Have you ever said yes to someone when you already had something else planned? Even if
that plan was doing something for yourself? Have you done that more than once, or a lot?
Then you may be a people pleaser. I am not talking about doing something nice for someone
as a favor, because that typically makes you feel good. I’m talking about always putting
yourself on the back burner for other people. Doing this constantly can actually put you
at serious risk of exhaustion, anxiety, or depression, and insomnia - to name a few.
If that sounds like you, you’re in luck - today’s video we are talking about how
to stop being a people pleaser with 7 easy ways to take action today. Let’s get into
it.
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People pleasers worry about how others will view them when they say no. No one wants to
be seen as lazy, uncaring, selfish, or totally egocentric, right? People pleasers fear they’ll
be disliked and cut from the group, whether it’s friends, family, or co-workers.
They also prioritize others above themselves. Saying "yes" is a reflex for some; for others,
it's an addiction that makes them feel as if they need to be needed. This makes them
feel vital and as if they are making a difference in someone else's life.
But as I mentioned people-pleasing may create serious problems. It not only puts a lot of
pressure and stress on you, but it also has the potential to make you sick if you do too
much. If you are overcommitted, you will most likely get less sleep and become more stressed
and frustrated. You are also depleting your energy supplies. In the worst-case scenario,
you'll wake up depressed because you're overwhelmed and simply can not do it all.
If you recognize this in yourself, then you have the ability to start making changes when
those situations present themselves.
Here are 7 easy ways that you can stop being a people pleaser and making sure you’re
taking care of yourself first.
To kick things off, Number 7 on our list is Stall.
When anyone asks you for a favor, it's perfectly acceptable to say you'll need to think about
it. This allows you to decide whether you will commit to helping them. It is also important
to ask about the person’s favor in full. Try asking yourself, How stressful will this
be? Do I have the time to do this? What am I willing to sacrifice? How stressed am I
going to be? Will I be frustrated with the person who asks?
Asking yourself these questions is critical because it is all too common to be left wondering,
"What was I thinking?" after saying yes or helping out. I don't have the time or experience
to help out with this. If the person needs a response immediately,
your default reaction should be no. This is due to the fact that if you say yes, you are
committed. By automatically saying no, you give yourself the option of saying yes later
if you know you're open. But by saying no, you’ve crossed it off your must-do or don't-want-to-do
list. Number 6 on our list is Say no with conviction.
The first time you say no to anyone, it's always the most difficult. However, once you've
gotten through the first hiccup, you'll be well on your way to breaking free from the
yes treadmill. Also, remember that you're saying no for a reason. You have time for
yourself as well as those you genuinely want to help.
Try not to immediately volunteer your time, energy, and assistance. If you have two people
ask you for something, just say yes to one of them. Saying no to some of the things you
don't want to do allows you to devote your full attention to the things that are important
to you. When you have the ability to say no, the yeses become more important.
If you have enjoyed this video so far, do me a favor, show your appreciation, and hit
that like button. That is gonna tell YouTube that you think other people should check this
video out too. Number 5 today on how to stop being a people
pleaser is Practice Empathic Assertion Since it can be difficult for a people-pleaser
to say no without defending it, empathic assertion practice can be huge. Assertiveness is described
as standing up for yourself and your needs in a calm, constructive manner. Empathy is
the capacity to comprehend another person's emotions from their perspective. When you
combine the two, you may answer by acknowledging the other person's circumstance or feelings,
followed by a statement in which you stand up for yourself and what you need. If a friend
asks you to come early to help with a last-minute gathering, you may answer with empathic assertion.
You might say, "I understand how important this party is to you. But I have other commitments
and won’t be able to make it early.” This could be a more comfortable answer to offer
to close friends and family members because it is softer than simply saying no.
People want to be heard and understood, and this is a polite way to assert yourself and
say no.
Now, number 4 on this list is an important one. Stop Apologizing!
