- I ain't cool. Shawl ain't your friend.
Your family's so sweet, I robbed y'all again.
(audience laughing)
- Don't you try to throw shots man. I'm not gon' duck.
'Cause at the end of the day, I'm still cute as-- (beep)
(audience laughing)
♪ Who we introducin' ♪
♪ This is my brother and he's never on time ♪
♪ The only reason she's with him ♪
♪ 'Cause he's got Drake's hairline ♪
♪ At the family reunion ♪
♪ Who we introducin' ♪
♪ This my aunt and uncle ♪
♪ And they drove here from Aurora ♪
♪ After years of trying to smash ♪
♪ Urkel finally got Laura ♪
♪ At the family reunion ♪
♪ Who we introducin' ♪
♪ This is my family ♪
♪ That's the truth and it's a fact ♪
♪ Justina, we're your family ♪
♪ You are white, not black ♪
♪ At the family reunion ♪
- I now knight you the most (beep) white boy
in the building.
(audience cheering)
- Let's get to it. How to score a date when you're broke.
- Oh, I'll do that.
Yo, I know this bomb ass vending machine.
It's right on the corner, right by the red box.
- Ways to hide from the Feds.
- Okay, you got it. All right.
(audience laughing)
- When sinners go to church.
- When the whole crew get baptized.
(audience laughing)
- No! No! No!
(audience laughing)
- This is Martin Luther, the King.
I can't come to the phone right now.
I can't come to the phone right now
'cause I'm busy having a dream
that someday some white boy that look like Vanilla Ice
will do an impression of me on TV.
(audience laughing)
♪ Pick up and kill it and kill it and kill it ♪
- All right. Your word is hats.
♪ And kill it and kill it and kill it ♪
♪ I speak this raps and you know I'm gon' kill it ♪
♪ I'm like a hack 'cause I'll always stay fitted ♪
♪ I don't wear hats ♪
♪ That's not my swag ♪
♪ Chance got 10 of those in the same bag ♪
♪ He got 10 of those and it's okay wearing hats 'cause it's ♪
- I won a rap battle!
- Your topic is interracial relationship.
♪ Pick up and kill it and kill and kill it ♪
♪ Matt, you so fine ♪
♪ Why you so fine ♪
♪ Come here white boy ♪
♪ And please be mine ♪
♪ Let me be yours ♪
♪ Don't make me flutter ♪
♪ You smell like roses and cocoa butter ♪
♪ Yeah cocoa butter ♪
♪ I don't play though ♪
♪ But let me spread this just like mayo ♪
- I'ma go smash.
♪ Pick up and kill it and kill it and kill it ♪
(upbeat music)
(audience cheering)
- Your word is amphibian.
- All right, I got it, I got it, I got it.
♪ I'm a earthquake ♪
♪ I cave your whole village in ♪
♪ I switch it up like an amphibian ♪
♪ I take all of your (beep) ♪
♪ I'm pillaging ♪
♪ DC has the face of an amphibian ♪
(audience cheering)
I just wanted to say I think you are real beautiful.
- [Iggy] Thank you.
- Like really real, beautiful.
And myself, my castmates and I know every dude in here
would really like to know how much of that booty
is really real?
(audience gasping)
- [Iggy] Y'all all wanna know? These guys over here?
- Yes, yes, yes, yes.
- All right. I'm gonna put you up on game.
It's real in your hands
but y'all don't need to be worrying about booty
that's above your weight clothes.
(audience cheering)
- I'm not good with beats. Hold on.
♪ He from outer space and that (beep) does amaze me ♪
♪ His hands light up ♪
♪ But my finger game is crazy ♪
♪ When this came out it was the movie of the year ♪
♪ If you need me I'll be right here ♪
- "E.T."
- My dude Chance is so fly.
- [Audience] How fly is he?
- He wears a three on his hat
'cause he knew exactly how many Grammys he'd win.
(audience cheering)
My girl Tammy is so petty.
- [Audience] How petty is she?
- I sent her my nudes and she responded with,
"So what did you do today"?
