My first NDE happened when I was about 5 or 6 years old.
I was playing with my sister in a sand park in Paris.
My sister was on top of a spider made of ropes.
I was climbing the spider to join her.
I suddenly felt weird and remember telling my sister that I wasn’t okay.
I had a huge heartache and fell off the spider.
I left my body.
I don’t remember much about my first NDE.
I do remember the feeling of unimaginable speed, being inside a tunnel, and seeing many
pictures.
I also recall no pain when I left my body.
I came back to my body just as fast as I left it.
I was so cold.
When I opened my eyes, I came back.
I had sand in my mouth.
I told you about the situation of my first NDE because after that, I went back to that
place quite often.
I will use “I went back” or “I went” or “go” because I am not sure how to describe
this place without distorting or damaging it, because it is not a place.
It’s not there, or down there, or up there.
It is everywhere.
It’s far and so close at the same time.
I remember telling my mother that every time I left, I died.
But she was convinced that I had a health problem.
She brought me to at least a dozen specialists.
They never found anything wrong with me.
Except the last specialist, who told me that I was just falling because of a disconnection
of my vagus nerve.
He explained that it is as if two cables were disconnecting and that was what made me lose
consciousness.
I believed the specialist and my mother.
After all, what could I know about it at 12 years old?
I left another time after the diagnosis, but I remember it.
I just know that I went back.
Over time, I came to believe that my travels were only created by my imagination.
Despite the fact that it seemed so real to me, all the memories of my travels slowly
faded away.
Only the memory of that tunnel and all those photos remained.
I was immersed in the reality of this life, and felt that nothing happened, making my
travels like a distant dream.
I found myself trapped in a simple vision of life, locked in a very small world.
These experiences were more of an escape for my imagination, my fantasy.
Several years later, when I was about 16 years old, I went back there.
It was one night when I was with a few friends.
We were all sitting in front of the TV.
I was sitting on the sofa next to my boyfriend of this moment.
We were watching a movie called “Fight Club”.
The film was violent and during a combat scene, I started to feel bad.
I immediately asked to stop the movie because I was not well.
Everything around me became blurry, and the sounds became distant.
I felt like I was leaving my body, and I knew that I was going back there.
It was as if everything was coming back to me.
But I was so afraid because I remembered the pain when I went there.
And indeed, the same pain happened to me, as if my heart stopped beating.
It was as if my heart was turning on itself, inside my chest.
It is the most physical pain I have felt in my entire life, and every time it is the same.
I looked at is as a price to pay to go there.
I’ve always thought that the pain could be comparable to a heart attack, but I’m
not sure.
After the pain, everything changed.
I left my body and didn’t look back at my physical body because I didn’t want to.
I looked only at the tunnel and at the light.
I was drawn into that tunnel.
I knew this place and everything about it.
I had no more questions, no more fears, and no more anxiety.
I felt only a relief and a peace that was permeating me.
I was no longer afraid of pain or afraid of anything, because I remembered this place.
I was rapidly riding into the tunnel.
The walls of this tunnel were as before, mainly covered with photos.
I was physically in all the pictures, but I didn’t recognize myself in all of them.
I remember stopping to take a closer look at one of these pictures.
In the picture, I was with several people, sitting in the back of a red convertible,
and driving in a sunny spot.
There were five of us in the car, and we were all happy.
We were laughing together.
I didn’t recognize myself and the others, I just know it was me.
With reflection, I have come to think that these photos could be images of my previous
lives memories that are stored on the energetic fence of my soul.
Analogous to if the tunnel represented the walls of my Soul and when I arrived there
I was in a state of pure spirit.
Sitting on the red convertible, my physical body was totally different from the one I
have today.
That’s why the photo affected me that much and surely because it contained an important
memory.
In the tunnel everything went so fast.
But somehow, I had the time to see all the photos if I wanted to.
There was no time.
It was like time no longer existed and that it never existed.
I feel that only in the non-physical state can a person understand this notion of “without
time” or the non-existence of time because it seems impossible to describe it on Earth.
At the end of the tunnel, I found myself in a totally white place made of light.
Nothing there was material, only the immense, white light.
There was no end or beginning.
It was like being inside an infinite sea of light, with gentle pink waves.
The light was not blinding and it was so beautiful.
And above all, it was so warm.
This white place was full of love, sweetness, warmth and peace.
But I felt Love at its highest when three immense columns of light came in front of
me.
These columns of light were esoteric beings.
I have never felt a love such as this one.
The love that they have for me and that I have for them, is indescribable.
No one on Earth knows me more than they do and I know no one more than I know them.
I am part of them as they are a part of myself.
