(cards shuffling)
(clicking)
- Let's do another question.
What do you think life is teaching
our relationship right now?
- I think that we need each other more than ever,
and this pandemic is bringing us closer again,
'cause I haven't talked to you in awhile,
and then here we are talking at least every other day.
- Yeah, it's usually, happy birthday,
oh thanks, happy birthday, love you, love you too.
- Or wish I could see you.
- Right, and it's not disingenuous,
it's just like, it's we don't have
the luxury that we used to have.
- Show me something around you right now
that would help me better understand
your current state of mind.
- Oh, God, here we go.
So we have peroxide, and nasal sprays,
and I think just because I happen to be in the bathroom.
(clunking)
That's a potty.
(laughing)
Because I happen to be in a bathroom.
This was the quietest place for me to go,
but I mean, probably this place,
'cause the moment we go to work and then we come home
we'd go straight for the bathroom,
strip your clothes off, goes in the hamper,
goes into whatever, just because you don't want to.
Like this was a practice that we were doing anyway,
it was just extra vigilance and cleaning and disinfecting,
but now it's just become like an over awareness,
which is in this case very good,
whereas before it would've been seen as an OCD thing,
which I know you can relate to,
because you used to make your own hand sanitizer
and baby wipes and hand wipes and all that stuff.
- Still do.
(laughing)
- See, you knew something way before everyone else did.
But yeah, so that's our current situation
and state of mind.
Okay, how about you, what do you have in your situation?
- Well, I just picked up some prescriptions
to help with my cough,
but under my pillow I keep a thermometer
and a little notepad so I can monitor
my symptoms, my fevers.
I just have it from, and my pulse ox,
'cause I have that right here too.
- When did you order that, and how long did it take?
- I got the pulse ox.
- Yeah.
- I bought this in January.
Right before my family left
for the Philippines I bought this,
'cause I was like, for some reason I feel like
I'm gonna need this, yeah.
- Very intuitive.
- Yeah.
- I tried to buy one today,
and nothing was coming up, so.
- You can't find it anywhere.
- Yeah.
- You can't even get Tylenol anywhere.
- No.
Good, well you're obviously the better prepared person.
(laughing)
- Well I figured if anything were to happen to me,
I have to watch myself,
'cause I can't have my parents or my sister do it.
- Right, it's like. - Yeah.
- In the airplane putting on your mask for you.
- It's the truth. - Yeah.
- And then to use that now, more than ever,
put your mask on before you try to save other people.
You have to save yourself first.
- You don't know what you're going up against, literally.
- Yeah. - Like who or what.
- Yeah. - Well done, soldier nurse.
You deserve a purple heart.
I just think you should know that.
- I don't think so.
- Well, you don't know that yet,
but we're not through the woods.
- I mean it's just the beginning,
but I myself have been quarantined for over a week.
- But it feels like month.
- It feels like forever,
and I feel like I'm not there in a vital part,
'cause everything's changing at work right now.
- Oh, really?
That's sad.
- If we had no PPE from before,
we certainly do not have any now.
- So, when I was on the unit,
they were reusing their gowns, and I was like.
So they sent me there as a runner
so I could help them make sure that
they're taking their stuff on and off and on and off,
and I was like oh, I feel like an annoying babysitter,
but one of them just kept going in and out of the rooms,
and I said, "Hold on, hold on, hold on,
"I think you have to take those off,"
and she goes, "Actually, at this point
"we're allowed to keep them on,
"'cause we're going from COVID to COVID to COVID,
so it doesn't really matter."
I was just like, wow that sucks,
and then the charge nurse and then the charge nurse said,
"Actually, we diverted one of our shipments of PPE
"to a New York hospital."
- Mm.
- So I was like, yo, like it can't get any realer than this.
Anyway.
(groaning)
- Yeah.
Now, hearing from my coworkers
and learning the circumstances
and hearing about all of my coworkers who are getting sick,
it makes me feel like more angry.
- Mm-hmm.
- And disgusted. - Right.
- I feel let down.
I feel like, you can't call me a hero,
because this morning when we were texting in that group chat
I was like, do I need to quit my job?
- Oh.
- Because I wanna help. - Mm-hmm.
- But you gotta save yourself first, right.
- Yes, yeah.
- You have to save, I wanna save my parents.
- Yeah.
- Like my dad, he gets sicks all the time.
He gets sick so quickly that I hear him coughing upstairs
and I'm just like, did I do this?
- No, come on, you know.
- I know, I mean I know I didn't.
They reassure me because I've been on isolation
since we first opened, and they weren't even home yet.
- Right.
- But they reassure me, or I don't know, I don't know,
but they tell me that he had that cough
when he was in the Philippines, so.
- Right.
- You know, but I can't be sure,
and I don't wanna be the reason
why anything happens to them.
I don't know if I could live with myself.
- Right.
Well, I get it, but going to work,
these hospitals are not gonna run themselves,
so I think you will know when it's too much for you.
- The hospitals aren't gonna run itself,
but it's infuriating because
a lot of my coworkers are out because they're sick.
- Right.
- So if you're not giving us
the supplies to protect ourselves,
there's not gonna be anyone to take care of anyone.
