Today we're going to be talking about how to ask your ex out on a date and we're also
going to be talking about how to avoid some common mistakes that some people make when
asking their ex out on a date.
But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life.
I want to help you get the great loving relationship that you're looking for without having to
play mind games, or hard to get, or pretend to be anyone other than who you are because
you deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing and wonderful person that you are.
And if you like what we're doing be sure to hit that thumbs up button and be sure to subscribe
to the channel if you're not already.
Anyway, with that being said let's go ahead and get into all of this.
So when it comes to asking your ex out on a date this is something that you're going
to want to do at some point in the process.
I mean after all I know that a lot of people are coming from different places some of you
are not in contact with your ex, some of you are in contact with your ex, some of you are
choosing to not be in contact with your ex because you're doing something like the no
contact rule or hopefully active no contact which is something that I've pioneered.
But eventually at some point you're going to need to take things from texting to actually
talking to your ex and actually getting together for a date.
You don't want to have just a digital relationship I'm guessing so we want to actually start
to meet our ex in person and to actually go out on a date.
But how do you ask your ex out on a date?
So a lot of times people will do this in a little bit of the wrong way.
Sometimes people will ask their ex out of the blue if they want to get together for
some sort of date or something like that and there are a lot of reasons why you might do
this.
Maybe you're not very comfortable or familiar with normal dating standards and you just
want to contact somebody and just ask them out and sure it makes sense you and your ex
were close it makes sense that you might want to do that.
But here's the risk in it, you may be reaching out to your ex in a difficult emotional spot
and it may have absolutely nothing to do with you.
It might have something to do with you but it may have absolutely nothing to do with
you.
If you don't know where your ex is at emotionally because maybe you haven't been in contact
with them for a while, maybe you just don't know how their particular day to day is going
or something else in between just sending a message like, "Hey, do you want to get together
and do this thing?"
It may not necessarily go over too well because they might be upset at you, they might be
holding onto some sort of grudge or hurt towards you for some reason that maybe you're unaware
of, or maybe they're just having a bad day.
Maybe they're stressed out about something and the last thing they want is for another
thing to be sliding across their to do list which might be doing something together with
you.
So what I recommend that people do is that they actually develop a sense of rapport with
their ex first, they actually engage in a little bit of conversation just to sense where
their ex is at on an emotional level.
You can use things to guide your ex towards having a better emotional connection with
you.
Once the two of you are actually better emotionally connected that's when you can suggest the
idea of getting together and doing something like a date.
I wouldn't recommend you call it a date unless you and your ex are really super close and
there is very obvious romantic tension between the two of you.
Generally speaking I'd recommend that you call it a meetup or getting together or something
like that.
But you want to do this when the two of you are in rapport.
The reason for that is because it's going to make a whole lot more sense why you're
asking them to get together.
It's going to be implied that yeah because we're connecting so well, because we're having
a good time talking, because we're just enjoying this interaction that getting together for
a drink, coffee, whatever it's going to make a lot of logical sense.
So get in rapport first, don't just send them a message out of the blue.
Also, make the ask really casual make it seem like it's not that big of a deal.
I know that some people, especially people that aren't accustomed to asking their ex
out might get really nervous about this.
They might try to make some sort of official thing like, "Do want to go out on a date with
me," or something like that.
Don't worry about that just make it seem like the most casual thing in the world.
Like, "Hey, you free to get coffee on Thursday at three in the afternoon," or whatever time
works the best.
Just make it as easy and casual as that.
Also, make it easy to say yes too.
Oftentimes especially women, women for better or worse expect the guy to make a lot of the
plans for the dates and so they may take the back seat, play passive and all of that and
sure that totally makes sense in a typical normal kind of dating situation or circumstance
but this isn't necessarily a normal dating circumstance.
For one you want to get back together with your ex.
Your ex may not see things that way right now.
Your ex may not intentionally want to get back together with you at this point so you're
going to have to be okay with the idea of taking the initiative.
I'm guessing you're probably okay with that if you're watching this video.
If you're not okay with it you may need to feel in a little bit more and be okay with
the idea that, "Okay, I want to get back together with my ex.
My ex may not want to get back together with me right now.
Therefore, if we're going to get back together it has to be me taking the initiative."
You just may want to sit with that, let that sink in for a little bit.
But you also want to make it easy for your ex to say yes.
And so, one thing I've noticed through working with some women is that they may tend to ask
these questions like, "Are you free this weekend?"
Or, "Do you want to do something on this time?"
Or something like that.
And this can make it difficult to say yes to because at least in a guy's mind what he's
thinking of is like, "Okay, now I have to plan when we're going to get together, now
I have to plan what we're going to do, now I have to plan the time.
Now am I going to come pick you up or are we going to meet there?"
All of these sorts of logistical planning things and it becomes much more difficult
for him to say yes so what you want to do is you want to take care of most of the details.
So figure out when, figure out where, figure out what time, and then just suggest like,
"Hey, let's get together for coffee on Wednesday at 11:00 AM," whatever it might be, whatever
the details are, "At this particular coffee shop."
This isn't going to be a big thing we'll just get together for an hour or whatever and just
catch up.
And that's a whole lot easier to say yes to then, "Okay, now I have to think about well
are we going to spend time together?
What times do I have available?
Is it okay?
Can I take this time off?
Can I arrange that?
Is that too early?
Is that too late?"
All of these sorts of things that guys will think about or at least I used to think about
back when I was dating.
And so, if you can just make it easier for your ex to say yes they are much more likely
to do that.
That also builds into the fact that it's based off of you asking them when the two of you
are already in rapport.
It's going to make that much more likely for them to say yes to getting together, yes to
meeting up, yes to interacting on a date.
Also again, we talked about not calling it a date but you want to make sure that the
first interaction, at least the first one or two interactions that the two of you have,
are focused on you two and the quality of the connection between the two of you.
So this means not necessarily doing anything like laser bowling, or rock climbing, or watching
a movie or things where your focus and attention is on something external but rather on something
that I would call a boring date where the focus is simply on the two of you just sitting
down, talking, connecting, having an emotional connection with one another.
These would typically be things like getting together for a drink, or a coffee, or an ice
cream cone, or going for a walk, or little things like that.
Number one, these things are typically fairly inexpensive so it's not going to feel uncomfortable
for them to spend time with you knowing that it's only a couple of dollars or a couple
euros, pounds, whatever.
And also it's going to feel really low investment.
If it's a big dinner date then that can sometimes feel like too much.
For one thing if they don't know how the vibe is going to be between the two of you it can
be a little bit intimidating knowing that you're going to be sitting down at a restaurant,
you're going to have to order things, you're going to have to sit through the meal, you're
going to have to get the check.
And they may be concerned that they might be held hostage in this situation until the
check comes and it's paid and all of that.
Whereas if it's just a coffee you order a coffee, you pay a couple bucks, you can sit
down and worst case scenario if the thing doesn't go very well it's not a big deal to
get up and leave because everything's already been squared away.
So I mean again if you follow the advice that I give you're not going to have these really
bad experiences like that.
But these are things that might be going on in your ex's mind.
So you want to think about these things as you are asking your ex out on a date.
That's a little bit of a tongue twister isn't it?
Anyway, if this has helped you out once again my name is Clay.
Be sure to give this video a thumbs up.
Subscribe to the channel if you're not already.
If you want to learn more about how to connect with your ex on an emotional level check out
this playlist over here on advanced relational skills or you might be interested in this
video over here but once again this has been Clay.
Talk to you next time.
Take care.