Hello and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend,
a never-ending quest to find someone
who will meet with me outside of a podcast studio.
You'll get there. And share a bowl of soup.
Everyone in here, have you noticed this?
Everybody in here talks a good game.
Yeah.
But not much happens outside the podcast studio,
and the times that I reach out...
Well, let's just say, I don't hear much back.
Really, there have been a couple times
where you've actually had a thing with a guest,
like, "I'm really gonna talk to you,
we're gonna go out to dinner" and that kind of thing,
and those have not happened. Yeah, exactly.
And that's something I learned in the old late night game.
Years and years ago.
I'd get fooled because they'd come out,
we'd welcome the guest, and the guest would come out,
the star would come out and they'd lock eyes with me
and smile and embrace me and sit and hang on every word.
And those are all the cues that you get
in high school when someone really likes you.
Mm.
But I'm in a fake environment.
Yeah.
And so, afterwards, I'd think,
"You know who really likes me? Harrison Ford."
(people laughing)
That's gotta be tough.
He thinks I'm the bee's knees. He hung on every word.
And then, later on, when I see him squeezing avocados,
and I jump out and say, "It's me, your old buddy!"
And hug him, suddenly I'm getting karate chopped
in the throat? Right.
By a rugged leading man. That's not right.
No.
Now some people have said, "Don't jump out
at people and hug them." Right, right.
Approach quietly and introduce yourself as a grownup.
But no, I think the flaw is not with me.
Well, you said in the very beginning
you wanna share a bowl of soup.
So I think that's problematic too.
I don't think you should text people and be like,
"Hey, you wanna share a bowl of soup?"
Something that involves slurping and hunched shoulders.
And germs going into the same bowl.
I don't know, you gotta get a new approach.
Yeah, why don't you do what everybody else is doing
and play pickleball or something?
Yeah, you know what, I don't know this pickleball thing.
Oh.
And I've had people explain it to me.
My sister-in-law is deep.
And I know that it's become kind of a mania.
Yeah.
Everyone's playing pickleball.
My only question is do you have to take off your shirt?
What? Why?
I saw a photograph somewhere of people playing pickleball
and they were all stripped to the waist.
Just the fellas, but I thought, "Well, I can't take off--"
I think that was hide the pickle.
What's that?
I think that was hide the pickle.
You always go to the same place. You dirty, dirty man.
I always have to be dressed, like in a suit.
Right. Whenever I play.
Like a full business suit. Like a real jock.
Like a business suit.
Oh. [Conan] Yeah.
No, I don't know anything about the game,
but people go nuts for it.
Yeah, it's sweeping the nation.
Well, it sounds like a room full of non-pickleball players.
I've played it a couple times, I'm sorry,
I mean I have played it with--
my sister-in-law is really into it,
and when you get into it, you get into it.
I think it's like playing tennis,
but it's not as much movement,
and so, it's still athletic, but it's not like tennis.
Is it just boomer tennis?
It might be kind of boomer tennis--
It's slacker tennis. Yeah.
I think it's tennis, but no one has
to really move and at any moment you could just walk away
but still insist on getting paid.
And it's doubles, usually.
Wait a minute, I switched topics.
It became about the economy. These kids today!
This reminds me, and this is just completely random,
but you know that Sona used to play dodgeball.
Yeah.
Back in the day, pre-podcast,
this is before you met your husband, the wonderful Tak.
Mm-hmm.
Sona was in a dodgeball league.
Yeah.
And the thing I remember the most
is every time I asked her, "How did it go?"
She'd say, "Ugh, I got red carded."
Yeah.
Because she was constantly losing it on people.
I was.
And this is something that I wanna explain,
because people listen to the podcast,
and I've had people come up to me and say,
"Oh, you know, Sona's such a saint
that she puts up with your foolishness."
Oh, you wanna destroy that right now?
No, no, not destroy it.
But people have this idea that,
"Oh, Sona's got a book out that's doing really well."
New York Times bestseller.
What they don't-- I'm an author.
Mm. Really?
Is New York Times bestseller really a way
to tell how a book's doing?
Oh wait. (Sona laughing)
It says here it's exactly the way
to tell how a book's doing.
It's actually New York Times
with just a watch store in Times Square.
It's on their bestseller list.
No, but, she's had all this success
and she's got her own-- you're probably selling foods now
on the Internet. [Matt] Oh yeah.
I'm doing the least amount of work I can.
But anyway, people don't realize
that Sona has a terrible temper and you can hear it snap.
Had.
You had, now, did it go away?
It-- Be honest.
There's very few people that can bring it out of me,
and you are one of them. Oh.
For the most part, I'm pleasant
to everybody else, except--
Like, this?
I'm just putting a finger up.
I know. To make a point!
I know.
But you do things and you just press these little buttons.
Okay.
And you know what to do, and I start to see red.
But, be honest.
Would you say that when you would lose your temper,
this is before this wonderful life that you have now,
you had really-- I'd go fucking crazy.
[Conan] You'd go fucking crazy.
And I've seen it happen. I never got physical.
I never got physical, I never got into a fight.
But I've yelled at a lot of people.
Yeah.
[Sona] And, you know, yeah, I have.
But I think now, I've seen her transform.
I haven't seen that side of you in quite awhile.
I do breathing exercises now.
That's serious. I do breathing exercises.
And this is for your temper?
Yeah. Have your kids seen it?
Have they seen mom lose it yet?
No, no, I really don't wanna lose it in front of them.
If I'm on the road and I'm driving
and someone cuts me off or upsets me,
I just immediately just start breathing,
if someone pisses me off.
I've been in the passenger seat with Sona
when someone would just slightly cut us off
and what she always says, which is the clue
that she's been triggered, is, "Really!?"
She goes, "Really!?"
And then suddenly you're Gene Hackman
in The French Connection.
You're driving about 150 miles an hour
through 1970s New York,
which is strange. Wow, impressive.
Yeah, she actually changes the time space around us,
and you're going under that raised subway--
There's a guy in a Santa suit.
And, yeah, exactly.
And she's like-- (high-pitched grunt)
And then we're going and I'm with her.
A national treasure. (Sona scoffing)
Who could be lost at any moment.
Oh, God.
But anyway, it's horrifying.
[Sona] Well, don't--
But you're not that person anymore.
I'm not, but can you admit that you do things sometimes
to just rile me up?
My guest today is a very funny
actor/comedian. Ohh...
We gotta get going, don't we?
I know, but you know you do. You know you do.
Nope, not at all. You know you do.
Nope. He's doing it right now.
You're doing it right now.
Maybe a little less gabby gabby right now?
Oh, go, Sona, go!
(Sona laughing) Unleash! Go!
It's like the Hulk. [Matt] Let it out.
Maybe! Let it out!
Maybe you should just-- (Sona laughing)
[Matt] I think the Cones is laughing at you.
[Conan] Maybe a little less talky walky?
I can't. I'm gonna breathe.
Maybe a little less... Sona talk.
(Sona exhaling) (Matt laughing)
That's a breathing exercise?
Yeah, I think you're giving birth.
You're like a hobo sleeping under an apple tree.
(Conan exhaling)
That was a good pie I stole!
(Sona laughing) (Conan exhaling)
Oh, you're the worst, you know that you are the worst.
You know that you are, that's okay, though.