(Introduction)
Geoff: [quietly] Alright, everybody.
Jack: Alright I'm in the game!
Geoff: [in the background] Is everybody invited?
Ray: Did you, er-
Geoff: Jack stand on a block.
Jack: [sing-song] I'm gonna go stand on a block! [quieter] I'm gonna stand on this block.
Ray: Did you- Dyou make it invite only this time, Geoff?
Geoff: Yes.
Michael: Yeah. Hey, while I was, er-
Jack: [in the background] Staaanding on a block.
doing that I got a message from someone that said I'm a piece of shit.
Geoff: Oh, nice!
Jack: Hey!
[Everyone talks at once]
Jack: Tell your mom I say "Hello"
Geoff: Ray?
Ray: Yes?
Geoff: [sniggers]
Michael: I'll tell her later, Jack.
Ray: Yeeeeeeeeees! Best character skin again!
Geoff: Everybody here?
Jack: Which one am I? Oh, I'm Boris? God damn it.
Ray: Dude, I'm always Tuxedo Mask.
Geoff: I'm Unzombie, right?
Ray: Yeah.
Jack: Unzombie? [laughs]
Geoff: [laughs] That's what it is, right? It's the zombie that's not a zombie.
Jack: You're Steve.
Ray: Yeah, you're Steve.
Michael: Whoaaaaa!
Jack: Turn around, Michael.
Michael: What the fuck?
Geoff: Alright, Mr T, you c-
Michael: I just got eight achievements!
[shocked silence]
Ray: Did ya really? [Jack laughs]
Michael: Yeah!
Geoff: [laughs]
Michael: I just unlocked eight achievements for 220 gamer score! That's what it just said!
Jack: 220?
Michael: That's what it just said on my screen!
Ray: You're welcome! Geoff: That's awesome dude!
Jack: Nice.
Michael: I don't even know what that means. Hang on.
Geoff: [laughs in disbelief]
Jack: Alright, the world's still loading for me.
Ray: Alright, Let's Play's over! That's how you get those achievements. Go to achievementhunter.com for m-
Michael: It's just gimme all the achievements I was missing! In this game!
Geoff: That's bizarre, dude.
Jack: Alright-
Geoff: And we have it on record!
Jack: What are we doing?
Michael: Dude, IIIIIII am good, I just wanna say I fuckin'-
Ray: Oop!
Michael: I fuckin' a hundred percented Minecraft.
Ray: Michael's a gamesaver! Account reset!
[Everyone talks/laughs at once]
Geoff: It's fuckin' strip club dj, right there.
Jack: [mimicking techno music] Untz untz untz
Ray: Oh, I see what you did there.
Michael: [to himself] Wrong button. Oh, there we go.
Geoff: Alright!
[realises what's going on]
Oh! Yeah! Let's do that.
Ray: Yeah, let's do it.
Jack: [laughs]
Ray: Can this be a whole Let's Play? Let's do this for, like, 35 minutes.
Geoff: Uh, uh, uh! Poledancin'! Uh, uh!
Ok! Here's how it goes! Are you guys ready? You ready? Michael: Yeah!
Ray: Let me get my map!
Geoff: Alright!
Michael: I don't have a map! Ray: Now I'm ready.
Geoff: Beee- Yeah, you do it's in your inventory.
Ray: It's in your inventory.
Geoff: Be the first person...
Michael: [to himself] Ohh, I have a map.
Geoff: You guys ready for this?
Ray: I'm ready! Michael: Yeah!
Jack: Ready. Do it.
Geoff: Be the first person-
Hey!
Michael: [sniggers]
Jack: S-sorry.
Geoff: Not nice.
Jack: I didn't realise I could hit you that close.
Michael: [laughing quietly]
Geoff: Alright.
Jack: Be the first person.
Michael: [still laughing]
Geoff: Be the first person-
Geoff: I will remember that, Jack.
Ray and Michael: [laugh]
Jack: I'm sure you will. [quietly] Sorry.
Geoff Be the- Be the first person to...
cross over intotheNetherGO!
Jack: Ahhh!
Michael: Ok.