(buzzer buzzing)
I mean, it's not all that, but I do what I can with it.
- Okay, Matt. Who you got over there with you?
- Oh my word. I can't believe my eyes.
Charlie Clips, I know you are a huge fan.
This is such a sweet, sweet treat.
You've seen her ads all over the mall.
Please give it up for the Cinnabon mascots. Oh my God.
(audience cheering)
- Hey, Zendaya. I'm Nick Cannon and--
Nah, (beep) that. I'm Matt mother (beep) Rife, all right?
Look, you're mixed. I want to be black.
Let's make a Lifestyle movie.
Spit that water out so I can get your number please.
I didn't touch her.
She can handle herself.
- Keep your hands off her, Matt.
- Don't be touching on her like that.
She too young!
- She's 18!
He's 19.
- So? He got acne and his fingernails dirty.
(audience laughing)
(audience cheering)
- Big Mac. You left your neck beard.
Doja, I heard you date white dues.
So the longer you keep that water in your mouth,
the more clothes I'm gonna take off.
- And the winner is Justin Bieber.
(audience cheering)
- Here's good. Here's good.
Wow, um...
I don't know what to say.
I can't believe I, Justin Bieber,
am accepting the NAACP award.
(audience laughing)
I mean I've earned it, right?
I've worked really hard
to become the blackest dude from Canada ever.
I just wanna give a shout out to God, of course.
My crew and...
My Calvins and of course, my rock.
The person who holds me down every night when I go to bed.
Usher.
(audience cheering)
- Jerome.
- White on white violence.
- Ah, okay.
You're the better rapper and I'm no disputer.
But I'm gonna beat your ass if you don't fix my computer.
- I mean, fixing computers but your girl caught a back shot.
As soon as I put it in her apple,
'cause you know she gave me laptop.
Because I ain't even knowing
and right now I be rapping fresh.
This is white on white crime. I'm cashing checks.
You look like Macklemore became Mackleless.
- Talking to me.
All them boys you just spit was whack though.
Nick. What's up my (beep).
You hired all these white folks,
I thought this was a black show.
(audience laughing)
- DC so mad. Boy, take a vacation.
This is season 15 gentrification.
- Hold up, hold up, hold up. Hold up.
- We love white people.
- [DC] I know you ain't talking.
Let's go ahead and set this thing clear.
Your ass got fired. What the (beep) are you doing here?
- Okay. All right, okay, okay.
You think I got fired but that ain't legit.
Like Royce's barber, I said, "I quit".
- Wow. (laughs)
He said he quit. That sound kinda funny.
The (beep) back. I guess he needed more money.
(audience laughing)
- One more, one more, one more, one more.
Okay, one more. All right.
No, no, no. No, no, no.
You say I need money. Maybe that's true.
Nut at least I didn't do how I do.
All right, DC.
♪ We can just do this ♪
♪ I don't need a buildup ♪
♪ Why you look like the bad guy from Captain Phillips ♪
- Check this out.
♪ Look, I never seen that show and no cop out ♪
♪ No cop, y'all ♪
♪ Before this show your whole family ♪
♪ I would've robbed y'all ♪
♪ Roy's on the black squad no matter what ♪
I think that scar on your face is from Nick Cannon's nuts
(audience cheering)
♪ I ain't cool ♪
♪ Shawl ain't your friend ♪
♪ Your family's so sweet ♪
♪ I robbed y'all again ♪
♪ Won't you try and throw shots man ♪
♪ I'm not gon' duck ♪
♪ 'Cause at the end of the day I'm still cute as fuck ♪
(audience cheering)
- I don't know what to do with that one.
I don't know what to do with that one.
- I gotta get it for that one.
♪ When you talk about looks, you way outta place ♪
♪ 'Cause you don't want to go to jail ♪
♪ With that little pretty ass face ♪
(audience cheering)
♪ You're only on this show 'cause Nick thinks you're funny ♪
♪ Your only other chance of fame ♪
♪ Is being Precious' understudy ♪
(audience cheering)