- Right, there's no caregivers.
- Yeah.
- No healthcare providers.
- What do you think is the most
challenging thing for me during this pandemic,
and what can you do to support my better?
- For you, the most challenging thing,
it's the frustration that if you were fully armed,
PPE and all that stuff, and a full staff,
a full healthy staff, it's kinda like you could
take this on head on and almost have no fear,
and just don't even look behind you,
but you're just kinda feeling like
a lone warrior on the field
and you're maybe throwing a spear here or there,
and you hope it might land on something,
but you don't know how effective it is
when you're doing what you're doing.
Even though you are giving it your all,
you're just not as prepared as you should be,
obviously because you don't have
the access to these things,
and so the only thing I can offer you at this time,
because we're similar situations,
you know, I chose to put myself on a COVID unit to help out,
but I can just tell you,
from a practitioner to a practitioner,
as you and I are, I can try to be your therapist in this
since we have an understanding.
You know, I'm trying to tell you what to feel,
but I want you to know that I feel similar things,
and if it's helpful to you to know
that we have those things in common
that maybe it's just a little bit less stress on you.
- Can I share something with you?
- Yes.
- Or can I ask you something?
- Yes.
- Where do you find your faith in all this?
Do you find, 'cause both of us,
we go to church on the holidays
and special occasions, right.
I'm not really religious,
but do you find yourself looking for that,
or looking towards that a little bit more during this time?
- You know, if you wanna say God or the universe,
I'll say God, 'cause we grew up Catholic,
I don't know that I'm asking him
for more than I always have.
I think it's more like an intention of,
like if I do something simple like for instance
I saw a piece of paper on the floor, and it was at my job,
and I know housekeeping can pick it up,
but I'm not above that, so I bent down,
I picked it up, I put it away,
and it's not like this big deal,
but I thought, through practice
of doing simple things that are good,
God is watching me and he will take care of me
and the people that I love,
because I'm living my life everyday with purpose
and with good intentions.
It is, yes, always God, but definitely in myself.
Like I have to reflect the best person that I am,
'cause I'm hoping that it is not going unnoticed.
- Yeah.
- How about you, are you praying?
Are you doing the rosary?
- I mean I carry the rosary with me in the car.
- Always?
- Always, and I touch it when I go to work
and all that stuff, but honestly,
I've been looking for signs.
- Mm.
- And it might not be God directly,
but my guardian angel, as you know, Goya,
when this whole thing first started,
I needed a new ID band, a new badge,
because mine was about to rip apart,
so I went to the gift shop at work,
and the first ID badge that I saw
that they had on sale obviously was a monkey.
- Yes.
- So I was like, you know what, this is the sign I needed
the everything's gonna be okay.
Finding, when I started developing symptoms
I had to go find a testing center to get tested,
and the only one that would take me was up north,
which was close to where you used to live,
and so I took a drive over to the cemetery.
- My mom told me.
- Yeah, and honestly, I cried, I hugged it,
and I just prayed to him.
- Oh.
- But that's funny because he was never
a religious person either, like come on.
(laughing)
- I know.
- But I prayed to him to please keep all of us safe.
- Yeah.
- All of us, and in this
I'm just looking for signs from him
to know that I'm gonna be okay
and that we're all gonna be okay and make it through this.
- What is something I really need to hear right now?
- You are more important,
and your position is more important
than you give yourself credit for.
In general, in life, in work, all of it,
because right now in this whole pandemic thing,
I know you keep saying you don't consider yourself
as part of the frontline,
but you volunteered to work in the COVID unit.
Whether or not you are providing that hands-on care,
you were selfless enough to put yourself in that situation.
You're important.
Give yourself fricking credit, okay.
(laughing)
In life, same thing.
You don't give yourself enough credit
for everything that you've been through,
everything that you do, everything you have to offer.
Just wake up.
(laughing)
- Thank you.
- I really just wanna shake you sometimes.
Be like, "Shut up and just believe in yourself, please!"
- Thank God you can't, 'cause I have a headache.
(laughing)
- You better monitor your symptoms.
- No, no I gotta monitor my symptoms.
- I'm sorry.
I'm ready for the next question.
- I think it's that code.
(laughing)
- If you could send a message to my future self
about this time of our lives,
what would you want to tell her?
- Dear future Esleen, we made it, and it's because of you.
You knew how much to give and when to stop giving
so that you could take care of yourself first,
and I'm proud of you.
I look up to you, literally.
(laughing)
- By one inch.
- No, you're like 5'4". - No.
- How tall are you? - 5'2".
(laughing)
- Are you serious?
I always thought you were taller.
- No, it's the hair.
- Whoo, so tall, a whole inch taller.
But okay, but I literally look up to you,
and show me that purple heart.
That's what I would tell future Esleen.
Again, thank you.
Your parents obviously, and your sister,
and this whole family thanks you
for doing everything that you're doing now and always.
- And always, thank you.
- Hey everyone, if you liked the conversation
that was sparked using our questions,
try it out for yourself.
We have a relationship card game deck
for every relationship in your life.
I can't hold them all,
'cause we have more than I have hands for.
So go to theskindeep.com/shop if you wanna check it out,
and thanks for watching.