Ray: So, Michael, er-
Michael: [talking over him] I don't even know how to get there.
Geoff: Yeah, you'll figure it out. Ray: How you doing, Michael?
Geoff: Well you f-, g-, you g-, you've got the achievement for it so it shouldn't be too hard.
Michael: [giggles] That's true.
Let me think back to what I did, hang on.
Ray: You wanna, you wanna touch maps?
Michael: Let's do it.
Ray: Er, er, eh, AH!
Geoff: [inaudible] not gonna help you.
Alright, and you guys know there's multiple ways to get to the Nether.
Jack: Is there?
Geoff: Yeah.
Well, I mean,
Michael: Really?
multiple ways to create a Nether portal. You can, y-, ya know, mine
Michael: [in the background] Obviously?
obsidian with diamond or you can just do the, er, bucket trick.
Which, either way, you're gonna have to get at least iron
Ray: That's gonna, be, er-
Jack: And lava.
Ray: I don't see myself winning this in six minutes.
Geoff: Oh, shut up!
Oh? In six minutes?
Michael: In six minutes? Yeah.
[Everyone talks at once]
Ray: It's gonna take me... fuckin' three days to find iron.
Geoff: Oh, dude, if it takes you three days to find iron after it took you four seconds to find diamond,
I'm gonna beat you to death.
Michael: [laughs]
Geoff: Fuckin' hate you for that still.
Michael: I would love to see you beat Ray to death.
Geoff: [giggles]
Ray: I would not appreciate that.
Jack: Why d- Geoff, why are you following me?
Geoff: I'm not following you, I'm following the trees, dumbass.
Michael and Ray: Whoaaaaaa.
Jack: I j-
Geoff: I don't know if you noticed; we're on a fuckin' island.
Jack: I made it to the trees first.
Michael: I'm following-
Geoff: Er, fuckin', Captain Brags-a-lot! [mocking] Hey everybody, check it out, I made it to the trees first. Fucking milestone.
Michael: FIRST!
Jack: [sighs]
Geoff: [giggles]
Ray: Geoff, should we expect monsters of any kind?
Geoff: Er, yeah, we're playing on Hard.
Ray: Fucking god damn it.
Michael: Dude, I am gonna build a fuckin' tree-
Geoff: Whatdya think we're not gonna play on Hard?
Jack: Yes.
Geoff: Nah, fuck that, dude. Little bit of a challenge-
Jack: I've been playing on Peaceful on Joel's server-
Geoff: Yeah, I've been playing on Peaceful at home, too,
that's all, fuckin' fine and dandy
but it doesn't make Michael yell and scream when the a fuckin' creeper comin' atan him.
[Everyone talks at once]
Jack: Everything makes Michael yell and scream!
Geoff: That's true.
Ray: He just got all the achievements he has nothing to scream about.
Michael: Perfected! I perfected this game!
Geoff: God damn it, you little prick.
Jack: See, look-
Michael: [laughs]
he's yelling b-, he's yelling about perfecting the game!
Michael: One day, I'm gonna sit down...
and learn how to play this game.
Hey, can we, er, make Gavin edit this?
Since he's not even in it and he's coming back next week.
Geoff: Yeah, we can make Gavin do whatever we want to.
Michael: Sweet.
Jack: Can we make him wash my car? Geoff: Yeah!
Michael: [quietly] Can we make him be our friend?
Geoff: No.
Michael: Oh.
Geoff: [unenthusiastically] Goooo, Geoff.
Everyone else: [laughing]
Michael: [keeps laughing]
Geoff: [giggles]
Michael: Is that gonna revitalise the, er, video there, Geoff?
Geoff: Yeah.
Michael: [imitating] Goooo, Geoff.
[normal voice] Dya think, maybe, someone just saw a guy running on, like, thin ice
and they were like "It's Jesus!"?
Ray: Maybe.
Geoff: Dya- Do I think so? No, I don't.
Ray: I wasn't there, so I can't... comment.
Ray: Errrr
Geoff: Like th-they call that the Jesus Hoax.
Michael: [laughs]
Geoff: Jesus walked on water a couple of times, but only did it in January.