Say no with purpose the next time you say it. Don't apologize for having to prioritize.
Don't feel guilty for having to take care of something. You are speaking up for yourself,
and remember that if you do not speak up for yourself, no one else will.
Don't make a long list of excuses. It's tempting to justify your decision to
say no to anyone so that they understand your thinking. However, this has the opposite effect.
As soon as you begin explaining, you give the other person plenty of leeways to say,
"Oh, you can do that later," "You can change your schedule," or "That's not as important
as what I'm asking." Make a mental note of whether you're apologizing
and decide whether you're really at fault. Ask yourself whether or not you are to blame
for the situation. In most cases, the answer is no.
I want to point out - If you really want to take your life to the next level - there is
a link in the description for what I use and what helped me jump start being able to live
my best life and do it on my own terms. You should really check it out. There is a link
in the description. Now, Coming in at number 3 is to set clear
boundaries — and follow through. We all have physical or emotional limits,
and as a result of these limits, we must establish boundaries. Ask yourself what you're able
to do, and don't push yourself beyond those boundaries. Always, communicate your boundaries
clearly. Say what you're thinking and what you want.
Allowing someone to step across your boundaries without expressing your frustrations can cause
you to bottle up your negative feelings about a person...to the point that you have a blowup
and really damage someone's feelings or end the relationship.
For example, you might have a friend that is so emotionally needy and pessimistic that
they constantly call you with their problems and expect you to listen. But even just listening
is a favor... [and] every time you hang out, you're unhappy and they're relieved. Respect
your limits and, at some point, tell them you can't help them.
There are also subtle ways to maintain the boundaries. You could start answering every
other call and gradually wean yourself off of them. You can do the same thing if anyone
calls you at your busiest time of day. You might say, "I’m not able to chat at 2:30
because I'm at the office; let's schedule a time to talk." When setting up the time,
give one that fits best for you. Setting physical limits could mean reminding
someone that they can't just drop by whenever they want or borrow your things without asking.
Number 2 today is Don’t be scared of the fallout.
People-pleasers are always afraid that saying no would have devastating effects. However,
the consequences are rarely as terrible as we assume. In most cases, it is minimal. How
so? People, for example, are not as concerned with you as you believe. Usually, after you
say no, a person is more worried about who they will ask next for help than with your
apparent betrayal. Most people don’t think about you as much
as you think they do. They are busy living their life and worrying about their own problems.
Even if it is a big favor, Like being the best man or maid of honor. That’s a huge
commitment from you on many levels. Your time, money, energy, resources, and those things
you just might not have. That’s okay. Explain that you are happy they’ve asked, but you
don’t have the ability do to the role justice. If they are true friends, it won’t end your
relationship. By the way - If you have enjoyed our breakfast
brainfood together, consider Buying Me a Coffee and help support this channel. There is a
link in the description where you can do that.
And number one on our list and probably most important, easy way to stop being a people
pleaser is Practice Self-Care Once you know yourself and your needs, you
can start practicing self-care. Self-care is about allowing yourself the things that
make you feel refreshed, calm, and energized so you can succeed. This includes eating nutritious
foods, exercising, participating in enjoyable activities, and spending time with friends
and family. Meditation, yoga, practicing appreciation, having your hair and nails cleaned, and enjoying
a soothing bath may all be part of it. Self-care is not self-indulgent. In reality, taking
care of yourself allows you to give more to others.
Take time to do something you enjoy every day. Make sure you are rewarding yourself
and making yourself and your happiness a priority.
If you are thinking to yourself that you’re a people pleaser, when you see those situations
in front of you - keep these tips in mind. If you can start to put into practice just
a couple of these actions: Saying no - stop apologizing - be assertive and practice self-care
- you will quickly find the inner peace and happiness you’re looking for. You deserve
to be happy and live your best life. You’ve got this. Now go get it done.
Grab yourself some more brain food to help you level up and love your life & click on
one of the videos on your screen right now!