[PIANO MUSIC]
CLINT BRIGGS: (SINGING) Now fellow, here
you are, in a sh---y, British bar
with a frothy little frown upon your lips.
Another pint for my friend, extra warm.
PRESENT: Your accent blows.
CLINT BRIGGS: (SINGING) Well I beg to differ.
As you're drowning in that ale, you're
feeling like a failure, sorrier than soggy fish and chips.
But you don't have to sit and pout, just let
your inner Scrooge come out.
Because why should any other jerk enjoy his day?
When you're down in the dumps and need some cheering upsies,
turn and tap a hapless chap and sweetly say, good afternoon.
[GASP]
Good afternoon.
LADY 1: Well, I never!
CLINT BRIGGS: (SINGING) Just let one fly,
and you'll be smiling pretty soon.
Like this, good afternoon.
MAN 1: I beg your pardon?
CLINT BRIGGS: (SINGING) You pompous a--.
[SLAP]
BARMAID: (SINGING) It's like piss-off,
but with a little touch of class.
CLINT BRIGGS AND BARMAID: (SINGING) Oh, two little words
can totally change your tune.
CLINT BRIGGS: (SINGING) Good afternoon.
MAN 2: Good afternoon.
LADY 2: Good afternoon.
[SMASHING AND GROANING]
PRESENT: I'm sensing, no.
CLINT BRIGGS: (SINGING) So, you've
done nothing wrong, in so very, very long,
and I get it's an important point of pride.
PRESENT: It's part of my job.
CLINT BRIGGS: (SINGING) Come on now, don't stay quiet.
You know you want to try it.
Better to never let all of the bitter be bottled up inside.
CART DRIVER: Oi!
Out of the road, genius.
CLINT BRIGGS: Oh, come on, Bub.
He's got it coming.
You know you want to.
PRESENT: Uh-uh.
CLINT BRIGGS: Come on.
Come on, it's right there.
Just let it--
PRESENT: Good afternoon!
CLINT BRIGGS: (SINGING) Yes!
Good afternoon.
CART DRIVER: The hell you saying?
PRESENT: (SINGING) Sir, you're a wankerous, cantankerous
buffoon.
POLICEMAN: What's all this then?
PRESENT: (SINGING) Good afternoon.
You smell of sh---.
[SQUEALS]
CLINT BRIGGS: (SINGING) No, we didn't say good morning,
or good night.
That's right!
POLICEMAN: You get back here!
ALL: Yes, two little words could totally change your tune.
CLINT BRIGGS: (SINGING) Good afternoon.
PRESENT: (SINGING) Good afternoon.
LITTLE GIRL: (SINGING) Good afternoon.
[POLICEMAN GROWLING IN FRUSTRATION]
CLINT BRIGGS: (SINGING) She clogged the loo!
LADY 3: Good afternoon!
CLINT BRIGGS: (SINGING) He diddled your wife.
GROOM: Good afternoon!
VICAR: (SINGING) It meant not a thing, I swear upon my life.
BRIDE: Good afternoon!
PRESENT: (SINGING) He has the plague.
LADY 4: Good afternoon!
CLINT BRIGGS: (SINGING) She called you a w------.
LADY 5: Good afternoon!
LITTLE BOY: I'm an orphan.
Please, Sir, may I have some more?
PRESENT and CLINT BRIGGS: (SINGING) Good afternoon!
[BLOWS LANDING]
CLINT BRIGGS: (SINGING) Oh, guv'nor!
PRESENT: (SINGING) Good afternoon.
CLINT BRIGGS: (SINGING) Pardon his French.
PRESENT: (SINGING) Good afternoon!
JUDY DENCH: (SINGING) Just deplore them with decorum,
like you're Judy bloody Dench.
CLINT BRIGGS: Wait, wait.
Was that Judi Dench?
PRESENT: Oh my god, she's a national treasure.
I love her in everything.
CLINT BRIGGS: I loved her in that, "Chocolate".
PRESENT: "Chocolat".
CLINT BRIGGS: Shhh..
"Chocolat".
ENSEMBLE: (SINGING) I was hopping through the streets
of London town.
We'll quip this little pick-me-up,
and strip your people down.
[MUSICAL REFRAIN CONTINUES]
[EXPLOSION]
[FUSE BURNING]
[GLASS SMASHES]
[EXPLOSION]
[CROWD SCREAMING]
[SMASHING]
MAN ON FIRE: Good afternoon!
[SCREAMING]
[FOOT TAPPING]
[RHYTHMIC TAP DANCING]
MAN IN CROWD: Yes, boys, yeah!
ENSEMBLE: Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
[GROWLING AT EACH OTHER]
ENSEMBLE: (SINGING) Good afternoon.
It's time for fun.
PRESENT: (SINGING) And if you're short,
then you can kiss my Dickinson.
CLINT BRIGGS: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
PRESENT: Kiss it!
CLINT BRIGGS: No, no, no, no, no, no.
Stop!
PRESENT: Oh, what?
CLINT BRIGGS: Stop.
PRESENT: No, it's Charles Dickens.
It's a funny--
CLINT BRIGGS: Yes, thank you, but there is a baby--
PRESENT: Oh!
There is a baby.
Madam.
I am so sorry.
CLINT BRIGGS: He should be.
Oh, and Ma'am?
PRESENT AND CLINT BRIGGS: (SINGING) Good afternoon!
[CROWD CHEERS]
ENSEMBLE: (SINGING) Good afternoon.
Good afternoon.
Our favorite swear.
Let's get a little boy who'll fill the village square.
[INAUDIBLE] balloon, and nobody is immune.
Like giving a man a kick in the pantaloons.
Oh, two little words can totally change your tune.
PRESENT: (SINGING) Good afternoon.
CLINT BRIGGS: (SINGING) Good afternoon.
PRESENT: (SINGING) Good afternoon.
ENSEMBLE: (SINGING) Good afternoon.
Good afternoon.
[SCREAMING]
[CRASH]
PRESENT: Oh.
CLINT BRIGGS: Oh.
That's-- Oh, he's dead.
PRESENT: Yeah, he's definitely--
CLINT BRIGGS: No! PRESENT: No, he's fine.
CLINT BRIGGS: He's good.
[MAN SCREAMING]