Michael: [still laughing]
Geoff: Alright! Er, I didn't specifically mention this, er, but, er...
Michael: Here we go.
Ray: New rule!
Geoff: [laughs] New rule; can't kill Geoff.
No, er, like last time, er,
and this should be obvious, er,
there are no rules.
Ray: Oh, ok.
Geoff: Do whatever you wanna do.
Michael: So, you can kill Geoff.
Geoff: Whatever you wanna- I guess you could kill me, if you wanted to. Yes. That-
Michael: Well, I would never do that.
Geoff: Thank you. Michael: [quietly] I could, if I wanted to.
Geoff: That is, I mean, the first person to step into the Nether is the first person to step into the Nether.
And that's all it- that's all it is.
How the fuck do I make wood?
Michael and Ray: [inaudible]
Geoff: How do I- Why isn't the coal working?
I though it was fuckin' sticks and-
Michael: You don't know how to make coal? [laughs]
Jack: I just figured it out too. I'm not gonna tell you.
Michael and Ray: Ohhhhhhh!
Geoff: I-It's wood on wood?
Michael: Fucking no rules means he doesn't have to tell Geoff how to make coal.
Geoff: There we go!
I got that shit! Suck my nuts.
Assholes.
Ray: Is that a rule?
Geoff: Yes.
Jack: [laughs]
Geoff: That's another rule.
Ray: Is that part of getting into the Nether?
Geoff: [not listening] Can I continue to use wood as ore? Yeah? I can. Fuck.
Ray: Sup. [laughs] Just a black guy with an axe!
Jesus Christ!
Jack and Michael: [laugh]
Ray: I've seen movies about this!
Geoff: [laughing quietly]
Ray: Hey-
Jack: Nothing ends well, with that-
Geoff: [laughs louder]
Michael: [quietly] That's funny.
Gavin, make sure you cut to Ray's screen there.
Geoff: [laughs louder still]
Ray: Meant to check out this river you were speaking of-
Michael: [much louder] Whoo, shit!
Lava!
Geoff: Er, you'll need that, for the Nether.
Jack: Smelly Red Head just sent me a message. [laughs]
Everyone: [Joins in]
Geoff: Hey, everybody! Just so you know, Michael's got lava!
Michael: Well, I don't have a bucket.
Geoff: He doesn't have a bucket.
Michael: I have a fuckin' pickaxe and some wood.
Does that help?
Ray: Well, yeah, you can just...
Michael: Can I put the lava in the wood and come back to it later?
Ray: Perhaps.
Jack: So, you have to get to the Nether? That's the-
Geoff: First person to step into the Nether.
Jack: Ok.
Ray: Michael, where are you, you were right next to me and now you're like-
Michael: I know! I'm like forty miles under the Earth!
Ray: What the fuck?
Michael: Fuckin' me and Brendan Fraser, again(!)
Geoff: [laughs]
Michael: How're you? I'm sorry-
Ray: Geoff, do you still not like Brendan Fra- What the fuck just hit me?
Michael: I feel like we may have said some things-
Ray: AW! I'm dead!
I'm dead. I'm dead.
Fuck.
Everyone: [snort laughing]
Geoff: [gibberish]
Are you dead though?
Ray: I'm... not alive.
Michael: [quietly] Ray, you alright?
Ray: [quietly] I'm, no.
So, Michael, don't go up, from where you're currently at.
Oh, what's up! Creeper orgy!
Michael: OH, FUCK! Don't go down, either, cause there's lava in the floor!
Ray: Fucking creeper orgy! Jesus Christ!
Geoff: [laughs] "Creeper orgy"?
Ray: There's three of 'em here!
Their weewees are out!
What do I do?
What would-
Michael: HOLY CRAP!
OHHHH SHIT! OH MY GOSH!
Geoff: [snort laughs]
Jack: Jesus Christ.
This just got way too excited, I think.
Geoff: Ahhh, fuck, there's a-
Ray: Look at my fucking screen!
Michael: Dude!
Geoff: Fuckin' creeper...
Michael: My, my menu was open-
Ray: Look at my screen!
when I caught on fire.
Geoff: [away from the mic] What the hell?