Even my sister, with who I am very close, and even my mother, seemed and still seem
to me like strangers compared to the three of these Beings.
I know there are many more of these Beings where I come from.
They are my family.
I cannot describe this love because, it can only be felt as it exceeds our understanding
of love on earth.
Nothing can be used to compare it.
The love we have on Earth is not really love, it is rather an educational love to teach
us what Love is.
We destroy love, we condition it, we suppress it, and we change it, thinking we know what
love is.
But Love is everything, love does everything, and love must be understood.
Love is totally misunderstood and Earth is a great school and opportunity to teach us
about Love.
These three pure Beings spoke to me in a different language.
They used my thoughts but it was different than thoughts.
They reminded me that I had chosen to be incarnate on Earth and that I had to go back.
I already knew that by being by their side, everything was coming back to me.
They gave me so much love.
I was at home and I badly wanted to stay.
I didn’t want to leave, but I had to go back.
That’s how it had to be.
I remember laughing a lot with them.
They understood me.
They knew the difficulty of an incarnation, as well as I knew it before I incarnated on
Earth.
I was so small compare to them.
I didn’t see them entirely; they were too tall.
It was like being at the foot of Hyperion, the highest tree of the world.
Or it was like looking at a cloud that grew from the soil of Earth to rise up to the heavens.
I didn’t see their faces, hands, or their legs.
I don’t even know if they have any.
They are light; love is light - I know that.
A beautiful, pure column of light, that’s the only way I can describe them.
I know now, that the place where I met them was just a wonderful transition place.
It was like a cross between several worlds and surely a cross between several universes.
But I can tell you that even in this place of transition, no cravings exist, no fears,
and no lacking for anything.
I had everything.
I was everything and I didn’t need anything.
I knew it and I understood.
Everything was simple, in its place.
Everything was pure and unconditional love.
There were no rules, and all decisions belonged to me.
Nobody decided for me.
These three beautiful Beings helped me get back to Earth.
I don’t know how long I was there for; it could have been a month was like a second,
or a year like a day.
It’s impossible to say.
So, I went back.
I had to.
I went down that tunnel and looked at the pictures.
I can’t tell if they were the same pictures, but they were there.
After the tunnel, I came into the living room and was on the ceiling.
My physical body was lying on the couch and all my friends were around me.
They were stressed while moving and touching my body.
When I returned to my body it was very difficult and I was in pain.
It was a physical pain but also, a pain in my soul.
I was choking, feeling uncomfortable and cold.
The contrast was like being in a huge lake of pure, clear, and warm water, with this
pure water becoming me, covering me with love, extending my being to the sky.
Then suddenly, finding myself inside a small box open to a dark rainy sky, in a deserted
cold street in town, where every drop of rain that fell on me, brought ice into every inch
of my blood.
I opened my eyes.
I wanted to cry and leave.
I saw my friends above me.
They were panicked, talking to me, moving and waiting for an answer from me.
But I didn’t want to answer.
I was upset as if it was their fault I had to come back.
Of course, they had nothing to do with this.
The upset feeling lasted only a few seconds.
During the next hour, I felt very tired and spoke very little.
It was as if the effort of speaking weighed me down and my tongue felt heavy as iron.
I just asked one question, 'How long I was gone for?' and Paul said, '40 or 50 seconds.'
It was incredible; I felt like I was gone for 10 years!
These trips are the greatest experiences of my life.
Nothing will reach the height of my feelings and emotions during these moments.
I am sure that I have been there all the other times before the 'diagnosis.'
Unfortunately, I have just a very few memories of my other travels.
It is difficult to adapt to Earth after coming back from a much higher and evolved place.
I think I’ve never really adapted to this world; I live and try to do my best to complete
why I’ve come for.
Of course, I tried to escape this reality through ingesting drugs and alcohol.
I experienced depression and a desire for death, but I would have never killed myself
since I know how life is important and precious.
I spent all those years waiting for the end of this life, wasting my time.
I think my incarnation down here is more difficult than I thought, the loneliness is so heavy.
I started writing and I’m going to finish this book that I began writing three years
ago.
With my book I travel and I see different worlds and planets, places where I am sure
I have been before.
Some will surely tell me it’s all the fruit of my imagination, but to me, imagination
is more than a fruit.
Imagination creates and is real and powerful.
It is a door to memories and places that only the unconscious sees.
I have not spoken about my NDE to my mother, my sister, or to my friends.
It was only recently that I had a desire to communicate on this subject.
I want to talk about it, share it, and stop my silence.
But it is difficult for me to find an open mind with attentive ears for such stories.
Only our testimonies of NDE can offer us a tiny answer, like a perfume among the fragrances
of billions of flowers.