke out of the chair, killed everyone, and escaped.
Boomstick: See, this is why anytime I meet a clown, I take 'em out right away.
Wiz: When has a clown ever done anything to you?
Boomstick: They've never had the chance.
Heh, who's laughing now, Chuckles?
Wiz: But Needles is, by no means, un-killable, and Calypso has played him for a fool more times than not, like when he wished to find his missing daughter, so he could kill her, and wound up trapped and suffocating in her coffin, underground, because she was already dead.
Boomstick: Still, it just goes to show, Needles and his Sweet Tooth will do anything it takes to get the kill.
Man: Wha--What have you done with my son?
Boomstick: F***ing clowns!
Wiz: All Right The Combatants Are Set.
Let's End This Debate Once And For All.
Boomstick: But First... Time For Some Book Learnin'.
Wiz: You Know Reading A Good Book It's One Of My Favorite Pastimes.
Boomstick: Yeah but who's got time for that?
Wiz: Lucky for you audible.com has the perfect solution... Audio books
Boomstick: You mean i can do things with my eyes while my ears do all the reading for me?
Wiz: Sure.
Boomstick: Great. I'll Listen to it in my dune buggy on my way to the shooting range.
Wiz: audible.com has over 250,000 titles to choose from... The app is free for iPhone, iPad, Android & Windows Phone.
You can also download and listen with your Kindlefire & almost any MP3 Player.
And unlike like a streaming or rental service with audible you own your books.
And can access them anytime, anywhere.
Boomstick: And it gets better if you download a book you don't like you can exchange it for a different more better one anytime.
I'm halfway through my seventieth book on audible right now.
Wiz: Really?
Boomstick: Yeah you should go check out Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson. It's really good.
Wiz: Huh!
Maybe i will and you can too. In fact DEATH BATTLE viewers can get a free 30-day trial membership by going audible.com/Battle
Boomstick: But Right Now.
IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And Then Books.
Joker: Hmm I like the model, but not really my color.
Hoo hoo hoo! Yeah!
Needles: Ahh, it's perfect!
Joker: Yoink!
Like taking candy from a baby.
Announcer: FIGHT!
Let's get wild!
Needles: You're roadkill!
ROADKILL!
YOU HEAR ME!?
Joker: Oooh so many buttons!
Eeny, meeny, miny... all of them!
Hmm, what's this one do?
Boop!
BEST BUTTON EVER!
Really? Can't just let a guy have his fun...
Okay okay, let's go!
Needles: Here I come scrawny!
Joker: All right let's see it! Come and get it tough guy!
You miserable excuse for a clown! Come on!
Come on!
Oooh excuse me! I want to drive!
Ohh!
Let me put that out for you!
Needes: Shut up and bleed you mother...
Get out!
Joker: Ow! My spleen!
Can't take a joke, (chuckles) can you big guy?
Okay... THAT'S funny.
(coughing)
Okay... let's, let's talk about this.
Killing someone from inside a tin can?
That's no fun!
The cold of their skin... The blankness of their eyes... The reveal, of who they really are...
(coughing)
So much better when you savor all the little emotions...
...Right?
Needles: Right...
I want to see you bleed, I want to watch you die...
Joker: Just...one more lesson, capice?
The best kind of punch line...(chuckles) is the one you don't see coming!
Needles: What is this?
Die, die, die!
Die....
Announcer: KO!
Boomstick: Oh come on, it wasn't that funny.
Wiz: Both clowns were skilled in combat, but Joker's superior tactics and unpredictable weaponry gave him the leg up he needed.
Boomstick: When you have a toxic gas so deadly it can take out the entire Justice League, all the Joker needed was one opportunity to use it.
Wiz: And despite his lanky frame, the Joker can take a lot of punishment, and he's good enough to survive hand to hand combat with Batman.
Boomstick: Hell, he's smart enough to trick Batman and even manipulate the incorruptible Superman into being pawns in his schemes.
Wiz: As opposed to Needles, who's mental capacity is limited to just one thing...
Boomstick: Murder, murder, and more murder, with a dash of ice cream.
Wiz: The Joker has plenty of experience manipulating the minds of homicidal maniacs, in fact, many people like Needles have wound up in Joker's game.
It was only a matter of time before he made his opportunity to use the Joker Venom.
Boomstick: Joker wasn't clowning around in this gas of a fight that had us on pins...and needles.
Wiz: We should really put you on a limit.
Boomstick: Aw, come on, Wiz, those puns were sweet.
Wiz: The Winner Is: The Joker.
Joker: (sighs)
Well, that was fun, who's for Chinese?
Boomstick: NEXT TIME ONNNNNNNN DEATH BATTLE!
We Dreamed Of Creating The World's Strongest Pokémon...
And We Succeded.
Mewtwo: Do Not Attempt To Defy Me.
Chad: Hey Everybody I'm Chad I Play Boomstick.
Ben: I'm Ben I Play Wiz.
Chad: And Next Up In DEATH BATTLE Is Mewtwo.
Ben: Dun Dun Dun.
Chad: Who Will He Be Fighting... You Guys Know The Drill By Now Find Out By Sticking To Our Social Media That's At Screwattack On Twitter And OfficialSA On Facebook.
Ben: In The Meantime You Can Go Check Out Our New Show: DBX. You Click Right Over There It's Kinda Like DEATH BATTLE But With Epic Fights And All...
But... In This Case There's No Analysis, No Rules, Just Bloodshed.
Chad: And Sponsors Can Watch It Right Now... You Guys Wanna Become Part Of The Sponsorship Program When You Get Merch Discount, Tons Of Videos Early And All That Great Stuff.
You Just Click In The Description Below And Get A 30-Day Free Trial.
Ben: Yep. Thanks For Watching Guys.
Chad: (whispering) Do It.
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