Ray: Just. fuckin', they won't leave me alone.
Geoff and Jack: [laugh]
Jack: They like you.
Michael: Dude, if your menu's open when you're on fire,
your character, in the menu, gets set on fire.
Ray: That's pretty cool.
Michael: I just found that out.
Jack: I just found-
Ray: Hey!
[Everyone talks at once]
Geoff: Can you imagine if you jizzed coal?
Ray: [pained noise]
Jack: [laughs] No?
Geoff: That would be so gross!
Jack: No, I cannot imagine that.
Ray: Dyou think there's like a niche audience for that? Like in the porn mar- industry?
Geoff: Yes.
Michael: Yeah.
Dude, check it out.
Geoff: There's four or five-
Michael: [inaudible]
Ray: There's a spider behind you!
Michael: I don't care! Make it rain!
Make it rain! [laughs]
Ray: Y-, you, that spider is not... a fan of your work.
Don't leave 'im to me!
Michael: [laughs]
Fuckin' asshole!
Geoff: Come on, daytime, be more daytime!
Ray: Jesus Christ.
Ehhhhhh, oooooh, go away!
Go away! He didn't transform!
Michael: [laughs]
Ray: I threw all my roses and he didn't transform.
Geoff and Michael: [laugh]
Ray: [faking anger] That show's a lie!
Fuck!
Everyone else: [laughing]
Ray: Get away from me! You're a fucking asshole!
Michael: [gasping for air] I fucking ran a spider right into Ray.
Geoff: [laughs]
Jack: I can hear monsters.
Ray: I'm back to square one again!
Jack: I need lava!
Michael: Somehow I feel like if I die and I respawn
and I have nothing, I'm further than where I was.
Geoff and Jack: [laugh]
Jack: Aw, you sonuvabitch.
Geoff: [laughs at own prank]
Jack: Geoff, you little cocksucker.
Geoff: [still laughing]
Jack: I knew something like that was gonna happen.
Geoff: [laughs hysterically]
Ray: What happened?
Jack: He just poured water down my, my mine I'm working on.
Ray: Oh.
Geoff: Now I see why Gavin does it!
It's hilarious!
Geoff: [giggling]
Michael: Geoff's making up for the lack of Gavin.
Geoff and Ray: Yeah.
Jack: I like how you made a bucket and that was your first fuckin' goal.
Geoff: [still giggling]
Well, I'll also use it for the Nether.
Geoff: ["innocent" humming]
Ray: Can we do first to find sugar cane?
Geoff: [humming continues]
Michael: Can we do first to find... roses?
Geoff: [laughs] First to find sugar cane?
Michael: And-
Jack: Go away!
Geoff and Jack: [laugh]
Geoff: [more hysterical laughter at own prank]
Jack: [sighs]
Michael: There's a cow.
Geoff: [drowns Michael out with laughter]
Michael: If we had a map, we could find you guys.
Geoff: Do you have a bucket?
Jack: Not yet.
Geoff: [manic laughter]
That's awesome.
Jack: You can kill water without a bucket, you know that, right?
Geoff: Yeah? How dyou do it?
Jack: You just place something over the source block.
Geoff: [confused noise]
Everyone else: [laughing]
Geoff: AHHH! Fuck! A skeleton! Why is it in my thing!?
Ray: Good, good for you.
Jack: Cause you're a bad person, that's why!
Geoff: [quietly] Damn it.
Imma go ah-, I'm gonna mine with you, Jack.
Jack: Fuck you! Stay the fuck away!
Michael: So, like-
Ray: No, that's not gonna happen.
Jack: Fuck off! No!
Get away from my shit!
Go do your own shit!
Geoff: I can't! There's a skeleton in my place!
What am I gonna do?
Ray: You guys should join forces and take down the skeleton!
Geoff: [chuckles]
Ray: You gotta start somewhere.
Michael: If I can build a bucket,
you guys are fucked.
Geoff and Jack: [giggling]
Geoff: God damn it.
Jack: Get the fuck away!
Geoff: I was tryna mine down-
Jack: I know! You're fucking hitting my shit, go away!
Geoff: I don't care about your shit!
Dude, you don't own the world!
Jack: Go away!
Michael and Ray: Ohhhhhhh.
Michael: I don't see your name on it, Jack!
Geoff: It;s called fuckin', this world's called "Nether", it's not called "Jack's a Dickhead"!
Ray: Ohhhhh.
Geoff: Ohhhh, shit.
Ray: It's... not called that.
Geoff: Alright, I got some, I got enough wood now-
Michael: OHHH! God! Holy crap!
I fell in a hole and there's a skeleton.
He has a bow and arrow.
Let's fight!
Fuckin' kicked his ass.
Luckily I had a sword, dude.
Ray: You should probably just Shaq kick him over and over again.
Michael: Hoooly fuck, that frightened me.
That guy shit his pants. He was just hangin' out
and he was like "Oh my god!" and then an unstoppable warrior was dropped in front of him.
Geoff: Who was the unst-
Michael: It was me; I killed him.
Geoff: Oh!
Ray: Oh. What's your warrior name?
Michael: Er, Mogar.
Everyone else: [laughs]
Geoff: 'S a good name.
Jack: [in mock dramatic voice] Mogar, the unstoppable.
Michael: Dude, I got coal and flint?
Geoff: Whoa, you're set(!)
That'd be a cool name; Flint Coal.
Ray: Would it, though?
Geoff: Be a, yeah, you'd be like a, er, international private investigator, mystery ty-
Michael: Er, you'd have to be black, though, right?
Geoff: I don't think so. You're racist.
Michael: You think a w- [Ray laughs]
That's not racist, You can't have a white guy named Flint Coal.
Geoff: Why not?
Michael: It just doesn't work out that way.
Geoff: You're anti-white.
Geoff and Michael: [laugh]
Michael: You're right, I hate you whiteys.
Michael: [dramatic voice] Flint Coal!
[normal voice] He'd have his own soda too.
It'd be Flint Cola.
Geoff: [chuckles]
Michael: [snort laughs]
Ray: I hope you get hit by a bus.
Geoff: This doesn't get any dumber.
Michael: That was awesome! Shut up! [laughs]
Geoff: Looks like a fuckin'- Creeper: [explodes
Jack: Ah! Fuck!
Ray: Sounds like a creeper. Jack: Ow!
Geoff: What's wrong, buddy? You get creeped?
Jack: I got creeped.
Geoff: Sounded like a creeper explosion.
Ray: [laughs] "You get creeped"?
Geoff: OH! Oh fuck!
Ohhhh fuck!
Jack: [mocking] What happen, buddy, you get creeped? Uhh!
Geoff: [still panicked] No, I fell through a hole!
Oh my god!
Jack: Aw, balls!
Fucking creepers! Oh, shit!
Geoff: Aw, fuck.
Michael: [mocking] You get creeped?
Geoff: [slowly calming down] Oh, fuck.
Michael: Well, something just exploded.
Ray: Well, everybody said it so...
[mocking halfheartedly] Dyou get creeped, Geoff?
Geoff: Dude, there is nothing worse than falling through a fucking black ass hole.
And not knowin' what the bottom.
Jack: Hey! Black ass!
Michael: [shocked laughter] What!?
Geoff: Good lord! Jack: [laughs]
Ray: Fuckin'-
Michael: You know, I was gonna say "why's the hole gotta be black?"
but I figured we'd said that too many times this Let's Play-
Ray: Not for Jack!
and then Jack just yells "Black ass!". [laughs]
Michael: It's a Half Baked quote, jackass.
Michael: Yeah, but you st-, you still said it.
Geoff: Also, just cause you quote something, doesn't mean the quote's not horrible.
Hitler said a lot of stuff I wouldn't repeat...
in mixed company.
Jack: But- [Others laugh] not mixed company would be ok, then?
Geoff: Blond haired, blue eyed company, it's totally fine.
Michael: Wooow. Jack: [laughs]
Michael: Edit that in.
Jack: [clears throat]
Geoff: Seriously, though? That guy?
Dickhead.
Michael: Dyou think he left parties, people-
Geoff: Just so we're all on the same page.
where like "Thank God! I couldn't wait for him to leave!"
Geoff: [chuckles]
Michael: [as party host] "Do you wanna stay for dessert?"
Geoff: [more chuckling]
Michael: [as Hitler] Nien.
[as host] [suppressed] Yes!
Everyone else: [laughing]
Geoff: [joyful laughter drowning out Michael]
Geoff: Awww, fuuuck.
It's a fuckin' orgy of coal.
Geoff: Just fuckin' punch your way out, dude.
Michael: I'm doing it.
Geoff: Just fuckin' American action style
Michael: Mogar doesn't need any fucking-
Geoff: [wheezing laugh]
Michael: Mogar doesn't need any goddamn pickaaxe!
I don't know why I ever cut to my screen.
On a Let's Play.
Everyone else: [laughing]
Michael: I really, like,
I gotta imagine people that even remotely play Minecraft wanna shoot themselves in the head.
Geoff: Yeah, it's prob'ly not doin' you any favours.
Michael: It's ok.
Jack: Y-
Geoff: Awww, fuck!
Awww, shit!
Shit on shit! That's it!
Michael: [deadpan] "Oh, fuck." [Ray joins in] Shit on shit."
Geoff: That's right(!)
Michael: "Shit on shit. That's it."
The new single by Geoff Lazer Ramsey. [laughs]
Geoff: Don't be, fuckin', stealin' my tunes.
Ray: [inaudible]
Michael: Why don't you build like an-
If I build an archway of dirt and
run through it and pretend-
Everyone else: [laughing]
Jack: Wave your arms...
Michael: Like, we all saw Hook, right?
I mean, that food was real!
Geoff: [tut]
Ray: You know who else was real?
Rufio.
Jack: Bangarang Rage Quit.
Geoff: [giggling]
Ray: Why'd you, er... I'm really, like, scared to just mine down,
because I know we're on Hard and-
Jack: I know.
Michael: Wait, what?
you could fuckin' lose everything.
Jack: I'm a little terrified-
Ray: Yeah, yeah, we're on Hard.
to be building.
Ray: Obviously monsters are gonna be in the caves.
Michael: I thought you said "I know I'm hard."
Ray: That's a fact!
Geoff: [laughing]
Michael: I was like-
Ray: Dude! Solid two right now.
This mine sucks! There's nothing in here but cobblestone.
Michael: Yeah?
Ray: [noncommittal noise]
Michael: Well, you sound like Joe Pesci.
Geoff: [laughing]
[quiet giggles]
Michael: OH!
Oh, oh oh, oh, oh oh...
Oh, lava, oh my god, don't pour down!
Don't pour down on me.
OH MY GOD!
Is it coming down?
YEAH, it is!
Oh, SHIT!
Geoff and Jack: [laughing]
Ohhhh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit, oh shit!
Ohhhh, it's coming down the fuckin' hole!
Ray: Put a block to stop it. Put a wood block to stop it.
Jack: Where's Michael at? [laughs in realisation]
Geoff: [laughs]
Michael: OHHHH FUCK! More lava!
Geoff: [chuckling]
Michael: I went up! I went up. I went so far up from the last fuckin' lava batch.
Geoff: [mutterring to self]
AH! AH!
No! [rising in pitch] No! Ah! Ahhh noooo!
Michael: You dead?
Geoff: [very high-pitched] No!
Jack: I told you we should probably save it and
[mocking gibberish]
Geoff: [high-pitched noise of shock]
Michael: [snort laughs]
Ray: What happened, Geoff?
Jack: You okay?
Geoff: [high-pitched] I got killed!
Michael: [laughs] Dyou have any idea where your stuff was?
Geoff: Shouldn't I spawn at the same place every time?
Michael: You always say that!
That doesn't happen!
Jack: If you, if you make a bed, yes.
Geoff: [high pitched noise]
Jack: Is all your shit gone?
Geoff: [high-pitched noise]
Jack: [laughs]
Geoff: Where's the spawn?
Michael: [laughs]
Geoff: Where's the start?
Michael: He's like freaking out right now.
Ray: Remeber when you had that redstone?
Geoff: Awww, fuck, dude! I got five minutes to get to my shit!